To just get so fucking irritated by Husband every weekend

OP, listen to this loud and clear:
YOU CANNOT CHANGE HIM
HE WILL NOT CHANGE.

(apologies for shouting).

Your two options are:

1. find a way to live with him without ruining your own mood / life
2. separate

Personally if I were in your shoes I would take the first option. But you may have different values about the sanctity of marriage or whatever.

You deserve better than that waste of space

He’s no longer engaged in family life with his family. He’s either depressed or checked out of your family already

You deserve so much more than this.

My husband went through a phase of being snappy, grumpy etc for months. Finally he went to the drs and got some anti depressants. And his moods have improved ten fold.

Yours may be depressed. Not that is an excuse just could be one of many reasons.
Or he may just be a selfish sod.

Tell him this behaviour isn't acceptable especially around the children. If he feels down talk to the GP. Other wise you're not putting up with it anymore

This sounds bloody awful OP - basically you have three children as it sounds like he does sweet FA. Not only is he a crap husband, he’s a crap dad. Give an ultimatum that things have to change, give a clear time limit for this and if he doesn’t respond/change then leave. You deserve more.

This is why I’m not with a man. Bin him. He won’t change.

Growing up with a Dad who makes no effort to hide his lack of respect for your Mum or the fact that he isn't interested in you is also a pretty big deal for a child.

People are allowed to suggest that someone who is clearly deeply unhappy in their marraige and is not being treated well might consider leaving. OP is free to stay put and accept this shit treatment if she chooses but there's nothing wrong with acknowledging that there is an alternative.

The problem with this approach is then the (women do all the unpaid work, men rest) cycle just continues with what you are teaching your daughter.

The OP states her husband was 'watching TV in peace' for an hour and a quarter. Could he not have gathered the kids clothes and got them dressed while he was doing that?

Surely you don't have to wait until your husband appears to get the kids ready? You had all morning until 10.45 but cleaned and tidied. Can you try focusing on getting yourselves organised instead? Take your clothes/hairdryer/makeup or whatever into a room that is safe for the kids and just get ready? Housework can wait till later.
This comes with the huge caveat that yes you should be working as a team, both doing housework and getting kids ready etc etc. You both sound totally fed up. Do you all get choices on what to do and when at the weekend?

Sounds like he isnt parenting. I think id be returning home from the morning out, leaving the children with him and telling him id be back at dinner time, and ask what he is making. Then do this every weekend.

Plenty of people who are introverted and homebodies but still go out and do things for the benefit of their children. Sometimes parenting means sucking it up and putting your children first, people who aren't prepared to do that shouldn't have kids. OP has also been clear that even when they stay at home he leaves all the parenting to her and isn't interested in spending time with his children so leaving him at home doesn't solve the problem. There's no excuse for this kind of selfishness, and I say this as someone who has suffered from episodes of severe depression.

Are everyone else's partners really attentive on the weekend then, mines not ! I just go out with my daughter on my own now and he will do other childcare like nursery pick up also FYI breaking up a family is a huge deal so stop suggesting divorce

It sounds like you have a basic incompatibility in how much time to spend out of the home. Some people are introverts and homebodies, and there's nothing wrong with that. It sound like you are the one who decided that both of you need to go out every weekend. If I were still working full time that would be hell for me

That isn't what's happening here though.
This man is actively opting out of family life and all responsibility for parenting his children.
He does fuck all. That's the problem.

Is there much point to being in a relationship with him? Seriously, what is he contributing?

He is checking out of being part of a family whist he is at home, Did you completely miss that part?

Guarantee if you went upstairs for 2 hours and left him with the children he'd get really angry about it, while seeing no issue when he does it.

Stop allowing him to do it. Tell him he's a selfish gobshite for leaving all childcare and housework to you on the weekend and moping in the bedroom.

Have you asked him why he doesn't like his family enough to make an effort for them or respect you enough to share the childcare?

Tell him if he carries on he will have to parent alone every other weekend once you are divorced.

It sounds like you have a basic incompatibility in how much time to spend out of the home. Some people are introverts and homebodies, and there's nothing wrong with that. It sound like you are the one who decided that both of you need to go out every weekend. If I were still working full time that would be hell for me. Having depression, assuming he does, only compounds that hell.

I suggest you go out on your own or with the children, your choice, and leave him at home.

I could have written your post 11 years ago.

DC are 13 and 15 now and I asked H to leave before Christmas.

He was like yours when they were small and just got worse and worse and worse until he was a blob that sat in the corner watching TV at top volume and drinking until he passed out in front of the TV at 3AM.

Mine has been diagnosed with autism and - whilst that explains his behaviour to a certain extent - I also in other ways don't really care.

He made us all miserable. I remember taking the DC to disneyland Paris about 10 years ago and having to pull him to one side as it was a non stop moan fest from him, his feet hurt, it was raining blah blah blah.

I told him he could suck the joy out of the happiest place on earth,

He never changed.

Covid and permanent wfh just enabled him further.

Get out, OP. Before your kids are affected (mine really have been ).

This is what I don’t understand- how did him being upstairs stop OP ftom
getting ready or handing him a child to sort out? Why wait downstairs while he faffs about?

Why on earth are people picking holes in OP's day? The point of her post is that her H is a grumpy bastard who has checked out of family life, not that her day was insufficiently interesting.

OP is not her husband's entertainment manager.

The marriage is clearly over, stop flogging a dead horse, the man has been very clear that he's not interested in you or his kids, move on in life with this in mind and consider if this is brilliant for your kids.

OP, you’re effectively a single mum so you’d be better off without this manchild that you are mothering.

He has checked out of family life.

Give him one last ultimatum that he either buck up or leave and then start planning his exit.