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Original poster

A word of warning to mums

182 replies

BlondiesHaveMoreFun · 23/03/2024 21:53

They leave you. I had many years of bliss with my babies. And they are doing SO well. But they bugger off! My Daughter is in Australia and my son is in America. This isn’t how I thought my life would pan out.

OP posts:
Remaker · 23/03/2024 22:45

It’s sad of course but it’s a sign you’ve done a good job as a parent. Your children are confident and independent.

A friend of mine won’t make any plans for retirement because ‘I’ll go wherever my children are, I need to be near my grandchildren.’ Her children are in their 20s and not in relationships. I think it’s a bit stifling for her kids especially the expectation that they will produce grandchildren for her.

Rosesanddaisies1 · 23/03/2024 22:44

How can you be surprised? Id be grateful and proud to have adventurous and independent children. I’d be disappointed if mine just stayed local their whole lives. You cannot plan or assume they will live near you.

LibbyLemoncake · 23/03/2024 22:44

Cicciabella · 23/03/2024 22:02

I wish mine would fuck off. 15 years not one single weekend off. I can't go out
I can't date
Its shit
This isn't how imagined spending my 50s.
See the grass isn't always greener.?..

Your child is only 15 and you wish they would fuck off? 😳

LibbyLemoncake · 23/03/2024 22:42

AngelsandAliens · 23/03/2024 22:21

My DS is nearly 5 and this actually makes me want to cry , I know it’s a while off yet but …. 🥹

Treasure each minute because it goes so quickly. The days are long but the years are short, as they say.
Mine are all late teens/early 20s now and I can feel them slipping away. Where the hell did the time go? It only feels like yesterday they were little.

Of course they spread their wings and that’s as it should be but it bloody well hurts 😢

JMSA · 23/03/2024 22:35

SnapdragonToadflax · 23/03/2024 21:59

Great, I might have some time to myself again at some point in the future.

My sentiments exactly! Grin

Cushions2 · 23/03/2024 22:34

This is so sad :( I will miss mine so much too! Can you afford to visit often?

paerinute · 23/03/2024 22:34

My eldest DS is autistic. No GCSEs, 25 years old, never had a job, has always lived with us. Unlikely to bugger off to Australia or even another part of the city we live in.

DH's younger brother has enduring MH issues and is now living with PILs in his 40s, he probably will continue to do so until they move to a retirement home.

Whoneedsthreeloos · 23/03/2024 22:33

This makes me feel sad and panicky..my Dd is only 5 😢

NeedToChangeName · 23/03/2024 22:32

I feel for you OP

I want my children to be independent adults, living their best life etc..... but nearby

I'd be v upset if they moved away, but of course wouldn't feel I could say so, as that seems taboo. And I wonder why that's perceived as a bad thing? Lots of research about benefits of strong family relationships, and yet we're expected to actively celebrate our children moving away / overseas

SmallIslander · 23/03/2024 22:28

My aunt's children and grandchildren are settled in other countries and she misses them so much.

My children are still of an age where I can kiss and cuddle them and sniff the little one's head.

I hope they become successful people with brilliant lives, preferably within 30 mins drive of my retirement bungalow!

Zone2NorthLondon · 23/03/2024 22:24

My dc are v young but of course they’ll leave that’s the point. To foster independence and positive risk taking

AngelsandAliens · 23/03/2024 22:21

My DS is nearly 5 and this actually makes me want to cry , I know it’s a while off yet but …. 🥹

Zone2NorthLondon · 23/03/2024 22:17

They leave us incrementally, that’s the point positive risk taking & independence to raise confident YA

BigMandyHarris · 23/03/2024 22:15

That’s exactly how it should be.

Children should enhance your life, not dominate it.

Dweetfidilove · 23/03/2024 22:14

I’m preparing myself, as my 15yr old is hellbent on going to the US after uni. Can’t say I’m looking forward to it, but I’d be slightly pleased for her living her dream 🤷🏽‍♀️.

Ellerby83 · 23/03/2024 22:12

A colleague of mine whilst talking about her children becoming adults said "oh well, it was good while it lasted" Brought a tear to my eye.

SwordToFlamethrower · 23/03/2024 22:09

My 20 year old is getting married in August and moving to Germany to live with his wife.

I can relate.

Wimpeyspread · 23/03/2024 22:08

I also have children on other continents - video calling is a wonderful thing, and I have new places I can visit!

LightSwerve · 23/03/2024 22:07

I understand OP.

You want them to spread their wings but you miss them too.

Wooloohooloo · 23/03/2024 22:07

It's very bittersweet as they get older and gradually break away from you. DS is 18 and although we are close and get on well, each year I feel him break away from me a little more. It's as it should be and I am so proud of him, but it is a little heart breaking too.

ForestClearing · 23/03/2024 22:06

Isn’t that the whole point of parenthood? To raise them not to need you, to spread their wings? DS is only 11, but I fully expect him to explore the world. I’ve spent most of my adult life outside my home country, so it would be strange not to think he’ll do the same — why would he restrict himself to one place? He’d already lived in three places in two countries by the time he was seven. I’d be appalled if he tied himself down because of where his parents lived!

MamaWillYouBuyMeAWillYouBuyMeABanana · 23/03/2024 22:04

You've done your job right, raised confident adults who aren't afraid to go off an explore the world and chase their dreams.

As pp said the grass really isn't always greener.

DyddDewiSant · 23/03/2024 22:04

Celebrate their independence!

I have a 16-year-old who will never be able to live independently..............I wish he could.

Cicciabella · 23/03/2024 22:02

I wish mine would fuck off. 15 years not one single weekend off. I can't go out
I can't date
Its shit
This isn't how imagined spending my 50s.
See the grass isn't always greener.?..

catherinewales · 23/03/2024 22:02

BlondiesHaveMoreFun · 23/03/2024 21:53

They leave you. I had many years of bliss with my babies. And they are doing SO well. But they bugger off! My Daughter is in Australia and my son is in America. This isn’t how I thought my life would pan out.

How awful for you. I know you're happy for them but I bet it's lonely without them. You build your whole life around them and expect them to stay with you but they grow up and move on its sad. Could you move close to one of them. Obviously the one you like the most 😜xx

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