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AIBU?

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Original poster

Being called Mrs *-*

772 replies

LorlieS · 23/03/2024 00:00

I'm married and a Ms My Last Name - His Last Name (hubby also double-barrelled when we married).
So why do so many people insist on addressing me as a Mrs?! AIBU to be annoyed by this?

OP posts:
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6
Itloggedmeoutagain · 23/03/2024 08:31

InWalksBarberalla · 23/03/2024 08:19

Interesting, do you mind me asking is it a two way thing - does the teacher also refer to the parent with a title surname, or use a first name for the parent?

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I would always use a parent's title.
The mum of a parent I used to teach asked me to call her by her first name. To me it just felt weird!

SerafinasGoose · 23/03/2024 08:30

OP, of course YANBU.

But given the nature of your thread, it's only a matter of time before the commencement of that incessant refrain 'I couldn't get worked up about that ...'.

Oh. Too late.

mydogisthebest · 23/03/2024 08:29

I am married (have been for over 40 years) and want to be called Mrs. I keep getting letters addressed to Ms which pisses me off. The GP surgery always address their letters and texts this way although I have repeatedly asked them to call me Mrs.

usernother · 23/03/2024 08:29

I seem to be one of the few people on MN who couldn't care less what people call me and that goes for my first name as well. I really don't care if someone calls me Mrs, miss or Mr. Or Barry.

1983Louise · 23/03/2024 08:29

You sound very angry about it, could be worse they could refer to you as Mr ............ Worse things are happening in the world, have a cup.of tea and a lie down.

Soontobe60 · 23/03/2024 08:28

SnapdragonToadflax · 23/03/2024 06:28

I LOVE that you're a teacher using Ms. I was really quite shocked when my son started school to find the female teachers were all Miss or Mrs. There was just one member of staff (not a teacher) using Ms.

Personally I agree that women should only use one title, and it should be Ms. And yes, I know feminism is about choice. But come on.

So you're going to dictate what titles women should choose? Why?

Itloggedmeoutagain · 23/03/2024 08:26

LorlieS · 23/03/2024 00:14

@LittleGreenDragons Indeed. Hence why there should only be one for women imo.

Does that not take away the choice from others?
Just because you want to be Ms doesn't mean everyone does

surreygirl1987 · 23/03/2024 08:25

Soontobe60 · 23/03/2024 08:23

So, you’re not happy being referred to as ‘Mrs’ but you were happy to actually get married? Seems a bit hypocritical to me.

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How so? Why is she hypocritical? Like her, I got married, but I'd be called Mrs over my dead body!

Soontobe60 · 23/03/2024 08:25

LorlieS · 23/03/2024 00:31

@WhateverMate I work in a huge primary with many other women, most of whom are also married. I'm literally the only one who isn't a Mrs. Nearly everyone therefore (pupils and parents) refers to female members of staff (especially over a cetain age) as Mrs X.

I bet mMany of the children also refer to the male teachers as Mrs / Miss too

Soontobe60 · 23/03/2024 08:23

LorlieS · 23/03/2024 00:07

@HeddaGarbled It's not my title, nor one I wish to be referred to by.

So, you’re not happy being referred to as ‘Mrs’ but you were happy to actually get married? Seems a bit hypocritical to me.

surreygirl1987 · 23/03/2024 08:23

LorlieS · 23/03/2024 00:00

I'm married and a Ms My Last Name - His Last Name (hubby also double-barrelled when we married).
So why do so many people insist on addressing me as a Mrs?! AIBU to be annoyed by this?

OP ypu are absolutely NOT unreasonable. I am totally with you. In 100 years time society will look back at this archaic practice and be I disbelief at women labelling themselves by marital status whilst men do not. It's horrendous.

MrsPilkingtonPooh · 23/03/2024 08:23

YABU - to be annoyed really.

I used the title 'Mrs' (teacher too - secondary) and I have it on my door.

On the mock exam papers I recently marked (some from students I have taught for 4 years) I was named as 'Ms' and 'Dr' and 'Miss' by quite a lot of students. Students frequently call me 'Dr' as I'm the only teacher of Chemistry/Physics who doesn't have a PhD, so they just associate a teacher of those subjects with being a 'Dr'. I dare say at home they refer to me as 'Dr PP' too.

Just correct it. I get it is important to you but to most other people it is a small detail that is easily overlooked, I doubt they are doing it on purpose.

K37529 · 23/03/2024 08:23

It is very reasonable for people to assume you are Mrs because you are married. I think this is why feminism has become so unpopular, making an issue of every little thing. Why don’t you focus your anger on things that actually matter.

Boomer55 · 23/03/2024 08:23

RampantIvy · 23/03/2024 08:18

Because it isn't a big deal. I'm a Mrs but don't feel "owned" by my husband. If anything I'm the "boss" in our household Grin

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Yep. I’ve been a married woman for 50 years. Two husbands, and neither thought they owned me lol 🤐

Im happy to be called “Mrs”, even though I’m a widow now.

RampantIvy · 23/03/2024 08:23

surreygirl1987 · 23/03/2024 08:21

Language is always a big deal. Read some Orwell. Mrs is archaic.

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So what.

It is clearly important to you, but it isn't to me.

You do you.

surreygirl1987 · 23/03/2024 08:22

InWalksBarberalla · 23/03/2024 08:19

Interesting, do you mind me asking is it a two way thing - does the teacher also refer to the parent with a title surname, or use a first name for the parent?

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I for one always refer to the parent with their title. And I always check it on the school system before emailing to ensure that the title is correct.

surreygirl1987 · 23/03/2024 08:21

RampantIvy · 23/03/2024 08:18

Because it isn't a big deal. I'm a Mrs but don't feel "owned" by my husband. If anything I'm the "boss" in our household Grin

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Language is always a big deal. Read some Orwell. Mrs is archaic.

FlyingDuck5 · 23/03/2024 08:20

What’s wrong with Mrs? Do you think less of married women?

surreygirl1987 · 23/03/2024 08:20

Sparkleandshine231 · 23/03/2024 03:18

I was with you until this comment. A doctor is referred to as Dr …. As respect for their quals. Only teachers think they should receive the same level of respect for much lesser qualifications.

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And this is the problem with teaching - it is treated as a low status career.

I am Dr by the way. I am also a teacher. I have a PhD. I expect to be called by my correct title, yes, in respect of my qualifications... but also because it is my name.

InWalksBarberalla · 23/03/2024 08:19

NewShoes · 23/03/2024 07:37

That’s funny - I’m a parent and a teacher and in both roles teachers are always referred to by their title and surname, and this is true for all the schools I have worked in!

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Interesting, do you mind me asking is it a two way thing - does the teacher also refer to the parent with a title surname, or use a first name for the parent?

RampantIvy · 23/03/2024 08:18

surreygirl1987 · 23/03/2024 08:13

So what? It basically means we are owned by men. I can't believe so many women still choose to call themselves Mrs (their husband's name).

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Because it isn't a big deal. I'm a Mrs but don't feel "owned" by my husband. If anything I'm the "boss" in our household Grin

surreygirl1987 · 23/03/2024 08:18

NewShoes · 23/03/2024 07:37

That’s funny - I’m a parent and a teacher and in both roles teachers are always referred to by their title and surname, and this is true for all the schools I have worked in!

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Yeh, my title and surname is used all day every day as a teacher. Whenever I meet a new class, I explain to them exactly why I choose never to be a 'Mrs' and the history behind women's titles. Thr language we use IS important, even if many people on this thread don't think so.

AgnesX · 23/03/2024 08:17

LorlieS · 23/03/2024 00:04

@Rosestulips Mostly assuming.

It happens when you get to a certain age....

surreygirl1987 · 23/03/2024 08:15

Bluefell · 23/03/2024 07:49

People who don’t know I’m married call me Miss. People who don’t know my surname call me Mrs DH-Surname or Mrs DC-Surname. I’m actually Dr Maiden-Name. I don’t care and don’t see why it matters?

Of course it matters! Name is part of identity. I'm Dr too. One reason I did a PhD was to escape the stupid Mrs/Miss/Miss nonsense. Men don't have to deal with this. I detest being called Mrs. I have NEVER been Mrs in my life, as once I married I was called Ms. I hate that the default assumption is Mrs rather than Ms. The world had changed, but women's titles haven't kept up with that.

Tomasinabombadil · 23/03/2024 08:14

ComtesseDeSpair · 23/03/2024 00:11

It was tradition for centuries and it’s only been a handful of decades since it stopped being the norm. It’ll take several more, I think, for the people to whom it was always the norm to (literally) die out, and it become customary to ask rather than assume.

Though the vast majority of people I know and meet automatically assume (correctly) that I neither took DH’s name nor title myself Mrs, so change is definitely underway. When I got married last year not a single one of my colleagues asked whether they should now refer to me with a different name.

Edited

I got married in 1977 and had not taken or used my husbands name, and my title is still Miss.
There was a period during the 1980’s when I worked for the same company as my long time employed husband, my (and his) colleagues knew we were both married but didn’t realise it was to each other. We told them eventually after there had been some lighthearted banter about my husband having ‘a bit on the side’ because we would have lunch together most days in the staff restaurant & often go for a walk afterwards.🤣

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