To find this very very annoying

Stand by your DS while he is still able to assert how he feels about this. Children who witness this kind of behaviour long enough will forget what it is to fight back.

Unfortunately, you have married a man who hasn't grown up - so you're essentially dealing with a child. A child in a man's body, which can be horrible. I'm so sorry that you've been so immersed in it that you're only now seeing him for what he is; that must be a shitty wake-up.

Keep posting, even if only to vent or use this thread as a diary.

The ducks are all the necessary documents such as birth and marriage certificates, and passports. Keep those in a safe place such as your parents house.

Then copies of all financial statements for both of you such as how much is left on mortgage, current and joint accounts/savings (P60s if you can), investments, bitcoin, pensions, anything valuable such as bikes and cars. Even if you don't know his pension statement you can find out who they are with and how many if he's changed jobs a few times. Then get on rightmove to see if you can find a similar house yours for approx value. Also go on the benefits checker and cms.

Then call around to find a one off solicitor consultation to find out your rights. Once you know how much you have to "play" with then you can start looking to see if you go down the rental or mortgage route, unless your parents are near and willing to put you up in the meantime.

Remember, just because you do the above doesn't mean it's final. You can take time to get a better job, or work more hours, or try counselling. But please come at it from a position of knowledge and power rather than fear

I've not read the whole thread but all of @KungBooPanda's updates.

I had the git of a husband nailed as controlling on page 1 I'm sorry to say.
You've had such excellent advice from compassionate posters. All the best, and keep you and children safe first.

It really was that bad, and even worse, he showed such lack of care and love for your son. He made your little boy miss out on something he was excited about because he isn't a good enough dad to put him first.

But you are a good enough mum to prioritise your child and do the horrible, hard thing that will make both your lives better. You really are.

“It wasn’t that bad”. Please keep reminding yourself it WAS that bad. Talk to those two friends you mentioned, they can help you make plans.

Your little boy just modelled good boundaries and excellent decisions. Which means it's not too late. He recognises something bad, and avoids it. He's not appeasing, walking on eggshells or lying to stop his dad right now.

You need to take a leaf from his book. Because if you stay, and forgive this, your little boy will slowly have to appease and lie and walk on eggshells.

And he was never sorry. He's just trying different ways to control you because his usual way stopped working (because MN supported you to change the rules). He's tried; keeping you guessing, being horrible in front of other people, being angry, being babyish, being horrible to your child, being sorry. None is working right now so be extremely careful. These men move to violence sometimes. The throwing the bonnet is entry-level violence (to an object is a first step).

Unmumsnetty hugs @KungBooPanda you're coping admirably 🌷

I really think you should call women’s aid OP, or a local domestic abuse charity. I don’t want to sound over the top, but you’re potentially in a dangerous situation. He’s tried his normal tactics, then he tried sorry, then he tried the weird baby voice. But you’ve seen through it and aren’t standing for it, each time he gets angrier and that’s the point at which a large number of men resort to violence.

Bless you OP. I hope you and the kids can get free of this irredeemable oaf soon 😔

He suggested the doctors, insinuating that there’s something wrong and you need help. I would respond by telling him that you want marriage counselling or you are out of there. If he refuses then I’d be off.

I hope your ok OP, this is obviously a difficult situation.

Your DH is a horrible bully. I hope you're okay, OP.

Is he not parenting tonight because he's pissed off at you and punishing you?

He seems very manipulative. I hope you can see this behavior clearly.

That is a very odd thing for him to say. Along with you and his parents walking on egg shells and not pushing for answers so as not to upset him. Hmmmm.

It seems that he has seen his father get away with behaving like this and your mother accepting it so he expects the same from you.

Therefore I wouldn't expect his parents to help him understand how his behaviour, particularly about being able to do what he likes when he likes.

I'm so sorry things have escalated in this way.

I suggest that he goes to his parents with or without the kids.

That will give you time and space to let things settle in your mind and for him to reflect also.

Also use this opportunity to tell him exactly how he's making you feel so that he is fully aware of the impact of his behaviour.

Have you got a rubber door stop to jam your bedroom door shut op? I can imagine he won't take you sleeping there well.

He's in a rage because you aren't going along with his new method of training you to be completely subservient to all his whims. His only intention is to make you afraid to question his plans in future, and to prevent you from making any plans of your own.

I'd have spent part of today looking at how finances would work if separated.

I'm sorry to read your updates.
He's let the mask slip and you've seen the real him. The one he usually hides behind his gaslighting of you.
The verbal abuse this morning, in front of the children, in public, is unexcuseable. He's also blamed you for antagonising him. So it's your fault that he verbally abused you, threw your poor child's Easter bonnet on the floor etc etc. He probably thinks you've 'turned the child against him' with the refusal to hug him.
I would be making a plan to leave. Very soon. Before his verbal abuse becomes physical beyond throwing a child's hat on the ground. Please contact women's aid for advice.