Not being invited to best friend’s wedding

The devil is in the detail here I think. The 'big party' likely is the wedding. When we were looking at venues, some places don't have a legally binding place for ceremonies. If we had chosen one of those options, we would have had to go to a registery office another day. And I don't think I really would have invited anyone to that, just witnesses maybe. Then we would have had a ceremony on the day that would have seemed like the real thing.

The fact she is being a bit cagey about it might show something more to it. But maybe she just doesn't want to go on about it as she knows you have an issue with it.

Did I read that right that you told her mum she was getting engaged, while she was away, hadn't been proposed to yet, and hadn't the once in life chance to ring her mum with the surprise news?

I didn't invite my mum to my wedding but did invite my neighbours. Cause... Witnesses.

The last time I checked, I still have a mum.
Don't get me wrong, she wasn't pleased about it at the time but it has never mattered since that day.

I think it is completely reasonable to feel a bit weird about it. Doesn't mean you think you should be invited.

She's entitled to draw her boundaries but presumably she values your friendship and so your feelings. I think it's perfectly reasonable for you to want to talk about it. Maybe you could approach it from an angle of saying up front you're not angling for an invitation but that you would love to hear about what her wedding day will be like because you love her and want to share the joy. She just surly understand that if you've shared everything up to now suddenly not doing feels a bit rejecting.

As an aside I would really not like it if my fiance had planned the proposal etc with my mate and not me, even if it was meant as a lovely surprise.

Ouch. I feel for you. It does very much depend whom else is invited though. Her coldness could be coming from not knowing how to deal with the guilt because of what she's promised.

If she's that good a friend, can't you have an open chat about it?

some other friends have said I should cut the friendship as it’s a slap in the face?

Your other friends are shit stirring as you’ve obviously been moaning about it to them.
It’s fine to be hurt you won’t get to share her big day, but if that’s her preference then it is what it is.
Only you can decide if it’s worth losing the friendship over.

She just stated it’s a small ceremony and she wants to enjoy her day and not be stressed. I understand that 100%.

She is being quite cold and short with anything wedding related as I’m trying to be a good friend and show interest

These things are opposites, OP.

She wants a small ceremony with no stress. That is very clearly “just leave it” territory. You obviously don’t “understand it 100%”.

She doesn’t want to chat about it, she doesn’t want to share details, she doesn’t want you to “show interest.” She wants a private ceremony and is getting cold with you because you’re transgressing her boundaries while claiming to be with her.

Just leave the poor lass to it. You can be still be best friends.

I think you need to establish if it’s family only. If she has invited other friends, but not you, then that’s a different matter.

I didn’t invite my best friend to my wedding. We remain very close.

Is it just family who are going to the wedding ceremony?

Do you know what is invited? Any other friends?