To find this very very annoying

Well I did and though I have to interact with my ex around stuff to do with the children, I thank the Lord that I don't have to deal with his faffing and bullshit every day or feel any way responsible for it or like I have to account for it or manage it. People used to say things to me like, why don't you tell him that the thing is on an hour earlier than it actually is? Why the fuck should I play stupid games like that with a grown adult on a 100k a year job? No, no and no.

Surely this is a control game. He wants everyone hanging around waiting for him to make decisions.

This is infuriating!

also he obviously doesn’t value his parents either - neither as people or THEIR time if he’s leaving things til last minute?! What about them making other plans! I reckon he’s waiting for a better offer before confirming with them, either way - I’d crack on now. Make your plans, if he wants to go and see his parents he can, you enjoy your time!

I had similar years back and I now don’t play the game.

He organises trips to his family (4 hours away) and I may join them once every couple of years or so.

We have a shared family calendar. If it’s not on it, it doesn’t exist. Book something without checking and there is a clash? Tough luck. Didn’t put it on there and now there are 2 things planned? Tough luck.

I carried the mental load for too long. He manages his calendar at work, he can do it at home as well.

You need to switch up your tactics for the next time this happens OP. You've got other weekends plus May bank holiday coming up - don't let this situation happen to you again.. 🌹

Stay home. Let him take the kids

Why can't you go for fewer days? It's your time off too. I would want 2 days with pil, one day to see my friends, and a day with dh and dc.

You have my sympathy. So do they.

I think I liked it better when you were staying around having fun with your friends 🤣.

‘sorry your friends are more important than my family’

ummm no, I just communicate with my friends and they want an answer! I’m not holding off making plans just because you can’t be bothered to make your mind up!

This would drive me crazy. I’d say confirm plans by x time or I’m making my own.
It’s like he wants everyone to put their lives on hold until he can get his stuff together (I thought a different word to ‘stuff’)

If something isn't in the calendar, it's not happening. You have to stick to it, OP, so he knows you're serious. If he doesn't confirm and then wants to go, he can but any plans you and the kids have still stand so he'll have to go alone

Tell him that if he manages to confirm his availability by the end of today, you'll get back to him with your availability on Easter morning and let him know whether you can make the visit 10 minutes before you're due to set off.

My ex was like this and it was a significant factor in my decision to end the marriage. We could never do anything because he would refuse to commit to things until it was too late so we ended up never going anywhere.

Some people are allergic to organisation and slightly phobic of any kind of forward planning.

It needs to be sorted out though, it’s an unsustainable indulgence. It’s a form of control. It’s basically him saying, “your plans don’t matter, I don’t want you to have any agency over your life”.

Will you actually make your own plans after the deadline comes and goes because you have to be prepared to do it and have the argument or all this is for nothing.
Make the plans and stick to it if you want something different then that's what you have to do. He'll either realise that he had to shape up or continue to sulk and blame you for everything- in which case you will have to decide what sort of relationship you want.

You and his parents are enabling him big time. Is this impacting kids as well? I had a friend whose parents were both like that and he got a lot of anxiety and nice booked everything and no plans causes him lot of stress. Next time you are with his family I would mention that not being able to plan has caused loads of issues to the kids, play dates need you be postponed or cancelled etc, so for the sake of that you would set deadlines and if he decides to change plans last minute you will stick to original so kids are not unsettled (and also you do not loose your friends!!). Then follow through and see if it changes.

In answer to your original question- No you are not being uptight. Of course you aren’t. You’re asking for some respect.

Not only is his attitude to you making you second guess yourself, it will affect your relationships with other people

• your friends because you can’t commit to plans when he puts “obstacles” in place .. (they’ll stop asking eventuality ) -your in laws because dh will no doubt make you look bad if you don’t see them over Easter,

• and it impacts your dc too. You can’t agree to a play date for ds because dh is deliberately making it difficult for you to plan things.

It’s not good if you’re wondering if you’re the problem here, worrying that you’re uptight or nagging. It’s clear to me you’re not x

My dh is like this too, does my head in. If l get a better offer though l take it.

I'd make plans with my friends to make a point actually. He's an insufferable bore. misogynistic too. he will only get it when it affects him. don't go to his dps. go out with friends. it's your Easter too.

Does he have any redeeming features @KungBooPanda ?

This basically. He has no respect for anyone does he? He sounds quite controlling actually. Does he do things like this at work?

Sorry op but he sounds awful- arrogant self serving and dismissive! He doesn’t respect you or your feelings., and makes you feel you’re in the wrong for “nagging”.

On the face of it, it’s a small thing (an argument over Easter weekend plans) so you’ll probably be told you’re over reacting or being annoying.

The trouble is, His attitude seeps into the whole relationship and causes massive resentment and erodes your self esteem. I’ve been there and got the T shirt- and it’s a horrible t- shirt!

Don’t lose yourself trying to appease him is my advice.