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Original poster

To just get so fucking irritated by Husband every weekend

231 replies

irritationstation · 23/03/2024 18:39

He gets up late, fine.

Then mopes around in his dressing gown. Making mess.

Then complains about mess. Then goes upstairs for ages. Always retreating from me and the kids.

I said today we have to leave by 11. I told him at 9. He went upstairs at 9:30 and came back down at 10:45. In a massive mood. I've been up since 6 am ( also had lovely night wakings from 2 year old at 3 am and then I was up with both kids before 6 am).

I had cleaned and tidied all of downstairs while also looking after DC (2 and 4).

I then have to try and get myself and the two DC ready in 15 minutes. I threw DC 2 clothes at H after having picked it out and ask him to dress him. He does it but again, huge grump. Just looks so sad / angry / exasperated.

I help get DC4 ready quickly. Get ready myself very fast. Hair looks shit, I look shit, as I've had no time again.

I put both kids in the car on my own while H is doing other stuff, like taking a hundred years to put his shoes on / smoke.

Finally gets into the car. Not a work. Just grump. All the way to where we are going. I try to start a couple of conversations, he doesn't really respond. I ask what's wrong. Nothing. I then get frustrated.

Anyway eventually it's ok and we buy whatever we needed to buy. Go for lunch and then head back home.

We've been home for a few hours and he's retreated upstairs again. Not a word.

It's this shit on repeat. He clearly didn't want to go out. He never wants to do anything. He's so grumpy. I try to talk to him. Tell him I'm concerned etc, is he ok ? He snaps and doesn't want to talk.

I am so sick of the sight of him. He just comes in and out when he wants. I'm so tired from having had a few bad nights with my 2 year old. I could sleep now. I'm stuck. I hate how grumpy he is.

OP posts:
K37529 · 23/03/2024 19:15

You need to ask him why he thinks the kids are solely your responsibility. He doesn’t get to just check out, when do you get to check out? Never by the sounds of it. Are you a sahm? Regardless weekends if he’s off work should be shared responsibility

Original poster
irritationstation · 23/03/2024 19:11

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 23/03/2024 19:04

|What time this morning did you sit down and both decide that going out today as a family would be shops and lunch ?

as you said he got up late, and you also said that you were leaving at 11am

Edited

We actually left at 12 tbh. My timings were off in my OP. We sat down a couple of hours before. Not sure what you're trying to prove? You think as soon as he got up I started bothering him and bossed him around ?

That's not how it happened. He'd been up for a while before we sat and I made an appointment to get the children's hair done before we then went out to shops after. By shops I don't mean the high street or a mall. It's more like you can just drive to a couple of shops, so it's much less stressful than going into town/ mall.

OP posts:
LizzieSiddal · 23/03/2024 19:05

You should tell him you need to have a serious chat. Spell out to him that you aren’t spending another weekend like this. Tell him the dc are his as well and he needs to step up at the weekends. See what he says, if it isn’t positive I’d be seriously considering separation because he sounds absolutely useless.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 23/03/2024 19:04

|What time this morning did you sit down and both decide that going out today as a family would be shops and lunch ?

as you said he got up late, and you also said that you were leaving at 11am

madroid · 23/03/2024 19:01

First, I'd nip out to the shops in the car. Leave the kids with him. Park up and have a nap.

Then, I's go out tomorrow morning for a nice relaxing walk and coffee. Leave the kids with him.

He needs to train to engage more as a dad. Whether you want him to as a husband is a different issue.

Original poster
irritationstation · 23/03/2024 19:01

whyismysoupcold · 23/03/2024 18:57

Do you decide in advance of what you are doing at the weekend? Or do you decide on the morning of?

Sorry, that sounds totally crap.

We aren't huge planners and usually just decide on the day unless tickets need to be booked or other people are involved.

That's just our style. Sorry it would sound crap to me to have to decide something like going to a couple of shops and lunch, days or weeks before.

I could not live like that.

OP posts:
SantaBarbaraMonica · 23/03/2024 19:01

Yet another man who extracts himself and thinks his family revolve around him. The resentment must be massive OP.

Original poster
irritationstation · 23/03/2024 18:59

arethereanyleftatall · 23/03/2024 18:55

It sounds like you have decided it would be nicer for the children if you go out more.
But what you seem to have detailed is shopping and then out for lunch?
Where's the fun there for a toddler and a 4 year old?

If you don't want to divorce, then as your husband has made it clear he has no interest in spending time as a family, then simply take it in turns taking thr dc out to something they would actually enjoy, park/soft play, whilst the other parent does something they would enjoy.

Well you don't know what kind of shopping we did. It might have been for toys. Please remove your judgement. I think it's important for them to be out with us anyway, even if it's not always a soft play or a park, they get to see different stuff and different people. You can't keep kids in the house all the time and only take them out when it's to soft play.

In any case, today, part of the trip ( most part ) was about them.

OP posts:
whyismysoupcold · 23/03/2024 18:57

Do you decide in advance of what you are doing at the weekend? Or do you decide on the morning of?

Sorry, that sounds totally crap.

ilovesooty · 23/03/2024 18:55

"We decided"? It doesn't sound as though he was ever on board. He doesn't seem to like parenting, married life, you or his children.

Is the marriage really worth persevering with?

arethereanyleftatall · 23/03/2024 18:55

It sounds like you have decided it would be nicer for the children if you go out more.
But what you seem to have detailed is shopping and then out for lunch?
Where's the fun there for a toddler and a 4 year old?

If you don't want to divorce, then as your husband has made it clear he has no interest in spending time as a family, then simply take it in turns taking thr dc out to something they would actually enjoy, park/soft play, whilst the other parent does something they would enjoy.

Crazycrazylady · 23/03/2024 18:52

Honestly op. Have you thought about how much nicer life would be without him?

arethereanyleftatall · 23/03/2024 18:52

As it stands you're not only parenting alone, but it's worse. You have the resentment from this horrible selfish man on top to deal with.

Yup, kids are hard. At those ages, there's a million things any sane adult would rather be doing than spending time with them. They are boring. But. Tough. You both had them. You both put the effort in to looking after them.

Have a serious think op, about how your life would look if you divorced. From experience, the sooner the better.

Itiswhysofew · 23/03/2024 18:50

Don't mean to be harsh, but what's the point of him? If he's not participating in family life and doing what's required of him, I can't see much reason to be together.

betterangels · 23/03/2024 18:49

irritationstation · 23/03/2024 18:47

Watching TV in peace.

Show quote history

You need to decide that you're done being, in effect, a single parent. He's checking out. It must be so shit for you.

Original poster
irritationstation · 23/03/2024 18:49

Shinyandnew1 · 23/03/2024 18:47

He clearly didn't want to go out.

I was going to ask this. Did he not want to go? Did he have to go?

Couldn’t you have left him home with the kids and gone to do whatever it was without him?

Like I said, we have decided we need to get out more. We sat down this morning and decided what we were going to do today and both agreed.

I am fucking sick of being home every single fucking weekend. It's also not good for the children. He doesn't like going out and wants to come straight back home as quickly as possible. Then goes off on his own.

But we decided we needed to make a change and get out at least once at the weekend together.

OP posts:
hottchocolate · 23/03/2024 18:48

I was also going to ask if he's depressed but if he thinks that's BS tell him he can't have it both ways. Either he needs help and seeks help or theres nothing wrong with him and he can F off. I know he easier said than done.

Arrestedmanevolence · 23/03/2024 18:48

I'd just go out on my own. If he doesn't want to come after 3 months of this then I'd leave. If he doesn't want to engage in family life he's already checked out anyway so what's the point of him exactly?

Shinyandnew1 · 23/03/2024 18:47

He clearly didn't want to go out.

I was going to ask this. Did he not want to go? Did he have to go?

Couldn’t you have left him home with the kids and gone to do whatever it was without him?

Original poster
irritationstation · 23/03/2024 18:47

betterangels · 23/03/2024 18:44

What a nightmare. Does he just not give a shit about any of you? Because that's what it sounds like. What's he doing upstairs, would be my question.

Watching TV in peace.

OP posts:
Original poster
irritationstation · 23/03/2024 18:46

Skybluepinky · 23/03/2024 18:44

Why make him go if he doesn’t want to?

I don't make him do anything.

A few weeks ago after months and months of every single weekend indoors, unless I packed up the kids and went out on my own, in the hope that he would get the rest and recuperation he needs - and be less grumpy ( it didn't make any difference by the way ). We decided we needed to do more stuff together as a family.

OP posts:
betterangels · 23/03/2024 18:44

What a nightmare. Does he just not give a shit about any of you? Because that's what it sounds like. What's he doing upstairs, would be my question.

PurplePanda1 · 23/03/2024 18:44

irritationstation · 23/03/2024 18:42

He's always been pretty grumpy tbh. He could be depressed. I've been asking him to get help for years. He thinks it's all bollocks and won't do it.

Show quote history

Spell it out to him that if he doesn’t seek help and nothing changes your marriage won’t survive this. This is no way to live.

Skybluepinky · 23/03/2024 18:44

Why make him go if he doesn’t want to?

RandomMess · 23/03/2024 18:43

Stop subjecting yourself and your DC to him being an absent parent and partner.