Being called Mrs *-*

My mistake @GneissGuysFinishLast
I'll edit my post - although it is usually women.

*financially vulnerable people

Why does this not surprise me? 🤔

Because marriage is a legal contract and offers more protection to the financially vulnerable partner (in theory).

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/living-together-and-marriage-legal-differences/

Then YADBU. How many people go round being called Ms ffs?

Out of the ordinary? It’s 2024 and Ms has been around since the 70s. OP just correct people every time. That’s what I do and if it’s in a professional situation where they absolutely shouldn’t make assumptions then I point this out to them.

@80skid it’s very reasonable to assume that a woman who is married has the title Mrs, and to be angry that people are making this assumption is ridiculous. I do agree with you though, I don’t think women should have different titles for marital status, and if OP was pushing for this to be changed I’d 100% back her, but she isn’t doing that, she’s getting angry at random almost strangers for making a very reasonable assumption 🤷‍♀️

Interestingly If we get a letter to "Gemma and James Smith" rather than Mr and Mrs Smith then I think that the person writing isn't educated enough to understand how a letter should be addressed.

I used to work in a school where Sir and Madam were the usual forms of address rather than Sir and Miss when not using surnames. After getting over the brothel vibe I found it quite pleasing to be referred to as Madam.

I’m a Ms, and was so when married and still now I’m divorced. I’d prefer the European style of calling all adult women the equivalent of Mrs, Madame, Frau etc. The only title I actually dislike is Miss because it makes me think of a child or a misogynistic belittling of someone who hasn’t managed to ‘catch a husband.’ Pah!

Maybe a significant proportion of women put up with it because they are happy with it? I am a Mrs out of choice.

OP you are not unreasonable at all.
I don't know why this malarkey of Miss/ Mrs is not abolished already. Why a man is always a Mr not matter their marital status?
And why women still put up with this?

I'm forever Ms. And didn't change my family name. He can change his if he wish.

One of my favourite things about being married was becoming Mrs Husband name. It feels like a lovely unit. It's traditional. I'm not less of a woman because of it.

I'm really sad to think traditions will die out because of some silly idea of it being patriarchal and making a stand about it.

I haven't read all the messages but this is actually one of the reasons I didn't take DH's name. I really really didn't see why I had to be Mrs and I very quickly realised that if we shared a name, there wasn't a chance in hell that I would d be referred to as Ms DH Name.

Having said that, DS school is very good about getting names right but I was amused recently to receive an email from his form teacher saying Dear Mrs MyName. I really thought the fact that my name is different to both DS' and my DH's would be a clear sign I'm not Mrs anything!

Is that true? I didn’t know that. So MD doctors don’t officially have the title ‘dr’? Is that right. I’m really curious about that as a PhD holder, I always feel a bit awkward using that title.

There are schools who do this. I worked in one. Took some getting used to but it was just accepted as the norm

I am afraid I don’t have the time nor inclination to educate you about feminism and the history of the subjugation of women and why saying ‘calm down dear’ to a man is rude and unhelpful, but not as offensive as saying it to a woman.

There is nothing wrong whatsoever with wanting to be 'Mrs', but it's just the assumption and sometimes direct questioning by men. It's always men. I don't know if this is the norm but I never used the prefixes when writing official correspondence to people. So it would just be the name, unless it's copied information. If I have to address them by surname and it's a female I would always assume Ms as common ground. I have had someone correcting me to Mrs which is cool. But its rare. It seems to happen when their actual surname has changed and that's when people moan if they use the old one.

I think schools should consider why teachers are commonly referred to as Sir and Miss rather than Sir and Ma'am and whether in this day and age they should change this to reflect the fact that women have equal status and can continue working when married.

Because Ms is relatively new form of address.

Pot, kettle, black.

Tbh this thread has been astounding for the sheer volume of sneery "just chill out"/"don't you have other problems" type of posts. It's entirely possible to have more than one thought in our heads.

I think it’s a very old tradition so people naturally think that once you’re married you’re a Mrs and take husband’s last name. That is what most women do. I’m sure they couldn’t care less about what you’re called. It’s probably confusing for them that you don’t want to be Mrs but you have taken your husband’s last name. I’m not sure I understand why one’s ok and the other isn’t to be honest.

So it's not reserved for women
I'm not seeing your reference to sexism

I'm not even married to my partner and I still get called Mrs HisLastName by all kinds of people, for unknown reasons. Our last names don't even contain any of the same letters.

I also don't work in an education setting, where I feel these assumptions/terms get used more.

'Insecure' and 'chipper'. Nice way to describe a woman who wants to be known as Ms. She's not asking for the moon in a stick, just that her choice of title be adopted.

You've got it the wrong way around. Unless they have earned an actual research doctorate (which is what "Dr" means - it denotes an academic teacher) physicians' use of the title isn't strictly speaking appropriate, it's mere custom.