To refuse to go on any holidays this year ?

Holidays are expensive and a huge energy drain. If you don't enjoy them, don't do them.

We haven't been abroad since pre covid. We're only going abroad this year because Scotland have qualified for the Euros 😁🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

DS is a homebody, so am I to be honest so holidays just feel a bit pointless.

We had a lovely holiday at home one year, behaved as tourists in our own town. Had day trips to local spots, ate out for lunch and dinner every day, went to the cinema. I can highly recommend!

I get you OP. I am the same. I am 58, and have actually always disliked holidays, even as a child. We used to do two days of driving to get to Italy, and stay for a month. Great when you get there, but it takes a week to wind down, a good week, or two, then another week of building stress as you know you have to drive back.

I never sleep or eat very well, I used to have serious panic attacks.

I am better now, and just about get through it but it is a chore for me, and the best bit about holidays is coming home.

We have generally only gone away once every two years for our married life, and that suits me fine. We go big and expensive, but then have a blissful year at home. My DC's are now older, so have extra holidays themselves.

I don't count family visits as holidays, but I never like the travel either, and generally don't sleep the night before, or during the stay. I am better at eating now though!

Can you make a compromise like this?

You do a family visit, but take a day or two off for yourself and relax in your nice garden, visit a museum or something that interests you, have lunch somewhere nice?

I used to get two extra bank holidays because I worked in a different county (overseas) so I'd get up at normal work time and go to the local public spa for the day by myself. I loved it. 😂

We had a year Off holidays and it was lovely. We did some big days out, some simple days in and I totally relaxed it so nice!

Asking the relatives to come to your air b n b sounds perfect. You've done the trip for the last 14 years?? Have they ever been to you?

Additionally could the grandparents invite the 14 and 12 year old to stay with them? They could travel by train so less chance of car sickness, or dh could take them one weekend and either he or you all could collect them a week later, give them an adventure and you a break . . .

I couldn’t imagine anything worse than being stuck at home for the duration of the summer holidays, particularly if we have another bad summer.

Completely up to you if you don’t want to go away but I’d give DH the option of taking the 2 older kids somewhere if it were me.

Holidays are not 'essential'.
They are a modern construct of the last 100 years.

And charming to say the OPs holidays are shit - although I presume you're trying to be sympathetic?

Yanbu at all op.

It’s not a holiday for you and since you seem to spend your life facilitating other people’s enjoyment you deserve to do what you choose for once. Agree with pp’s that it might be nice to do some 1-1 stuff with the older two but that means dh stepping up. If he’s that keen for the kids to do something then it’s his only option. Have your nice relaxing summer at home and enjoy it.

What about a compromise. No no no to visiting relatives, that is not a holiday. Maybe one short holiday to somewhere like Centre Parcs. Saves all the faff involved in going abroad. Just some casual clothes travel light. Lots of activities to keep the children happy, and for you plenty of relaxing spa treatments so you can chill out.
I realise there is still the drive to get there, but a lot less hassle than organising and travelling abroad

Oh and Dramamine worked like magic for DD’s travel puking.

I agree the DH family could come to you (visiting family is not a holiday IMO - unless they have a huge villa somewhere beautiful) but there’s no reason to deprive the whole family of their trip abroad. Would your older DC really be happy playing in your big garden and getting a paddling pool? I’d be concerned they would feel resentful towards youngest DC.

It really depends on whether it’s just you who doesn’t want to go away or the DC all agree too.

Also, older kids can sort their own packing and organising!

It time they came to you then.

It’s a bit sad that none of you get to see DH’s family. My DC would hate to have no holidays so I’d do it for them at least. I get bored staying at home for the whole of a school holiday though, so I’m glad to get away.

YANBU as long as if he wants to take the dc you let him do so.

You are 100% within your rights and not being unreasonable at all. Sounds like you need a bit of TLC and relaxing time and you should absolutely prioritise that. Completely agree that they could come to you for a change

I’m just a bit older than you and started having holiday anxiety about the same time, although I always enjoy it when I am there. You sound very tired to me and maybe your DH needs to be educated about perimenopause and the way it can make us feel. I have stopped going on the 9 hr trips to my PIL this year as I hate the journey but my DH can manage our DDs. I’m sorry it’s not as easy for you but I understand.

DH can take whichever DC with him to PIL. I'm amazed you've lasted this long tbh

I TOTALLY understand OP. It's so relaxing just staying put and having easygoing days. Definitely stick to your guns on this!

I think that it's probably your perimenopause upping your anxiety. I think that you should discuss this with your DH just as you would any health issues. Splitting the children and him going away is the way to go this year.

Half the responses show they are not even reading the OP properly.

YANBU to say you need a year off. I totally understand why holidays are more trouble than they are worth for you with travel sick kids and a high needs 6yo.

I do think it would be a shame for the older 2 to lose out though, assuming they actually enjoy the trips that is!

Let your husband take them away, leave the youngest at home with you if easier.
I think holidays are often overrated. I remember feeling frazzled when mine were younger, everywhere was so busy, so crowded and expensive.
I don't miss going away, l love being at home more. When I'm away I'm ready to come home after a few days. My kids are grown up now and do their own things, I'm on my own now so can happily please myself, at home.

I'm with you op, I like DHs family and often have nice times but the PRESSURE holidays put on me is immense and he doesn't get much of it at all! Because I do it all!
If I have one more Christmas of watching DH get drunk with his siblings while I hold a baby I may smash something...

Tell them you're having a holiday at home, and all the usual things you do when you’re away, you’re doing from home. - zoos, museums , meals etc.