People ignoring deceased requests etc - funeral

Also, how did all the ‘tacky’ flowers get into the hearse? This would have been controlled by the funeral directors .Are you quite sure of your facts here?

I was wondering this. Usually whoever arranges the funeral sorts out whether it's family flowers only/donations in lieu etc and the funeral directors will act accordingly. If you specified no flowers in the hearse, there shouldn't have been any.

Direct cremation. Me too. Sorting out Will and probate quite enough hassle for DSs

That should say loved ones.

Funerals are for the living to come to terms with losing their lived ones. Whatever helps them surely?

I want all the flowers, the more the better. They add a bit of cheer to a miserable occasion.

@AuntieMarys "All for show".

Do you think there is any understandable element involved regarding providing comfort to those left behind?

Obviously not when it goes against the directly expressed wishes of the deceased, though.

One of the many reasons I'm having a direct cremation. What a waste of money flowers etc are. All for show.

I completely respect everybody's right to have their personal wishes carried out after their own death. Those left behind ought to respect their wishes, I think.

I had two relatives (married couple) who each insisted on not having a funeral when their time came. It did feel very odd and somehow unfinished, not to hold the familiar funeral rituals to celebrate their lives and say goodbye.

As I said though, it was totally their right to request no service and our family did as asked.

A recent family bereavement the undertaker acted on the decisions of the next of kin only.

The deceased was our son, the next of kin, his wife.

Some arrangements were changed by his wife, something the undertaker advised was her right, despite it not being our wishes. ( accepted by us as her right too).

@Auburngal Did the next of kin agree for the extra flowers to be in the hearse - have the undertaker acted correctly?

You'd think. Mum asked for exactly the same, and we got complaints about there not being a funeral. You can't win.

(we did exactly as she asked though).

I think a funeral is also for those who are left. I went to one that said absolutely no black to be worn and all colourful clothing. Older people saw this as disrespectful and went in black. The funeral directors were in black. I suppose it's disappointing for the family that instructions weren't followed but if people feel they want to send flowers then that is down to them and I wouldn't dwell on it.

Seems odd that the cousin’s daughter’s friends would want to attend the funeral of an old lady they’d never met. It’s not exactly a fun day out, is it?

Also, how did all the ‘tacky’ flowers get into the hearse? This would have been controlled by the funeral directors.

Are you quite sure of your facts here?

See this is why my mum has asked for straight to cremation, it will cut all this shite out.

Categorically NO funeral, no people, no coffin, no flowers, no people who other people disapprove of, no “family” get together pretending to get along and like each other. Non of it and I think that’s a bloody great plan.

People/families are a bastard nightmare.

I don't agree that "flowers are just flowers". If a person specified no flowers at their funeral, the people who ought to have known that really ought to have respected that. Following somebody's requests about their funeral is one of the last things we can do for them, so I can see why her son was unhappy about it.

It's shit and very disrespectful OP. I am sorry for your loss and sorry that this happened at her funeral.

I’m sorry for your loss, OP.

I can understand why you might feel upset when you’re grieving, but flowers are just flowers. Try not to let this cloud your Grandmother's send off. People express their grief in their own ways. They might not have understood it was a ‘no flowers’ funeral, and the flowers although tacky to you might have seemed fitting to them.

As for the other relatives coming, I don’t think you can stop people attending a funeral. Maybe it’s a cultural thing, I don’t know? I’m Irish and funerals are public affairs, anyone can (and usually does) turn up to pay their respects, not just close family. I thought Brits were the same?

Sorry for your loss.

Who arranged for the flowers?