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Help! I can’t stand MIL over excitement about our pregnancy

128 replies

MumDaisy1980 · 23/03/2024 05:22

I m already in month 9 and had already a few times felt like bottleneck as MIL just too excited about the grandkid. Pouring all the labour stories, asking every single details about our baby preparation, self invite herself to check our baby set up. She also has a tendency like to spread things around in family, as in feel like is her mission to make sure everyone is informed about everything. Like by now I know my sis in law her history of her preg (how’s her labour, during preg what she did) or my DH’s bro’s partner medical records. I have been keeping my discomfort to myself, didn’t share with DH.

now, I m close to my due date , would say 3 weeks away. And I felt irritated when got a message from MIL asking if the baby is out yet. I felt like can she just leave us alone. If it happened for sure we will share? We won’t hide it or anything. And I also got the feeling as in she want to be the first one to find out then can break the news, rather than us.

although yes she was being friendly or caring. But because the contrast between before and after preg just too much. As in before preg , hubby n I are quite independent from the fam. We meet the fam during bdays etc and occasional basis . Also won’t have much contact If not necessary. After preg, just message as freq as my midwife appointment as of she is part of the journey. There were times I didn’t reply her (she message on watsapp group with me and hubby). So maybe she sense I don’t want to be disturbed, then she would call hubby to find out all the details.

last night during dinner, I don’t want to be offensive but also really want to let my DH knows in advance. I did say when baby born I want to 100% follow my gut feeling. But I am afraid I can’t handle his fam excitement, like want to visit or ask everything about the baby - while I think the focus should be on bonding among DH , me and baby. My DH reaction was positive and said sure. He seems respected my thoughts but I arent sure if it will be the case when it actually happen. At least I communicated.

i wonder if anyone got similar experience?! Or advice to keep sane in situation like this - like the in laws obviously try to help and care and happy for us. But just felt too much.

thanks!!

Help! I can’t stand MIL over excitement about our pregnancy
OP posts:
CaribbeanCupcake · 23/03/2024 06:28

My mum was exactly like this, it's exhausting. Now baby is here and there's no let up- wants constant photos and even when sent, asks for more in reply, then sends them to everyone in her phone book. Her obsession with her grandchild is off the scale and I don't think especially healthy- especially when she wasn't so bothered about her own kids growing up 🙄

I honestly don't know what the answer is as my sister tried speaking to her, to be told "it's my grandchild" and seemingly thinks this gives her the god given right not to respect boundaries.

All I do now is send the odd photo, don't reply to her messages for a few hours and make excuses not to see her every time she asks.

To the pp, yes of course you want your children to be loved by their grand parents but how the op has described and what I'm going through with my mum is suffocating. They are making themselves the star of the show and it's unfair to be making announcements and telling other family members every detail when it's not necessary and often private medical info which she has no right to do.

lemonmeringueno3 · 23/03/2024 05:57

I don't see a problem really. It sounds as if your baby will be really loved. You may welcome a hands-on grandma who wants to help and be involved.

When you have your lovely baby in your arms, you will understand that that love is lifelong. Your mum still loves you like that and your mil still loves your dh like that.

What harm can her excitement possibly do? If you don't want to communicate with her, let dh do that.

Happybirthdaytotheground · 23/03/2024 05:40

Can you tell her that they have moved your due date and it is now later m? Say you had a scan etc etc everything is fine but they think dates are wrong? Something like 3% babies are born on their due date so this might just save your sanity if you go to nearly 42 weeks like me!

For everything else I would discuss with your partner what your boundaries are. Absolutely do not tell her when you are in labour. Tell her when the baby is born of course but say ‘please respect our wishes of keeping this news to yourself as we want to be the ones to tell other family and friends that our child has been born’. By telling her first she will feel special.
Tell her before baby is born when you would like to be receiving visitors and that you are limiting that to morning until 11am etc etc. This is obviously bound to change depending on what type of delivery and baby you have.

I had a similar experience with my mum but I actually called her earlier when my first was born as he was a tricky newborn had colic very unsettled. We prepared for the same with my second but he is the total opposite & just slept 😂 so when she came I caught up on sleep and recovered.

It is very frustrating when you are pregnant to have someone like this, especially with your w. But if she loves children, is good with them and wants to be around them, the support for childcare is invaluable so set the boundaries in a firm but fair way but don’t piss her off as having support is really needed!

wishing you all the best for the rest of your pregnancy and a safe delivery.

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