To just get so fucking irritated by Husband every weekend

I don’t understand this comment, you can’t possibly think this man is in any way representative of men? I for one certainly don’t know anyone who behaves like this, does every man uou know sit in his room alone all day and get grumpy if he goes out? That’s not remotely normal, irrelevant of gender.

anyway op, weird posts aside, have you talked to him about the fact he sits up there alone watching tv.What coes he say, does he think it’s normal or acceptable?

It sounds like he’s mentally checked out of the marriage/family life. Sorry OP. You absolutely deserve better, as do your precious children.

I would hate this. Its not normal and although he may be depressed, you can't be running around whilst he just lolls. Also just waiting for him all.of.the.time would drive me nuts.

Is there other stuff going on at the weekend? Ie children's sport classes etc that he can have a routine to take them so you can have some down time?

Well he sounds like a useless twat and you'd be better off without him

Op. Does he smoke weed?

Open the bedroom door. Shove all the DCs in. Close the door. Run downstairs, grab coat and bag. Get into the car. Leave. Don't come back for ages.

Or make plans tonspend a weekend from Friday night to Sunday night in some hotel. Don't tell him your plans. Don't leave instructions. Don't prepare food or buy food in. He sinks or swims.

Don’t stand for it OP, leave him unless he shows he’s going to buck up his ideas.

Posters asking if others’ DHs are involved on the weekend, yes, some really are. DH always gets up first with the DC (he’s an early riser, I’m not) and we both get them ready, take them to their activities, play a game or colour with them in the house, take them to the park, or out on errands. Or to see family or friends. That’s called family life where both parents are involved and pulling their weight.

I used to describe my ex as grumpy, he used to do this exact same shit. He was actually a controlling arsehole who hated the responsibilities of family life. He didn't change after we split, either. We just don't have to deal with him anymore. Weekends are much nicer!!

Does he ever get up with the dcs and let you lie in? If not why not?

Does he have any good qualities? Do you both work?

Btw - if you can do it I highly recommend going for a spa weekend with your friends. I just did this and it was exactly what we all needed. And seeing as your dh does fuck all most of the time he can’t really object can he?

What’s the point of him?

I would say that when mine were 4 and 2 it never seemed like a weekend was relaxing. It felt like hard work. Divide up your time between the children and make sure you both have time for hobbies and friends as well as family time

He sounds lazy and passive-aggressive.

What is the point of him?

Yanbu. But why are you even asking? You know Yanbu. Your relationship is dead in the water. Yet another pathetic excuse for a man chose to become a father.

Sounds miserable. Does he have any good qualities?

My ex became a very competent and engaged parent after I left him.
He has a great relationship with our daughter too. Would’ve been unlikely if we’d carried on as we were.

Did he want children? Was he ever proactive about things before you had children?
What is he like with the children at home? Does he play with them, chat to them, read them a story? It sounds pretty rubbish for you to be the one always having to organise everything and then chivvy him along. What are his good qualities?

This resonates with me (as does the user name as I'm Autistic and my ex contributed to my repeated burnout)

I left one like this 12 years ago, and have never looked back. I still wake up every day feeling thankful that he's not here.

Someone who contributes nothing usually adds stress to your life, and it's really not worth it.

Life is too short.

I think in a situation like this when parenting has become very uneven you need to actually go out more and leave him with the kids, or get him to take them out without you. It's the only way for him to build his confidence, skills and bonding with them. When you are all together it's too easy for everyone to default to you behaving as the primary carer.

He wants to check out but the great thing about kids is they won't let you, they force you relentlessly into the present. He needs to spend time alone with them to really experience it

Also, having been in a very similar place myself I would trust no feelings and make no major decisions while you are sleep deprived. It seriously clouds your mood and cognition.

What you have described although not good could actually be seen as a step in the right direction. You acknowledged a problem, agreed a course of action, he came out and you had lunch. Now build on it.

He is not interested in family life, in fact i would be asking if he would be in the slightest bit bothered if he didn't live with you and the children, sounds like the answer would be no.

Isn't it nice that your H gets lots of time to himself. What a lucky man, having a great wife like you that does everything for him and your children.

I'm sure he must appreciate you very much...

He sounds depressed. OP said she’s suggested he gets help, but he refuses. You need to give him the choice - he gets help or loses his family. This isn’t fair on you and the kids.

He sounds fucking awful. Why does he think it’s ok for him to loll around while you do everything?

It doesn't sound like a matter of inattentiveness. It sounds like the op's husband has checked out of family life which is not really acceptable or sustainable.

He's only going to get worse. They turn into a parody of themselves

Why does he get unlimited time to himself? When is your downtime?

Exactly, I’d have given him one child to sort out rather than spending all morning tidying up and not getting ready, yes he was trying to hide but there’s only so many places to hide in your own house!