Parents of children with anxiety ..

Agreed. The boy is abusing his mother!!

He won't ever get a friend if he banned like that.

Have you ever heard of PDA. I know you said your son had been assessed for ASD and although PDA is an ASD profile, it presents completely differently. The need for control and avoiding demands, along with anxiety are all symptoms. It can seem like they come across abusive and controlling but it’s actually deep rooted anxiety. A PDA child also uses a lot of equalising behaviour, it might be worth having a read up on it?

yes but likewise… if he behaves with a friend like how he thinks he can behave with his own mother… then he will never have friends

and if he ever gets a girlfriend he will be as controlling as he is with you

OP… you need to seriously parent up. When he starts with his nonsense about what you can and can’t do.. you chuckle to yourself and say “don’t be daft” or “i’ll do exactly what i like under my own roof”.

What are you trying to say?

I SAID l didn’t know if would be any help. 58% is comorbid. This means 42 % isn’t. Which is also a significant amount.

Dont understand your rant about NHS and ND. It was just a suggestion. Society may be ‘fucked’ but it doesn’t take away from the fact that.

a) people are missed in diagnosis
b) ADHD can cause anxiety
c) Medication can change anxiety.

I merely made a suggestion. You’ve changed it in to something else.

You say 58% as if it isn't significant and it is enormously significant which is why we say 'co-morbid'. That's literally what it means, two or more conditions occurring at the same time.

And yes, of course some people will be missed but with the massive and unprecedented numbers of people who either have a neurodevelopmental disorder or those who believe they have but don't, the NHS and society is a bit fucked at the minute trying to assess and accommodate the overwhelming numbers of people who either have a disorder or identity with one.

That may well as be. But it was completely missed at my DD’s ASD asssessmemt done by a massive ND branch of the children’s hospital. Who have been fantastic.

It was just a chance comment. And the 2 are often co morbid. But not all the time. I think it’s about 58%

They're frequently co-morbid conditions with significant overlap of potential symptoms. Any decent assessor who is assessing for ASD or ADHD will be considering both, they might not be qualified to diagnose both but many are; but would know enough to know when to refer on to specialised services. Or the assessment service is a neurodevelopmental service through community paediatrics where ASC/ADHD are considered at the same time.

Particularly in under 18s, where it's often neurodevelopmental service in paediatrics andnot just a separate ASD/ADHD assessment which occurs more often in adults.

I did say l didn’t know if it would help…….

Also ADHD can have high levels of anxiety. And he has been tested for ASDnot ADHD.

But OPs DS has been assessed for ASD and not diagnosed and doesn't have any indicators of ADHD either.

It's not that helpful for her to be given advice for children with neurodevelopmental disorders when he doesn't have them.

Dunno if this might help.

My Dd had always had really bad anxiety. Diagnosed ASd at 16.

But, and this was the breakthrough a chance remark led to an ADHD diagnosis. Meds have been a gamechanger for her crippling anxiety. Transformative. And l would never have guessed she had ADHD….

Good luck. 👍

Yes, I do have professional experience which is why I said this was going beyond anxiety into controlling and abusive behaviour and shouldn't be dismissed as anxiety-driven as abuse never should be. Particularly as he has significant input from services and does not appear to have a neurodevelopmental disorder.

And I don't know where you live but where I am, a 14 year old is clearly in the child realm and should be dealt with by CAMHS. If he was 17 it becomes problematic in terms of services and likelihood of provision but 14 is very clear.

Have you been offered NVR?

Can i add to the setraline comments.

Members of my family have attachement disorder and trauma. This helps them. They can they start to apply cbt techniques but before that they cant.

My daughter had Anxiety .. and is now diagnosed with ASD (she was diagnosed last year at the age of 17)

The thing that has made the most difference has been her starting on Setraline. She also had therapy, but her anxiety was so great that she would feel overwhelmed before she was able to put her “strategies” into place. I paid for private therapy weekly, as there wasn’t anything suitable on the NHS.

This led to her missing all of Y10 & Y11, and the first year of college (she is there now, just a year late)

she was at home, full time, for 3 years … hardly went out, never went out without me .. and yes it was tough.

She’s now full time at college, I don’t hear from her at all in the day - which was strange at first. Her social skills are much better, but I feel she’s still socially behind by a couple of years.

We are similar. It’s improved, I can go out during the day (as long as I have my phone). Not at night though.
DD only has a partial timetable at school so she is home a lot though. When she is good, it’s fine, when she is in a bad cycle it’s oppressive though and she needs to be near me all the time.
We’ve been to CAHMS, not helpful though. CBT and talking therapy was distressing for her. She doesn’t want medication. I find positive experiences are the things that make the difference for her.
Shes going to a friends for a few hours this week and she wants to go to another’s (but she’s having her own issues and won’t see people) but the fact she’s going is poisitive.

yes but the professional arena in terms of child definition is the same. He is 14. a child

It’s important that you enforce those boundaries because the more he feels he controls the anxieties, the more he will want to. He needs to learn to live with the uncomfortable feelings.

It’s a fine line to tread op, but don’t give in for an easy life. Give an inch, and he’ll take a mile type thing, because once you give in to one thing, he’ll try to control another.

Good luck op, it sounds incredibly difficult.

my son is 13 with ADHD and very much regraded as a child in the eyes of professionals