To not go to the hen do?

Sounds like you've just been invited to make up the numbers so everyone pays less. I was in the same boat last year. Needless to say, I left the group, didn't go, and ditched the 'friends'.

They’re not getting a taxi. A friend is driving and it’s not going to cost her £100 in petrol for a 90 minute round trip.

They sound awful and railroady, I wouldn’t be going. Don’t apologise for not going.

Don't go but be prepared for the argument that you owe money, as some bookings will have been made.

I'm wondering if you are the only one in this group with a baby? Priorities and finances change. If you are happy to cut the bride free, then don't go. With a young baby I think it would have been acceptable to go for tgr evening, and get picked up. Let us know how it goes op.

They sound like a bunch of nasty bitchy fuckers and you don't need that in your life. Run and don't look back, find some mummy friends that aren't toxic

Fuck that, just don't go. I would send a simple message to the group chat along the lines of "unfortunately I'm no longer able to attend, but I hope you all enjoy it" Then remove myself from the group chat and find better people to be around. Sounds like a pack of bitches

I wouldn't go, things shouldn't be that stressful and they just seem rude. Have you been invited to make up numbers?

I've pulled out of a baby shower as I can't afford to buy a present and I can't turn up without anything as everyone else was going overboard and spending a fortune.

They sound hideous and really nasty. If they're sending shitty messages in a group chat I would imagine it would be so much worse in person. I wouldn't spend a weekend with them no way. Def back out.

Even the “you wish!” is just wtf. Who the hell are these people.

What an awful sounding bunch. Priorities change when you become a parent & if they can’t understand that, they’re not really friends. Can you just say sorry, my situation has changed & I can’t afford all of this now and I won’t be able to come. Then leave the group & call the bride separately. I know it’s their special day but they still need to be reasonable.

Not unreasonable to say you are no longer attending. No need for apologies. The event, cost and your situation have all changed since you initially agreed.
The messages, the car and petrol stuff, the cheesecake thing all just confirm that you don't need to invest your time with them anymore imo.
I'd message saying you will no longer be attending.
Enjoy the time with the people who treat you with respect and care about you. Have a lovely christening.

Don't go to either. You don't need friends like that. Go away for a cheap short break with husband and child.

And enjoy the christening! 🌹

Don't apologise, they sound horrible.

Her entitlement and contempt for you is dripping off her 'haha you wish' message.

Some people don't grow out of the nasty school aged sniping and pack mentality.

They've shown you what kind of people they are. Nasty bullies.

Fuck 'em!

Onwards, upwards and have a bloody big slice of a nice cheesecake to celebrate them being out of your life

Please don't apologise to these bitches, you've done nothing wrong and been bullied.

I'd just leave the chat without a word, message the bride separately to explain, and then back off from these people entirely.

It's all far too highschool.

Def don't apologise!

Curious to know how much effort the starters & mains were!

Presumably that's the sort of thing that you take turns at so everyone makes more or less effort at different times!

I'm another one that agrees not to apologise in the message... As for the cheesecake, their reaction was downright rude. I'm surprised after that, that you got to the point of the hen do! That would have been enough for me right there! How ungrateful. No, you don't need to apologise at all, you've done nothing wrong 🌹

Delete yourself from the group and message the bride separately. Explain to her that as things have changed you can't afford it. I'd be tempted to also say that you feel members of the group appear to be ganging up on you and making you feel uncomfortable! That may make her think!

What? Making you stay with a Cousin and those 3 in the hotel? Apart from anything else, or all the other things you mentioned, this is particularly horrible. just back out please. tell her you're very sorry but you can no longer go.

Don't put the word sorry when your decline. I would explain exactly why you're not going to be bride. She can have a hissy fit if she wants. I wouldn't go to the hen or the wedding the way you are being treated.

I would assume they aren't coming. They sound horrible.

Just send a brief message to say you won't be joining them. Don't justify or explain your reasons, then leave the hen group chat.

I hope you have lovely weather for the christening.

Defo doing the right thing by saying you're not going. I agree, don't apologise for it.

You are absolutely doing the right thing by not going and backing off. These people are toxic. You don't expect that sort of bullying from adults. Hope the christening goes well.

I’d defo not go to the Hen do , I’d just say sorry cant afford it , will have to pull out , have a lovely time then immediately leave the WA group. I’d contact the bride and explain .. I wouldnt neccesarily not go to the wedding cos it’s not the bride organising the hen do.