To not go to the hen do?

They are bullies.

Don't go to the hen do or the wedding. You'll be much happier and better off financially , and not have to spend time with these witches.

Also do any of them have kids? Often people with kids don't understand the lives of others that do and vice versa, so maybe this is part of the problem.

Just drop out, if they think it's OK to be this horrible now then imagine what they might be like on the weekend itself? Don't pay any more than you already have abd spend any money you've saved that you can afford to part with on a nice day out with your baby.

This friendship is over. Don't feel pressured to go to the hen or the wedding. Pointless when you won't see them afterwards. They can't force you.

My response would be “fuck this, I’m not coming to any of it” then leave the group, block them all, enjoy being free of the bunch of bitches

What an entitled prick this Hen sounds, she needs to be respectful of your situation.

I had a ‘good friend’ do this to me, started a Saturday ended up a weekend in London with tickets to a show £100+ and I was 6 months pregnant and a 2 year old at home. I declined in the end said my thanks then left the chat.

Best yet she also sent incorrect invitations and we attended the day and were not actually invited and the registrar asked us to leave. Safe to say not spoken to her since.

If someone was foolish enough to tell me what I was doing, as if they can control me, that would be enough for me to pull out even if I won the lottery the same day!

Is anyone on here dying to get an invitation to an unreasonable hen do so that they can say no?

All the hen dos I have been to have been either an evening meal + nightclub or an afternoon tea.

Agreed, everyone seems to feel obliged to spend money they don't have to appease demanding friends who feel their wedding should cost everyone a lot of money. From the outset costs should be discussed and everyone's budget considered.

Al this 'shower' crap and expensive hen/stag do's is something that seems particularly bonkers when money is so tight for many as it now is.

I agree. However, the invitees enable it. If everyone said "no way, I can't afford it" then these dos would be scaled back.

They sound horrid and grabby. There’s def no need to pay £25 each! If I was giving a lift of that distance I’d just ask for a coffee!

OP, they sound like really horrible people. Back out, politely if you like, and never bother with them again.

I think it's weird there isn't an entire group chat so none of you have any idea what everyone is paying, that it itself is suspicious.

Drop out now op.

Even if it was free I wouldn't go after all that.

Al this 'shower' crap and expensive hen/stag do's is something that seems particularly bonkers when money is so tight for many as it now is.

Say no now. Sad if it ends the friendship but this can happen.

Yeah, I'd be telling the lot of them to get fucked.

I'd back out of the lot. Bridezillas who load costs onto their friends and dictate to them about their travel arrangements are not worth bothering with.

Yes 100%, why the OP is even considering going is beyond me sounds like the ‘friendship’ has most definitely drifted

And FWIW, I spend £1k getting sucked into this hen party bollocks a coupe of years ago for a friend who was really awful to me. I was too scared to back out but in hindsight I should have done. These people don’t sound like they are worth or time, energy or money.

I don't think anything would be achieved by sending a rude message back. I would just cover the hotel cost because that will impact the others, and then just say that you won't be making the hen do and the wedding, then leave the group chat.

Super bitchy messages from them. Don’t go OP

there is nothing I hate more than a hen party group chat. It always becomes so toxic and ridiculous and it’s like reverting back to high school!

back out now and just make it clear that, whilst yes, you’ve had 9 months to save - you have had a baby and given up work.

It’s hardly surprising that the OP doesn’t like these people is it? They are all vile and spiteful. I don’t even know these people and I can’t stand them. Bullies make my blood boil.

I'm a bit on the fence with this one.

Absolutely reasonable to bow out on account of changing circumstances/priorities and not being able to afford it. They don't sound like very nice people and it doesn't sound like it'd be a very good time.

However, I also think if you're someone who is routinely late (and it sounds like you are and they don't trust that you will get there on time) they're probably a bit sick of you being late and/or worried that you won't be there on time. As much as you say that it won't spoil anything if you were late-that's not true, is it?

If they've planned a bottomless brunch for x time, (just an example) many of those come with a time slot and a limited time allocation so you being late would impact that. I think it's annoying when people act like their lateness has zero impact on anyone else.

OTOH, I absolutely understand your reticence to attend, especially if they just keep adding and adding extras on and then pressurising you to attend them all-despite your concerns. I hate it when things get agreed at the start-and then other people add things in that they can afford and don't consider if everyone else in the group can afford them, too.

I understand plans can and do change-but I think if those changes are going to increase the costs on everyone by a lot then that is a discussion that requires agreement. Or else understanding that some people may need to bow out of the whole thing or only attend the parts they can afford.

Just adding stuff and then demanding attendance is ridiculous. I think you should have been more direct from the start-probably making it clear that you have X budget and that is it-and anything over that you can't do and don't allow them to railroad you into things.

At this point, I think your only option is to be honest and back out. It'll be awkward and tense if you don't especially after those nasty messages. Be polite, and just cite a change of circumstances but you wish them all a good time.

It may end your friendship-but do you really want friends like that?