To not go to the hen do?

These women are nasty bullies and have chosen you as their target. Stand up to them , tell them that you’ve had chance to think and due to the additional expense you’ll not be coming to the hen do or the wedding . Then forget them & have no further interaction . X

If you are always late I can completely understand them wanting you to get into the car. However the way they wrote it and the amount of money they was is not acceptable.

How much was the original hen do going to cost you and how much would it now cost with all the added extras?

Don't go, having the stress of it hanging over you, for a hen and bossy 'friend', who's looking for the glory of organising the hen.

You don't have to explain yourself to them, don't tell them anything about yourself, your money or your family.
Text the bride, short and sweet.
Unfortunately I won't be available to attend the Hen, due to unforeseen circumstances.
Hope you have a good time.

Text the group, Unfortunately I won't be available to attend the hen. Have a good time.

Leave the group.
Block them on Social media.

If you get a wedding invite after this, reply you won't attend.
End off.

Promise you, you'll feel like a weights been lifted.
Your priorities have changed, your child and family comes first.
Good luck

My thoughts exactly!

Op make new friends.

They sound like a toxic bunch of bitches. I’m organising my sisters hen right now, and going on a friend’s foreign hen in June, but at no point has anyone been pressured into attending any of these. In fact, only about 50% of our close friend group are attending the foreign hen due to financial constraints. We all completely understand, it’s not easy. Your friends sound awful, and it certainly wasn’t a classy move by the bride to add her two cents to the group chat. The driver trying to make a profit off you all (and a decent profit too unless she driving a vintage motor), should be embarrassed - it’s trashy! Stand up for yourself and tell them to feck off.

Also YANBU at all but anyone who has made a comment is. I’d be holy tempted to send them a link to this conversation and air them out.

What a bunch of arseholes these people are. Over the years I've not been to 3 abroad hen dos because at the time I just couldn't afford them, and didn't want to get into debt. All of these people are still my friends because they understood. I think sometimes these things turn into a way for one friend to profit from everyone else... personally I wouldn't go. Your priorities have changed and if they're proper friends, they'll understand.

After reading your posts OP it is clear that they don’t value you as a friend; you are there to lessen the financial burden on them by contributing financially. They sound very unkind and unfortunately it sounds like the friendship has become toxic. Not only are they forcing you to hand over money for a car ride that you don’t want or need, but they have put you in a separate bedroom to other 3 too. They don’t want you there so don’t go and contribute money. Focus on your baby and distance yourself from them. You will find better friends in time as you meet other parents at baby groups, school etc. No one needs the stress of having toxic friends.

I had a similar situation recently with my friends hen party. We were all asked a budget of which I said a max of £300 and then they proceeded to suggest things that were upwards of £400.

people who don’t have a certain autonomy on life don’t understand what budgeting is. It wasn’t necessarily the fact that I could afford more than £300 that bugged me, all in all, but the fact that I’d allotted that amount of money plus spending money and didn’t want to spend more on something that for what is just going to be a piss up abroad, and not much more.

(in the end I had a cry to my DH and he said he’d pay the extra as a present. But I almost said I wasn’t going, even after that offer.)

have a serious think about it and go with your gut. If these people are calling you out like that, are they really true friends?

In that cause message and say 'due to the rising costs and my opinions not being taken into consideration I will not be attending the Hen Do'
Then mute The group for a couple of hours, read the responses then delete the group. Message the hen and say 'I was prepared to come initially but as things have escalated beyond my means I have to decline the invitation to the hen do and wedding as my family comes 1st'
The hotel cost may increase slightly for those attending but will be minimal really as it's between 20 of them and now not your problrm.

What's the theme of this bloody thing, Mean Girls?

They can fuck all the way off.

Unfortunately, your friend sounds like a doormat and the others sound like they’ve finally grown up and moved on. (Week long hen do, FFS!?)

No-one should feel obliged to spend their time and money on activities that don’t interest them. I don’t drink alcohol so I’ve only gone on one hen do as it was a meal followed by a trip to the theatre. If the hen do was a glorified pub crawl, I’d definitely decline.

I pulled out of my friends hen do cos I couldn't afford it and my friend totally understood she knows I'm gonna have a blast at her wedding. She also just messaged me this week saying hey I don't think I'll make it down for your 40th due to finances etc i also completely understand. If your friends don't understand and they are nasty about it they really are not your friends! My goodness it's life, things happen,situations change.

I'd agree with everyone about not attending the hen do but seeing the bride is a good friend and has probably paid a deposit for your place at the wedding reception, you might still want to go to the wedding (or at the very least send an appropriate gift). As for leaving the Hen Do, even though the event content / cost has been substantially altered, you still owe the bride an explanation regarding your decision as you have accepted the invite initially. Be polite and to the point (simply say you can't afford it which is the truth) but no need to apologise as you have done nothing wrong. If the bride does not accept your reason and decided to un invite you to the wedding, then it's on her, she's not being a friend then.

This

These bloody group chats, facebook etc thank the lord that none in my immediate family do that crap.

OP, do what you want and if you are finding it difficult, just tell them how you feel and I bet you they wont bother you again, ever.

you are a sensible person considering money, family first.

These people sound horrible. I hope you’ve told them you’re backing out and no, you don’t need to pay for the hotel!

You don’t need to apologise or offer any further explanation. Keep it lighthearted and wait for their reactions.

”@ hen I know I’ve mentioned to the group that I’m a bit worried about some of the arrangements and it turns out I’m not going to be able to make it after all. You’ll all be having so much fun you won’t even miss me”.

Then sit back and watch for fireworks or apologies. Their reaction will tell you everything you need to know.

Great idea OP. Just state you’re not going because you can’t afford it and wish them
a good time. Leave the group and they’ll get over it.

They sound really mean though so I would question if they really bring anything positive to your life or if now is the time to drop them entirely.

Screw them. They are so wrapped up in booking and planning things that suit them and their budgets that you’ve become a passenger to it all rather than an included member. Shoving you in a room with someone’s cousin, dictating how you get there even if it doesn’t suit you and setting high petrol cost prices without discussion isn’t how you treat friends. Just don’t go. You’ll feel better. They aren’t nice people.

What a bunch of bullying fuckers.
I'm thinking that even you did go OP..they wouldn't be your sort of people. Tell them to fuck off to the fat side of fuckery..and then fuck off some more....barmy bitches

You poor thing Op! These females are just awful. Break free!

And don't forget - if they say they want payment for things that have been booked already, your response should be 'you wish!'

I would not apologise, OP. I would text 'I will no longer be coming on the hen do, nor attending the wedding. I cannot afford it and am unhappy at the way you have spoken to me when I've tried to raise this. I don't think there is any more to be said'.

Then leave the group. And block the bride. She's a bitch.

Surprised at all the comments advising you to apologise, explain to the bride, etc.... Don't!
Just tell them where to go and leave immediately so they can't have the last word sayanymore nasty shit , or
JUST LEAVE the group, not a bloody word. Block them all and never see them again. And use your saved money to treat yourself and your lovely family to something nice 💐