To have bought this child school shoes?

Sorry i’m not really understanding your point or point of view. There’s a big difference between shoes looking old/worn/scruffy and actually being broken to the point that a 5/6 year old has wet feet.

There’ll be plenty of children who have worn through their shoes in Sophie’s class right now. No doubt, they’ll all turn up in brand new shoes after the Easter break - including Sophie.

One mums “Your shoes are old and worn. I’d better rush out and buy you new shoes now!”, are another mums “Your shoes are looking worn and scruffy. They’ll do to see you through this last week of term. We’ll get some new ones ready to go back after Easter break”.

Do you wait for both soles to give in before purchasing new shoes?

I would be past giving a shit what the parents ‘want’. My focus would be this kid’s feet.

By explain to the school, i mean send sophie to school in any other shoes or trainers she owns that aren’t broken, and explain to the school that she is going in non-school shoes just now as her school shoes are broken and they are planning to replace them as soon as they get a chance.

I mean they are throwing birthday parties... hardly breadline poor.

And yet their child's shoes had collapsed to the point her socks were wet.

I’m not sure i believe that the soles of both shoes split that day. It’s possible, but i’d say more likely they were broken beforehand. No need to be psychic.

I wouldn’t care, you would’ve saved me some money!

The reasons I gifited the shoe is because

• I know how much they are struggling with CoL, they are very open about it. They are living in a mouldy 1 bedroom flat and fighting against the LL who is talking about eviction
• I’m in a better position financially and the cost of the shoes will not affect me in any way

wow... how stuck up and judgemental are you. You have decided they are a pathetic charity case and you are so much better to bestow upon them.

Disputing with a landlord does not on any planet correlate to not being able to afford to dress your children. My kids have worn through school shoes in under a week before when we tried a new brand, lesson was learned that those shoes sucked but it wasn't that we where too poor to buy shoes.

I however would not buy the ridiculously overpriced Clarks school shoes. Asda are cheaper and better wearing (and we don't need 'brand name' to feel better than others). I would hazard a very strong guess they have picked up the vibe you are laying down about how they are 'poor and live in a grotty flat and cant afford to look after their kids but you are so financially better off'.

I mean they are throwing birthday parties... hardly breadline poor.

People rant to friends it doesn't mean they are charity cases, sounds like they thought you where a trustworthy friend they could vent to and you see them as a project to elevate your ego and status.

That “Either/Or fallacy” trope is getting quite old and tired and I dont believe it for a second. It is spouted off too regularly.

Either/or fallacy: This is the incorrect assumption that a certain can have only two possible conclusions, even though there are multiple possible conclusions. It’s a logical fallacy because it falsely narrows down the discussion to two options.

That 'one can do both' trope is getting old and tired and I don't believe it for a second. It's spouted off so regularly.

Not enough 'thanks!' and 'gratitude' and public validation...

I think providing your child with good shoes is a basic need and you humiliated her.
If that was the condition of her shoes, there's no way that the parents didn't know and already feel terrible about it.
The fact that you didn't ask them or even mention it first and straight away did it, told them how shit parents they are because you bought one immediately.
And then to top it off, you passed it as a birthday present. You don't give basic need items as a birthday gift. Imagine Sophie going around telling everyone her friend bought her school shoes for her birthday, humiliating them even more.
You did a really odd and weird thing by immediately running off and buying those shoes. If you are as good friends with them, why didn't you even say anything and then go buy it?
If I was that mum I would actually back away from you because I would wonder what else I'm a shit parent about according to you.

i honestly don’t get the problem with helping a kid here if there parents aren’t doing it. The issue here is that we really don’t know why she was having to wear broken shoes.

Because the shoes split at the sole WHILE SHE WAS AT SCHOOL.. the parents aren't psychic! The next responsible adult that saw Sophie should have told her parents that her shoes had come apart (probably due to the wet weather), not just gone out and paid for a new pair for her without finding out if it was needed or not.

For instance, the parents may have already paid £20 for a new pair of shoes that were waiting to give her when her shoes were finally knackered, and now her friend has gone and intervened with her with £50 shoes, rendering their £20 shoes useless and that could have been £20 that they desperately needed for something else?

No one knows, because OP didn't bother to ask like a normal person would have, she could have easily rang the mum (who she says is her friend?) and said, "I've picked Sophie up and her shoes have split, would you mind if I take her shopping to get her some new ones for her birthday?"

hm. one can do both? in fact how do you know the lady bountifuls dont?

Well, to all the lady bountiful wannabes out there, there is obviously a need for Clarks shoes. Why not invest all that money and joyous feeling into buying gift vouchers which can be handed over to food banks perhaps? I'm sure they'd be extremely grateful. They may only thank you once though I'm sure they could put that in writing so you could print it out.

So many children with wet feet out there, just think of the good you could do.

It's weird and uncalled for.

What if she wanted to be the one to go shoe shopping with her daughter?

It might feel a bit like you were muscling in.

No one here believes that school shoes are a suitable gift for a friends child. It's weird to even claim that. The mum knows this as well. This is where the issues lie.

I’m also with some other posters about a possible culture thing here thougy. I’m british but from a foreign family and we all help each other out. People have helped me out before and instead of being offended, i am grateful, remember their kindness and return any favours when i can.

same here. In my culture, if you are close enough to be moaning about money to a friend, the friend would be close enough to be buying shoes as a gift to my child who has broken shoes. It is obviously with good intentions. Some posters make OP feel like she committed a crime for helping out a child in need.

I would accept it, be grateful and when I have money, reciprocate with some other gift. British people make life too complicated for themselves and relationships end up too shallow and cold...

She took her to the shop to buy them...

Pride is all very well but it doesn't keep children's feet dry.

Shoes are a need. Not wishing to encounter uncomfortable feelings is a want.

Totally overstepped the mark.

The most you do in these circumstances is give a pair of dry socks. I'd have been mortified if another parent had have bought one of our dc new shoes .

The issue here is that sophie's parents have likely sent her to school knowing her shoes were broken and have not either sought help, sent her in other shoes and explained to the school etc.

You are making no sense!

If they haven't asked for help, what makes you think they would want their friend paying for a new pair?

What exactly would you have them 'explain' to the school, btw?

I am not English. The difference is the reciprocal nature of helping each other out. Not charity.
All those saying they see no issue with this - have you ever had so little money that your child has to wear their one pair of falling apart shoes until you can buy more on payday?

God mine spent an entire week sneaking his "but mum they're reeeeeeally comfy!" knackered ones out of the bin despite having 2 brand new pairs of Clarks on the rack. One day we didn't notice and I got a call from school saying his soles were flapping 😳so good job you didn't meet us that week. We're fine for money I'm just very easily distracted at 8.50am!

I'm also wondering if it's cultural. I'm also British with foreign parents.

Honestly, if I was feeling anxious about CoL, mold in my flat as this mum was, I wouldn't feel angry, I'd feel relieved that I could use the money to pay for something else.

It would be different if it was a misunderstanding about how much money I had - then I could afford to be outraged.

I’m not really sure why you’re using the term ‘parenting correctly’. What part of a little kid having soaked feet because her shoes are broken doesn’t warrant new shoes? This should be less about the mum’s pride or whatever, and more about a way to get this kid some new shoes.

Also op has said the broken shoes were also clarks. If the broken shoes were primark and op bought her air force ones, then i’d understand that point more. But she was replacing like for like.