To think that DH is weirdly angry about me being sick?

I‘m not very good when people I care about are ill. I know I can be a bit short with them sometimes and just want them to be better as fast as possible.
For me I’ve worked out that it’s an anxiety/worry response.
It’s something I’m trying to get better at.

Same here. Not nasty, but in denial. COVID floored me. I was three days flat out not being able to breathe properly, sick and dizzy, then 14 more poorly and weak. He told everyone who asked that I was fine.
I isolated myself and only came out to the loo when he left the house, and wiped everything, because I was seriously worried about giving it to him.
I had to beg for food and drinks, and got it eventually with a very huffy attitude. I picked up a bottle of pop and packet of biscuits left lying on the side and took them in with me, so that I had something to eat. Everything was too much trouble.
I seriously do worry about what would happen if I became unable to look after myself in later life.

I have experienced this behaviour and believe it is caused by fear of losing you. DH detaches himself to stop the pain he feels.

Same here, my husband says I'm cold hearted cos I don't fuss over him when he's doing his dying Swan act. I don't ignore him or act jealous in any way though like ops husband so I don't know what his problem is

He sounds triggered. Fight or flight mode. If this only happens when you are unwell and you say his mum has issues too. Could it be that illness triggers him? He may feel like a little boy trapped and stressed and upset. Doesn’t give him any right to do it, mind you. He needs help to ensure his issues don’t cause pain to others.

How are you OP? Haven’t rtft but the glass in chest feeling could be pleurisy

I work in healthcare, over 30 years of experience. A significant minority of male partners leave or become abusive to female partners when they are diagnosed with a potentially fatal, life altering or chronic medical condition. I dont mean the ones who are so overwhelmed that they dont know what to do , I mean the ones that actually do not care at all or are angry that THEIR life will change.
The strange thing is that its often not the ones you think it will be. Some very , very traditional husbands have been the most fantastic support and the nicest seeming men have fucked off.

He's not following the in sickness and in health part of the wedding vows. What if you were seriously ill? Your username is right, why stay with someone who treats you so poorly?

So he can be a nice partner when you’re well and focused on him and not asking for anything.

What a prince. Ugh. @DickheadDH he sounds like an intolerable and selfish shit. Love and partnership is about supporting the other person when they need support, amongst other things. But not being able to trust or rely on your partner when you’re unwell exposes the rot at the core of the relationship. I’m sorry, that’s horrible for you. Get well soon

So weird because my dad always did this growing up! Nothing to do with doing chores or anything, just extra snappy and pissed off and not asking how I was whenever I was ill.

It’s a virus now but do you trust him to look after you if something serious happens? It will only get worse as you age.

My FIL was like this, everytime MIL got ill it was ignored or she was made to feel bad about it. She got breast cancer, he was going to let her get the bus (over an hour each way) on her own for her diagnosis appointment until we shamed him into taking her. Obviously all her treatments she went on the bus as he wouldn’t take her. He was utterly unsympathetic.

Then a few years later she got dementia and you do not want to know how bad that got. We had to call in adult social services due to his lack of care. It seems we all missed he was a complete narcissist and it was all about him.

^^^ This.

Why don’t you ask him OP, when you aren’t sick and see what he says. Do you pander to him when he’s sick? If so, stop doing that.

I would honestly rather be on my own than deal with this shit. Even low level shit, “he’s great- unless I’m sick”. Well woe betide you get anything really serious then!

When I had to go in to hospital DH who works full time in a stressful job, had to do it all, school runs, deal with the dog (that I wanted), hospital visits, he didn’t stop. When I was discharged I still wasn’t 100% and back and forth to hospital. But he never once moaned! I repaid the favour when he broke his leg and needed an op. Were we tired, exhausted etc God yeah!

Your children see this behaviour, take it all in. They’ll turn out the same, men do fuck all, women take it up the metaphorical arse. That’s just how it is.

Divorce Far More Common When The Wife Is The Patient

A woman is six times more likely to be separated or divorced soon after a diagnosis of cancer or multiple sclerosis than if a man in the relationship is the patient, according to a study that examined the role gender played in so-called "partner abandonment."

Why men leave a sick spouse can be partly explained by their lack of ability, compared to women, to make more rapid commitments to being caregivers to a sick partner and women's better ability to assume the burdens of maintaining a home and family, the study authors said.

full study is here

Broken glass in your chest and weakness sounds like a chest infection. I think you should get an appt to see if you need antibiotics. Without them, it can go on for weeks.

Yeah he's a dick. Disclaimer: are you often ill or performative about it? In the end, having a cold or a sore throat is not really ill is it but to hear some posters talk... surely you just take some meds and go about your day?

My mother grew up with a series of nannies and housemaids because her own mother had long-term TB, among other conditions, and was too unwell to care for her. My grandmother spent years convalescing in bed and my mother could only visit her for an hour or so at a time to avoid tiring her out. She is the kindest, most selfless person I know. I almost loved being sick as a child, because she would bring lemonade and trays of nice food with a small vase of flowers to my sickbed to encourage me to eat & I’d be allowed to have a small TV set up on a bridge table and watch daytime TV. Such luxury. My dad, on the other hand, would put his head around the door in the evening and insinuate that I was malingering- even with a fever. I can’t remember my mother ever spending a day ill in bed, I doubt my father would have tolerated it.

I could never be with a man like this.

What is the actual point of even being in a relationship let alone a marriage if the other won’t help you when you need it?

Horrified and depressed by this.

When I got a nasty bout of covid in 2022 and was in bed for 2 weeks Dh just stepped up did everything I did. Yes the teens ate more processed meat than I would have liked but there you go. All my food brought up to me as I would do for him.

What was he like when your DC were newborns?

Absolutely fuck that. If a man cheerfully told me he wouldn’t be sympathetic when I was ill because of an unrelated childhood experience and I was just to accept that I would run a fucking mile. I sincerely hope you don’t mean you apply the same logic to children of your own.

Women are at a high risk of being divorced by male partners if they become critically ill or disabled. There are studies\ articles about it. I'll try to find and post them. It's depressing

I was in an accident ten years ago that left me disabled for life.

My then H really really struggled to cope. In his world I was the person that did the looking after and he really found it hard to switch it around.

I was in hospital for a week with a seriously smashed up leg, multiple operations, facing the prospect of never walking again and he'd ring me to cry that he didn't know what food to make for the kids. (They were 13).

In the end the kids largely looked after themselves because they worked out after about a week that apart from earning money he couldn't do anything else. They made him food sometimes when they were in a good mood.

He never did learn how to care or even pretend to care for someone else. Now an ExH.

This. My dogs will be waited on hand and foot (paw?!!😂) if they have anything wrong with them. With DH it’s tough love all the way. I’ll make sure there’s tablets and obviously cook tea etc, but I won’t be having a bedside vigil, holding his hand and studiously wiping his fevered brow with a cold compress. Get some paracetamol down you, drink lots of water and get some sleep and you’ll be reet! And if not, don’t whinge to me making yourself a martyr - phone up and book a doctors appointment so you can get proper help from a professional who knows what they are doing.

I think in some people it can be a fear thing. They get angry at you for worrying them, and they try to get you to carry on as normal to prove to themselves that you are not that sick.

A friend of mine was diagnosed with adult ADHD a couple of years ago after consulting a psych when one of her children was diagnosed. It had a really profound impact on her because she had struggled with so many issues since childhood and suddenly everything made sense. She was prescribed meds and they have really helped to manage some of her symptoms.

Recently my friend’s husband texted her when he was “bored at work” and said he’d done a few online tests and he has ADHD too. He added that he wouldn’t be looking for a formal diagnosis or meds because they weren’t necessary/he didn’t believe in them.

TBH it was hard to know what to say to her. “LTB”was tempting but I bit my tongue