Who's wrong dd or dh?

DH is being unnecessarily difficult, he could have helped DD out by sorting this.
OTH, I don't understand DDs need to plan, especially if she doesn't mind what restaurant you go to- I mean, she knows it will be a bigger meal and probably more calorific than usual. Probably higher carb too, whatever it is. I'd imagine her plans will involve eating less beforehand, or just veggies and fruit , maybe a little protein, whether she's going to be eating pizza, curry, steak and chips or noodles..... presumably she'll choose the healthiest option from the menu , whatever that will be. She doesn't really need to know in advance, does she?
How about DD calls GP and makes suggestions for the restaurant herself?
And DH should understand that snapping at people does upset them.

Anyway, I see you have stepped back in terms of organising for DHs family, which is great, and now think about letting DH and DD sort out their differences without getting too involved yourself. If you intervene, you will be upsetting someone, rightly or wrongly. DD and DH have to negotiate coming to terms with the fact that DD is an adult.

I don't think this is an over reaction...id guess at thinking OP does majority of organising everything

Its not demands....its only job hes got as it sounds like it..and he cant even do that.
I wouldn't say anymore OP...let him find or not find anywhere. Its on him. I think hes just trying to get you to do it by being conveniently obstinate. Because OP daughter has requirements hes hoping you'll do it...stuff that. Let him organise for his parents..its not your job. If he vant find anywhere last minute then thats on him. Tell MIL FIL you reminded him many times..you cant lead a horse to water..hes an adult.
But dont run and save the day OP...let him experience the aftermath of letting people down

Tricky one. I like to know where we're eating, so I can look at the menu beforehand. But she shouldn't be demanding it, one meal isn't going to change much for her. There is always steak and salad. Her over reaction kind of reminds me of a a friend with an eating disorder. Sometimes in life we just go to a restaurant without pre booking, your daughter should know enough about healthy eating to be able to order from the menu.

If doesn’t really matter what DD’s dietary issue is - it so happens that she’s overweight and seriously trying to lose - good for her; but it could have been that she was veggie, vegan, gluten free, or following a particular diet for a health condition - DH got stroppy because he’s slack and doesn’t like being called on it.

They’re both being unreasonable. Your daughter needs to chill out a bit, and your husband needs to pull his finger out of his arse. I’m sorry you’re in the middle of this!

This is
Some people are more planners than others. All I could think reading that was if it was my family, roles would have been reversed. If my dad is in charge of booking it gets done months and months in advance, if someone else is in charge and books a fortnight before for example, he gets anxious and will asl and ask if it is done and what the arrangements are. Usually it's ME who would snap at him to leave me to do it! I'm a planner but he takes it to the extreme (wants to make sure everyone's travel routes work, restaurants can accomodate any small children, diets/allergies are catered for etc).

I think your DH is in the wrong. It isn't about your DD needing to know what she will eat. If she was going to be using public transport to get there and needed to make arrangements for what options she had (as engineering works etc could affect her options) would he have done the same? It is just stressful not knowing where a big family meal will be until 24h before!

They’re both being unreasonable to a certain extent, but your DD is most unreasonable. She doesn’t need that much notice to plan her meal. It does seem like she’s getting obsessed with this. I say that as someone who previously had an ED. Her need to know is dialled up way too high and that would worry me.

Your DH should have booked earlier though, not for knowing the food, but just because then everyone knows where they’re going, and you know you won’t be scrabbling around to find somewhere with spaces last minute.

Being rigid also means insisting someone else changes their behaviour to suit you - which is what the DD was doing. She was grumpy and took it out on her dad because he wouldn't book a restaurant and allow her to plan her meal two days in advance.

There's a difference between being curious about the menu and letting one unknown meal ruin your mood for a whole weekend.

Well I think DH has left it last minute to organise a meal for 7 but DD was being quite demanding wanting to plan her meal 48hrs in advance and pestering him to call his parents late on a Friday.

Both could have handled it better.

I think your DH should have booked something by now, but not because of your daughter, just because things get booked up and try are a big party.

Your daughter pestering because of her food planning is a bit much thought. It is one meal, sounds like an unhealthy approach to eating.

Your husband.

Neither was unreasonable, but your DH was rude to snap at her and should have appologised.

He can absolutely book last minute but he has to expect that others might need to know the details (dieting, fussy, kids choices, timing, location etc). He shouldn't snap when asked for details.

Hope you have a lovely meal today.

I think your DH was a twat to not just book it earlier, but tbh, Sunday lunch… it doesn’t take much imagination for your DD to work out what might be on the menu does it?

If we are going out for dinner and it’s my idea, I book in advance, if it’s dh then it’s always last minute Larry. He doesn’t like making structured plans etc. hence why I take charge when eating out usually.

however the person I know who obsesses over where we eat, what food they serve and wants to plan their meals has an eating disorder so I’d be keeping a closer eye on your dd. To get that upset and fly off the handle about it tells me there is a problem.

Your husband is being very unreasonable.

If he can't support his daughter's weight loss he needs to be quiet.

It sounds like your husband is being reluctant to accept the responsibility of booking a table as I suspect he thinks it’s ’not his job’. Add to that he feels aggrieved that he is being asked to answer to someone. Plain old misogyny and probably selfishness because he’d prefer to not have the inconvenience of visitors when he could be pleasing himself.

Your daughter is being responsible for her health and isn’t asking much. It’s not disordered eating and planning is an important part of managing weight. Even if she wasn’t dieting it’s not unreasonable to ask what dinner plans are when she knows there are plans afoot.

DH is in the wrong. I hope you have a nice meal despite this quarrel.

All he had to do was bloody pick the phone up!
I'm not on a diet but I always like to look at the menu before we go somewhere, just to get an idea of what I might like. Your DD is following a nutrition plan, so absolutely not being unreasonable! It's not like she was dictating where to go!
Your husband was a lazy arse!

Being rigid in the context of this thread means imposing your requirements on others.

DD is not imposing her dietary needs on anyone.

Lots of people like to look at the menu a few days before the meal. It only seems to be an issue on this thread to diet shame OP and because she dares to look and feel great.

How is it being rigid to want to know where you’re eating?!

There's a difference between wanting to know which restaurant and having to know which restaurant so you can study the menu and plan your entire weekend of food and exercise around it.

I like looking at menus in advance too, but not to the extent that not knowing would stress me out and ruin my entire weekend.