Who's wrong dd or dh?

The OP’s daughter wanted a treat, and wanted to know how much of a treat it would/could be. Wouldn’t it have been easier to assume a large treat, plan her other meals around that and then adjust those meals once she knew what was available?

if I was going out for lunch I’d assume I’d be too full for an evening meal. If it turned out that lunch was small then I’d maybe have something small in the evening.

Most chains do have online menus. Some restaurants don’t, or they just have a sample menu. I don’t think it would’ve been too hard for the DD to assume a worst case menu scenario in terms of deciding on what else to eat & how much exercise to do over the rest of the weekend. If it turned out that what she ate was less harmful to her regime that wouldn’t be a disaster.

It really isn’t any different to having a light lunch because you’re going out to dinner that evening, or snacking on fruit instead of chocolate so that you can have a pudding with your meal.

It’s perfectly normal. I low carb, I always need to know there are plenty of vegetables on offer at a restaurant, so I do check the menu in advance. If the menu isn’t low carb friendly then I make alternative arrangements.

It’s not normal or healthy to be overweight. She’s trying to get out of this. This is only a short term programme not a long term life choice.

If she continues with the focus even after the diet has stopped she may have a problem but plenty of people go on diets and resume regular eating habits afterwards.

Planning her weekend around eating one meal is not healthy or normal, op.
You know this, surely?

Personally I'd probably be slightly annoyed at an adult DC pestering me about something I'd said I would deal with. But then I'm a last minute person for things like this too 😁

But if he knew he’d still be able to get a table by Saturday, surely it would be even easier to sort it on Friday? It’s highly unlikely that more tables would suddenly become available on Saturday.

Remember that this is a man who OP says practices ‘deliberate incompetence’. And that OP has also agreed that he has a massively disorganised and awkward nature.

Do you not think his dd also sees his behaviour? OP had to nag him in the past and that’s what dd learned, that dad needs to be nagged to do anything.

But we know that OP says he practices ‘deliberate incompetence’. So it’s highly unlikely the late booking was him assessing options.

It’s not like dd was chasing him to book weeks in advance. Asking for the venue on a Friday is not ‘pushing her dad to book it asap’.

Both really, dh was being lazy and obviously put under pressure but your daughter bringing it up in front of you with him there- it wa a bit like trying to get him into trouble/ make you make him do it which puts more pressure on too!

"6+3 = 9 so does 5+4.
The way you do things isn't always the only way to do them"

This thread seems to be full of people who plan for things well in advance. However, that doesn't make DH lazy or selfish or an arsehole (using words he's been called here). It's not like he left things too late and left people stranded on the road with no dinner. He booked the table a day in advance - maybe he had some options in mind and knew he could get a table if he booked the day before?

I have never seen people in real life who are this obsessed about restaurant booking. lol.

Weight loss can trigger an ED op my dd has anorexia and your dds behaviour is classic for someone who has tipped into ED territory.

Being obsessed about food to the extent it causes this anxiety is not healthy or normal imo.

As long as DH picks a place considering food preferences - vegetarian, low carb/high protein etc, and shares it in time for everyone to make their travel plans, it's good enough in my view.

Very surprised to hear all these replies about checking out menu days in advance to plan what they will order. Never seen this happen in IRL.

DD seems to have an unhealthy relationship with food.

Yeah I agree but DH was responsible for that so I suppose he’ll do it however he sees fit. I would find it a bit annoying as well.

I don’t expect people to accommodate but I do expect if we’re going out on a day that is usually busy with people and we are a larger party to have a restaurant in mind and be booked.

OP’s DH had plenty of time to do it and knew he was supposed to but chooses to wait til the last min for seemingly no reason other than stubbornness.

I do out of interest but not because I have no strategically plan days in advance and expect others to accommodate that. It’s to much.

He’s a grown man, isn’t he? I’m sure he’s capable of arguing back.

Oh stop being disingenuous.

How would you like it if someone was talking about you negatively / complaining about you to someone else, right in front of your face? Do you think that’s acceptable behaviour?

I personally think it’s bloody rude.

He forgot, didn’t want to own up, felt stupid and snapped because of it. Of course he should support his daughter.

I spoke to her later and she was upset he had snapped and couldn't see what she had done wrong.

Like her dad then?

Seems a bit of contest of wills there.

She's pushing her dad to book asap & that seems to make him even more reluctant!

Was it likely to be a Sunday lunch that everyone had?

In which case there doesn't seem to be quite as much urgency perhaps?

The poor girl can’t win. She shouldn’t be saying it in front of her father according to you, then you have @lifebeginsaftercoffee saying she shouldn’t be talking to her mother about it when he’s NOT there! Is she supposed to just shut up like a good little girl? Be seen and not heard?

Ha! “I didn’t say anything wrong, but I’m going to make sure none of you can see it”. 🙄🙄🙄

She’s not having a strop - she’s simply trying to protect and support a programme she has spent a lot of time and energy on. She clearly takes it seriously and is really determined to succeed. Good for her.

You did say ‘stroppy child’ but have asked for the post to be deleted.