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AIBU?

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Original poster

Being called Mrs *-*

772 replies

LorlieS · 23/03/2024 00:00

I'm married and a Ms My Last Name - His Last Name (hubby also double-barrelled when we married).
So why do so many people insist on addressing me as a Mrs?! AIBU to be annoyed by this?

OP posts:
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6
SocksAndTheCity · 24/03/2024 18:49

But you already have that right @LorlieS ? Nothing and nobody is preventing you, or me or anyone else using whatever title they see fit, providing they're not masquerading as something they're not to commit fraud, or whatever.

What you're talking about is people making incorrect assumptions, but they're going to do that about this, that and the other regardless whether it's because you're short, tall, male, female, wear glasses, have long hair or short hair - it goes on forever. Life's too short, for me at least.

ForTonightGodisaDJ · 24/03/2024 18:47

LorlieS · 24/03/2024 10:27

@Sparkleandshine231 Oh OK, then. What do GPs call themselves, for example? Police officers?
As a teacher I would address a parent by their title and would hope that they also addressed me as Ms --.

They aren't going to.

OneMoreTime23 · 24/03/2024 18:35

AlwaysGinPlease · 24/03/2024 18:30

This. Obviously.

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No no no no no no no.

Original poster
LorlieS · 24/03/2024 18:34

@AlwaysGinPlease @HeddaGarbled It may still be traditional form of address for a married woman, but it's not mine. I wish to be afforded the same right as men, and that is for my title to be entirely independent of my martial status.
I have no idea why anybody needs to know this?

OP posts:
AlwaysGinPlease · 24/03/2024 18:30

HeddaGarbled · 23/03/2024 00:06

Because it’s the traditional form of address for a married woman.

This. Obviously.

Original poster
LorlieS · 24/03/2024 18:27

@MassageForLife Indeed you are correct. I was a Ms before I married.

OP posts:
Growlybear83 · 24/03/2024 18:07

PutOnYourRedShoesAndLetsDance · 24/03/2024 17:54

You're married it's Mrs.
I'm single..l get called Mrs and I'm definitely a Miss.

I disagree. Although I feel very very strongly that I want to be addressed as Mrs and will correct anyone who refers to me as Ms or Miss, I respect the right of other women to call themselves by whatever title they want, and people should follow their wishes. Women are fortunate that they have a choice of titles, and it doesn't bother me if someone gets my title wrong once. But when you know how someone wants to be addressed, it is just plain ignorant to call them by any other title.

MassageForLife · 24/03/2024 18:05

TayIorShift · 24/03/2024 18:03

So she still changed because of marriage. But harps on that you shouldn't change because of marriage, but yet she did.

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Where do you get that she changed because of marriage?

I imagine that op doesn't want any title that reflects marital status and so was Ms before marriage too.

StarlightLady · 24/03/2024 18:04

People’s perceptions can be weird. I’m a Ms, but by some I’ve been calked a “skirt wearing feminist”. I don’t know what one of those is, but l have got a skirt on today.

TayIorShift · 24/03/2024 18:03

MassageForLife · 24/03/2024 17:59

Because Miss also denotes martial status.

I didn't think this was difficult to understand.

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So she still changed because of marriage. But harps on that you shouldn't change because of marriage, but yet she did.

OneMoreTime23 · 24/03/2024 18:01

PutOnYourRedShoesAndLetsDance · 24/03/2024 17:54

You're married it's Mrs.
I'm single..l get called Mrs and I'm definitely a Miss.

Been married nearly 20 years and never once answered to Mrs.

(Nobody has the right to decide what I am called but me, BTW.)

CurlewKate · 24/03/2024 18:00

@TayIorShift presumably because she wanted a title that did not indicate her marital status.

Incidentally-my dd was born a Ms-as in as soon as anybody asked for a title for her she was a Ms. My choice, of course. But she's 28 now and still Ms!

MassageForLife · 24/03/2024 17:59

TayIorShift · 24/03/2024 17:56

So why did Oap change to Ms? Why not stay Miss? Why change at all if there's an issue with changing because of marriage?

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Because Miss also denotes martial status.

I didn't think this was difficult to understand.

CurlewKate · 24/03/2024 17:57

@PutOnYourRedShoesAndLetsDance "You're married it's Mrs.
I'm single..l get called Mrs and I'm definitely a Miss."

Or-you're a woman it's Ms. Just as you're a man you're Mr.

TayIorShift · 24/03/2024 17:56

MassageForLife · 24/03/2024 17:53

The difference is that one is used because of martial status, the other isn't.

So why did Oap change to Ms? Why not stay Miss? Why change at all if there's an issue with changing because of marriage?

PutOnYourRedShoesAndLetsDance · 24/03/2024 17:54

You're married it's Mrs.
I'm single..l get called Mrs and I'm definitely a Miss.

MassageForLife · 24/03/2024 17:53

The difference is that one is used because of martial status, the other isn't.

TayIorShift · 24/03/2024 17:51

MassageForLife · 24/03/2024 17:49

What a strange question.

I guess some babies are born with titles - royalty and landed gentry for example. But surely the title that most of us have as a child, is given after birth based on sex. I don't think many are 'born with' a title.

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It's not a strange question. I am asking was OP a Ms from when she was born. Or did she change her title to Ms from Miss? Because she seems to have an issue that people have changed from Miss to Mrs, what's the difference?

MassageForLife · 24/03/2024 17:49

TayIorShift · 24/03/2024 17:36

Were you born a Ms?

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What a strange question.

I guess some babies are born with titles - royalty and landed gentry for example. But surely the title that most of us have as a child, is given after birth based on sex. I don't think many are 'born with' a title.

CurlewKate · 24/03/2024 17:37

@iLovee "The only Ms. I know....."

Do you genuinely only know one Ms?

TayIorShift · 24/03/2024 17:36

LorlieS · 24/03/2024 17:22

@TayIorShift Strangely enough he kept to Mr! We both added on to our existing family name.

Were you born a Ms?

MassageForLife · 24/03/2024 17:26

LorlieS · 24/03/2024 17:20

@MassageForLife I'd people assume from my title I'm a feminist then spot on!

I have no issues at all being described as a feminist. (I certainly don't think feminism is about 'destroying gender differences', although some feminists might be about that) - but I chose to be 'Ms' before I understood what feminism really was, and I wouldn't have allied myself with it at that stage.

Original poster
LorlieS · 24/03/2024 17:22

@TayIorShift Strangely enough he kept to Mr! We both added on to our existing family name.

OP posts:
Original poster
LorlieS · 24/03/2024 17:20

@MassageForLife I'd people assume from my title I'm a feminist then spot on!

OP posts:
TayIorShift · 24/03/2024 17:19

LorlieS · 24/03/2024 17:01

@TayIorShift Did your husband change his title and last name when he married you or does he not love you enough? I'm just basing this upon your argument...

No we made a decision on it being my name that changed, because that's what I really wanted and we were really happy with that. Why is that not OK? I find this argument so weird that you're banging on about only being able to change titles if the man does too! Were you born a Ms? Or did you change to Ms? If you changed to Ms what did your DH change to? Based on your argument.

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