To dislike men who seek out foreign brides

Well as someone who used to live in a middle eastern country where I saw many marriages between Asian women and white western men, I of course cannot speak for all of them because I don't know their individual circumstances. But I can say for sure that I saw plenty of marriages of two equals and marriages borne out of love, the same as any other. The fact that the woman in these marriages was often far better off financially as a result of having married a Canadian, and Aussie, a Brit or a German rather than a Filipino or a Thai or a Kazakh man, is not necessarily evidence that either one of them is being exploitative, or that it's nothing more than a cynical financial transaction in exchange for uncomplaining sex and housekeeping services.

I find it quite patronising and a bit 'white savioury' for white women to assume this.

Right, but these men are not from those cultures are they? And, obviously not all arranged marriages are respectful. Not even all love marriages are respectful.

Well I don't know. Why don't you ask all the people who are in arranged marriages, which are perfectly normal in their culture.

You speak for all of 'Asia'?

For Turkish women?

Chinese women?

Sri Lankan women?

Asia is a pretty big place.

And obviously, if a woman thinks marrying a middle aged bloke who can't attract a woman in his own society is a favourable deal, that's up to her.

You seem to know an awful lot of people in 'these marriages'.

I think western women are perfectly placed to judge western men actually. It's not projection, these are "our" men, from "our" culture. You say marriage is different in Asia, but these men are not Asian. I don't think a single person has offered a negative judgment of Asian women who make these choices, it is our men we are holding to our (hard won) standards.

Sorry I meant some men in these marriages have been ripped off and treated badly .

"Most you know"? How well do you know them?

And I'm sure these 'relationships' can work out reasonably well, but it's simply not true that the woman 'has the upper hand'. She is dependent on her husband for everything, but the reverse is not true. Even the way in which you talk about how the women are 'treated' is acknowledging this fact.

I’m of Asian origin and a lot of you are projecting a westernised view on what marriage actually is i.e. primarily a love connection whereas very often in Asia, the primary purpose of marriage is actually a business transaction. You don’t have to agree with these marriages but that doesn’t necessarily make them wrong either just because it doesn’t conform to westernised ideals.

Just to be clear, some women in these countries actually think it’s western woman who are being taken advantage of by marrying for love when the man has little else to offer.

@IcedPurple

After so long living in the UK and gaining Citizenship these women have rights . They can pull away and make a life of their own or even return home and make a new life . Most I know are not cowed prisoners and know how this country works. Now I'm not saying all women are treated well , but most I know and work with are happy and contented. Some members have been ripped off and treated badly . Human nature is the same the world over .

Can you stop using word "docile" please. We are talking about grown women, not dogs waiting for adoption.
What happens if the man's generosity runs out? Who has the upper hand then?

Why is it always the man taking advantage in these situations? Don't you think some of these women do too ? Wait until they are established and then bugger off ? I've seen that happen too .

That can happen in any marriage.

Most men marry foreign brides because they are lonely . Don't you think that makes them vulnerable too ?

Why are they lonely? Are there no women where they live?

Their husbands give them anything they ask for and are generous when it comes to sending money back home .

But what if their husbands are not generous? You're making my point for me. The women are completely dependent on the good will of their husbands. The same is not true in reverse.

Any spouse could get half their husband's or wife's assets in the event of divorce.

That doesn't give them 'the upper hand'.

And I'd venture a guess that the type of man who has to take a long distance flight in order to find a woman prepared to marry him is not likely to be in the highest tax bracket.

Why is it always the man taking advantage in these situations? Don't you think some of these women do too ? Wait until they are established and then bugger off ? I've seen that happen too . Most men marry foreign brides because they are lonely . Don't you think that makes them vulnerable too ? From what I've seen of these marriages they seem to work well. I can only go by what the girls I work with tell me . They are far from docile , they have learnt to drive, learnt to read and write in English and have a very nice lifestyle . Their husbands give them anything they ask for and are generous when it comes to sending money back home .

Upper hand? How? The man has control of their body, often their fertility, their finances, their entire families finances, immigration status etc. Not to mention all the usual patriarchy stuff that any woman has to navigate. Only a fool or a man (or a foolish man) would think the women have the upper hand in these scenarios.

I'm sure they are not docile. But that wasn't my point. The post I was replying to said that men who travel all the way to Asia in search of a much younger and poorer woman are 'kind and decent' and not at all misogynistic and entitled. However, these 'agencies' often specifically boast of how 'docile' and untainted by feminism these women are. That does not suggest the men in question are kind or decent.

And I don't agree that the women have the upper hand. They will be in a foreign country where they have no friends or family, they don't know how things work and maybe don't speak the language. They will be dependent on their husband for everything. The men have no such dependence upon the women. While these relationships may 'work' in some cases, we are not dealing with a partnership of equals.

That doesn't answer my question. And as I said before, the two things are not equal.

@IcedPurple

Believe me a lot of these women are far from docile . They know exactly what they are doing and why. Most of the women I know in these marriages are treated like queens by their husbands. The women have the upper hand in most cases .

@Ahugga

Can you respectfully be with a man because of the size of his wallet? These things go both ways and I would say these women have the upper hand as they could take the guy for half his assets.

I think many of these woman are genuinely happy to be married to a kind, decent man who doesn't have the deeply ingrained entitlement and misogyny that men in their own country might.

Are you sure?

A lot of these 'marriage agencies' specifically advertise the 'docility' of the women.

And if these men are so 'kind and decent' why do they have to travel to the other side of the world to find a woman prepared to marry them?

Believing you can essentially buy a women seems almost the definition of * *"deeply ingrained entitlement and misogyny" to me.

Can you respectfully purchase a woman's body? Is that possible?

If both parties realise they are not in love but they are both convenient for each other and treat each other with dignity and respect then I don't see a problem .

The two are not equivalent. The man is "buying", the woman is "selling" (or sometimes the other way around).