A word of warning to mums

@Faradalla Where do you and your children live? Sounds amazing!

@Parker231 @Zone2NorthLondon Yes, it’s often job opportunities that prompt the moves, that’s why our family is so scattered. Everyone kept moving for various opportunities and have ended up at least a plane ride away from the nearest sibling.

It hasn’t stopped yet either, now the older ones ( in their mid-late 50’s) are talking about retiring elsewhere. My eldest SIL is thinking about France or Spain…we’d be happy to visit them in either country. 😂

Me too!! Live less than a mile from my mum in the town l was born in but have travelled all over.

We raise them to be independent and live away from us don’t we?
My 2 eldest Ds are grown and moved out one lives about 90 miles away the other one about 10 mins away I see them both about the same amount of time.
Ds3 is 18 and has autism and adhd and honestly I can’t see a time he would be able to live alone.
I think that is more upsetting for me as our children should be confident and independent and ready to move out
Ds4 and Dd will one day also move out but both are in primary school so won’t be for a long while yet.
Its sad but it shows that we have done a good job making them independent I think

😭😭😭 noooooooo 💔 I want my baby to be my baby forever and ever and ever

Are you OK @BlondiesHaveMoreFun ?
I can really understand how and why you would feel sad about this . Sure we all want our children to do well but I would really hate mine living this far away . Are they just off temporarily ?

Charming.

Goodness, I could have written this! I look at my kids and how they live and honestly, their lives really are so privileged living where we are. I feel like our life has so much richness to it, just so many wonderful opportunities and so much fun! I really do often think 'is this really my life?'. How many people can say they feel like this? What a blessing to be so happy with your lot! I want my children to find that joy in life. I would be delighted if my children grew up to be happy, stable adults with a satisfying and uplifting life. Yes, we all still need to work and clean the toilet et , but if the macro picture is one of happiness and fulfilment, what mother would resent that?
Do you think its jealousy? I have wondered this.

One of my friends was firmly in the ‘I don’t care where they go as long as they’re happy, we’ll just go and visit them and get a free holiday’. One in America, one in London (we’re in Ireland), and herself and husband of 25 years have split and she is miserable, says she’s hoping they’ll come back soon

I just can't get my head around going that far away to live that's all. (NZ and Australia.) Each to their own. Moving there (for good,) in the hope of better opportunities and a better life is one thing. But you are moving away from your entire life, and everything and everyone you know. Including lifelong friends, and family. It's a bit different for the poster above @twistie who says she didn't get on with family, and wanted to get away, but if you are close, I can't fathom why anyone would up sticks to the other side of the world, to live.

And is it better? I have heard from a number of sources, that people have moved to Australia or New Zealand for this 'better life,' and discovered it was not remotely what they expected. They felt lonely and isolated, 10,000 miles from home, their job wasn't what they expected, the people weren't as friendly as they were when they went there on holiday, and everything was super expensive. I have known a number of people going there (a couple to NZ, and half a dozen to Aus,) to stay for good, and they returned to the UK 3-6 years later. The grass isn't always greener and all that...

Also, there is a thread running right now, where someone can't seem to cope with travelling 5 hours to the other side of the country for their parents anniversary. So how on earth do family relationships continue when you're on the other side of the world?

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5035399-to-not-go-to-parents-wedding-anniversary-do

Something ridiculous responses op. Of course we hope our dc grow up and move away but for goodness sake, two dc and so far away! Of course that's sad.

Currently sitting feeding my 3 month old and have just re-tucked my 3YO in to bed... 😭😭😭 i Ieft home (NI) at 18 and moved to England and I'm still here 17 years later. My siblings also live in England. I am so sad for my parents who are still in NI caring for their elderly parents, but I know as much as they miss us they are glad we are living better lives in England with more opportunities. But I also dread my boys leaving me and they are only so very young!

I moved to the other side of the world from my home country for a new life and to get away from my narcissistic, emotionally abusive DM. She didn’t want me to go but my DF told me to go and see the world and never come back. My point being that not all DC who move countries do so because they’ve been given the confidence by their amazing upbringing to spread their wings and see the world. A few of us move countries in search of a better life which are unrelated to careers and travel.

I have no regrets leaving my home country, but my DM could never accept it, her behaviour deteriorated, and we are now NC. If my own DC moved to my home country, or anywhere else long distance, I would be distraught but I would never let on how I felt. My comfort would be that unlike my DM, I know that DH and I will have given them the confidence and love to lead their own lives, wherever that may be - and not because they want to get away from us.

Aus and NZ are career destinations in my career,they actively recruit
I’ve seen NQ to consultants go to Aus and NZ, better WLB, lower cases, better facilities. Actively recruited by employer who wants & values them as skilled professionals. Here nhs is woefully underfunded, staff feel broken to point that we strike. During Covid it was all clapping & rainbows now that’s a memory and we are habitually misrepresented and undervalued and underpaid

Aw I hear you op.
My eldest (30) is 7 hours away. I get to see her and my grandchild once or twice a year.
Of course it's great they're independent, confident and happy and obviously you can be happy for them and appreciate they have great lives but it doesn't mean you can't be a bit sad for the physical closeness you once had.

I brought mine up with the motto 'the greatest gift you can give your child is wings and the courage to fly' and they have and I'm glad for them but what I wouldn't give for them to pop round for a brew unannounced of to be able to babysit my grandchild.

Here was me expecting them to stay with me until I’m 6 feet under. Oh well, I will just need to start thinking about what to do with their bedrooms when they leave instead 🧐

Feel for you op. My daughter was saying she will travel as vetenary isnt great pay here in dublin.. She 18. My friend has 2 in Australia 2 here. She was gutted when they went.

@Faradalla I feel this in my soul. I have the most wonderful life where I am and regularly wake up thinking how lucky I am to live here. My children are thriving and they will have opportunities I could never even dream of.

And my mother is so bitter and resentful that it kills me. I don't know why she can't be happy that I'm happy.

I'd simply break down if mine ever did.. we are so so close my two daughters and me ( and four Grandkids) l see them all at least twice a week.. they wouldn't want me to either.. we all live a 15 min walk from each other.

Many of DS’s Uni class (engineering degree) have got graduate job outside the uk (DS included). A couple have gone to Australia - higher salary, better lifestyle and more career opportunities.

Why are so many young people these days going to Australia and New Zealand to live??? (This thread is suggesting that by the way.)

Why so far away? I am sure that what they're looking for can be found 1000s of miles closer! It seems so extreme to move to Aus or NZ. I think most people would find it really hard to keep the relationship and connection going. Not everyone can afford to keep going to visit when they're that far away.

I hope DD has great adventures and enjoys her life. You give them wings and confidence to fly.
I'm a free spirit type but my partner and his siblings never moved far away from home due to their mum being on her own and they have always been annoyingly in each others pockets. There's no need for it.
I'd miss DD of course, but life is for living. I have plans for what I'll do in my 50s 😊

It's a good sign and in theory that's how we know we should feel. But it's impossible to control how we actually feel. So even if as parents we are happy for our children if they move away. It's still a huge wrench and very hard.

my friends child is terminally ill.
I know which option I prefer.
FFS

You've raised independent, strong adults. One of mine is in Australia and the other New Zealand. I see them once a year but speak often. They are happy. That's what counts. Mind you I won't be saying that if they have children 😂