to tell her that her child is unkind?

Are there any nice kids that ds likes that you could nurture a friendship with by inviting them round to play? Are all the boys playing together at lunchtime so only he is excluded? If so I would talk to the teacher, if not I would encourage him to avoid this boy and play with someone else.

I wouldn't approach the mother, she's obviously delusional and it will only end badly.

If you have the resources, desire, capacity and ability to ensure adequate socialising opportunities for DS, go ahead with the home educating. He'll be a lot happier.

I agree. I'd just tell your son to stay away.

When I was teaching I had a 14 year old boy confront me with "I said are you stupid or something?". I gave him a detention and his mum came in to complain because apparently in their family "they encourage debste".

Does he have a separate SEN teacher or I would speak to governors or other parents maybe who's child has been treated badly by this boy or call him out in front of his mum ask him why he keeps doing this to your son see what he says

Your DS sounds so lovely. He shouldn't have to alter his responses or behaviour to try to accommodate this nasty child. Please tell the school you are seriously considering leaving unless they address this for what it is-which is bullying.
I wouldn't bother with the mother, she's clearly deluded.

The mum sounds a bell end. When people talk to their child on Facebook as if their child is reading it, I feel sick. I think it's extremely healthy to disengage from many people on FB. I have zero friends on it so I can just use it for what I like and don't have to see all this nonsense. Mute her if possible so you don't have to feel aggravated.

Go back to the school and gently ask for so e more support for your son with social issues. I would use the SEN support agenda here. You can explain that you are guiding as much as possible but in school, as an Autistic person, he needs additional support here. Don't speak too ill of the other kid as you'll look like one of those mums. You can do it delicately.

He will learn in time through experience. It will just take longer for him to do so. Its possible this is hurting you an awful lot more than it is your son. I found that often to be the reality with my own Autistic son.

Agreed. All the other parents will be thinking the same thing as you. There is a “friend” in our friendship group who is this mum… her DC is a complete brat because she never ever tells her off. As a result they never get invited over for play dates or to birthday parties. Which is a real shame because the mum tries to make such an effort but can’t see what she is doing wrong. It does the child a massive disservice in the long run.

There was a kid like this at DD's primary school (isn't there always one!) Mean, unkind, made other children cry, was manipulative at play. I spent time with DD working on ways to deal with it. I didn't intend to speak to the Mum but got caught in a conversation where honesty prevailed! So I did say DD is unlikely to come to your kids birthday because they don't get on. Huge surprise to Mum, apparently also a surprise to the child who came into school the next day asking DD why they weren't friends. DD also took the lid off several years of simmering resentment and told her. That led to a very explosive few weeks at school!
On the plus side DD was hugely empowered by saying no, that's enough but other friends/Mums were in an awkward position and I did lose a bit of respect for a few people.
OP I think you can't fix this but you can limit your exposure - hide her on Facebook for a start and continue supporting your son the best way you can. School can be a brutal environment for a sensitive child. I found role play was helpful for my DD - unfortunately dealing with unpleasant people is a life skill we all have to learn.

Go back to the school and be more insistent that they deal with this. If (as you say) this boy is being unkind to lots of children, then the school should be aware of it, and take steps to stop him dominating play and deciding who may participate.

My son also needs to be better at dealing with a problem friend too - he just hasn't encountered it much and having no siblings he needs to learn to push back or tell him to piss off or drop him and play with someone else. At the end of the day these are essential life skills and I have told him it's fine to practise them on his problem friend, and he won't be in trouble with me.

I agree with the advice to involve the school. They will be able to be objective and they also see the children’s behaviour day to day so may have a better picture. It could be that other parents have also raised concerns about the child, in which case you doing so as well will reinforce the issue. How effective the school is at this sort of thing will vary but I think it should be the first port of call.

Talking to the parent doesn’t always end badly as some have said, but it rarely does anything useful. I’ve done it a couple of times and it was just pointless as the child just denied everything. And of course his mum would believe him (as any mother would).

I also agree with helping your DS widen his circle of friends. That will help until
secondary school (where their social circle will almost go the other way, and be quite daunting - ultimately great for social skills though!)

Given that she clearly already knows, I don’t think there’s much point talking to her.

My DS(7) has a friend who can be unkind to him and others. The friend is actually a very sweet kid going through a tough time. We talk a lot about positive friendships, what friendships should look like, how to walk away, etc. If your son isn’t the only one being treated this way then can he team up with some of the others to ensure they have each other’s backs? This is what we have been trying to get DS to do with a couple of others - so they can be each other’s safe spaces as it were.

Also, go back to school. Tell them you want a TA to keep a specific eye on this boy and your DS at break times and step in if exclusion is happening.

As someone who was bullied a lot in school, I have every sympathy with you and your ds, @Ludobik - it is a horrible situation.

I wish my mum had armed me with some things to say to the bullies, instead of just telling me to ignore them (because sticks and stones might hurt my bones etc etc - utter nonsense). Would your boy have the confidence to say "You are being a bully", or "Stop being a bully!" - short sentences that are easy to remember - so he feels he has a ready comeback?

What have you done to help him with resilience? He will unfortunately meet these types all his life. It is up to us as parents to help our children to cope with them without it affecting their self-esteem/ confidence.

It is tough. Very tough. But the sooner you begin, the better. I speak as an old parent with many children - I wish I had known this when my children were young.

I would message the parent. How can anyone correct the behaviour if mum doesn't know.

You don't need to go in all guns blazing just a quick text to say dc has come back from school upset again because child keeps telling him he can't play. Can she have a word and leave it at that.

Unfollow on FB and don't waste your breath.

Little Johnny farts Chanel No5 - there is a reason he is the way he is.

Encourage your child to play with other, nicer children.

Concentrate on building your own child’s self esteem. Encourage him to choose his own boundaries and teach him how to say no to this child. Try play dates with other children to increase confidence and create other friendships

Good advice from @TimetoPour

And rest assured, you won't be the only person who rolls their eyes / sniggers when they see Mum's FB posts. Just ignore them

Telling her might briefly make you feel better but it’s unlikely to help your child.
It’s more likely to make it worse.
She does not want to hear what you’ve got to say.
What is schools take on this.
If it’s happening at school then it’s for them to be speaking to her and helping Ds deal with this. You need to go through them.

I kmow so many parents who will never believe their child does any wrong so it might be a waste of time op.

Telling a parent that their kid is an arsehole will never go down well.

Go to the school and deal with the behaviour through them.

Take her off your social media as well, it's pissing you off having her on there.

If she's as you describe, she's never, ever going to believe that her child is a little shit. It would be totally pointless to point this out to her, even in a diplomatic way.
I'd take this opportunity to teach your son about kindness and about how to treat others - ie absolutely NOT like his little 'friend'. Encourage him to ignore bully boy and not engage with him.

What do you think it will achieve?

You need to speak to the school if a child is upsetting yours during school. Speak to the parents directly about any incidents that happen outside of the school but I would be very specific because just telling a parent that you think their child is unkind is unlikely to end in a positive outcome.

I can see why you would want to say something but I wouldn’t bother because it won’t do anything and so I would go via the school instead.

As for considering home ed as an option, I would definitely consider it. As a veteran of the home ed world, I’ve met many children similar to your son and seen them thrive in all areas (including socially).