To have bought this child school shoes?

I think you overstepped. In that situation I would have "happened to find" some shoes in the cupboard that I put away for my own DD to grow into, but which were now to small (or her size but to narrow, or possibly given to you but no use for whatever reason), then asked mum/dad if she would like them so they don't go to waste.

From the responses on this thread:

Child neglect - cool
Embarrassing mothers (but not father, who has the cash to pay back) - not cool

You did a good thing, @southwing— be happy with that.

I’d be mortified if another family stepped in to buy shoes for one of my children, needed or not. It’s incredibly humbling.

You say you’d be happy, but I’m not entirely sure you would be. Imagine having someone thinking you’re sooo poor that they have to purchase shoes for your child.

Leave it. And allow your daughter and her friend to continue their friendship.

Don’t worry Op, I agree YANBU.

Sophie’s shoes were obv in a state and she should not have to walk around in wet socks to save her mum’s pride.

Especially as you get a lot of second hand stuff from her, I also understand why it was ok to treat Sophie.

I think posters on here suggesting you should have given Sophie a spare pair are being absolutely ridiculous. They don’t seem to consider kids aren’t the same shoe size. My DS doesn’t have ‘spare’ shoes either, and once he grows out of them, I get rid of them to avoid clutter.

Maybe just text saying you’d like to clear the air. Say you hope she’s ok with the new shoes, say you understand how shows can just fall apart one day and you were very happy to be able to treat Sophie as you’re always very grateful for the hand me downs you get from her.

I'm a messy person. I have ADHD and find it hard to organise, plan and tidy. My house is usually a mess.
Sometimes friends come to visit and instantly start tidying. They mean well but it's humiliating for me. In my head they're thinking either "lazy cow" or "incompetent twit" It feels like criticism.
I think your friend probably feels a bit like this; that you think that she is an incompetent parent who can't provide for her own child. She probably feels criticised.
Btw, I can also be a person who rushes in to rescue so I do get that too but sometimes you have to remember that some people are very uncomfortable with being rescued.

Like the people who post on Facebook or other social media how they have money or food to the homeless

I think you enjoyed playing Lady Bountiful a littld too much!

That would have been perfect.

It reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where Elaine is upset that the chef commented on her shoes and Elaine says how embarrassing it was for her and the guys didn’t see it that way at all.

In some weird way this situation reminds me of that. The mum may feel completely different to her husband on this case. Husband said thanks but the wife is embarrassed and emotional.

I also wonder how the kid saw it all. She’s over at your place and suddenly you take her and your kid to an expensive shoe shop. The kid comes home to a situation that’s hard for her to understand as a child. Why is mum upset or embarrassed (or angry maybe) and fighting with dad about it? She may have wished she didn’t have the shoes after all.

It’s not about the money and that you did a gesture that financially doesn’t impact you. It’s the emotional cost that’s come from this and that may have cost the friendship and trouble in that family.

Leave it and move on.

You meant well but the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Put yourself in her mum’s shoes. Nobody wants to be thought of as a charity case and the assumption that she couldn’t sort out her own child’s school shoes does seem a bit condescending. She’s embarrassed. You could have at least mentioned it to her first.

It was a kind practical gesture of goodwill that came from the heart.

If she's embarrassed, well, frankly, she should be, letting her child go out in shoes that have fallen apart to that degree, regardless of the COL crisis.

Someone actually did something like this for me when I was a child (it was a coat- not shoes). I was used to being clothed in charity shop clothing and a friends mum bought me a coat from C&A (which I thought was dead fancy) after she made some comments about my coat being flimsy when we were out late-night Christmas shopping. I remember being confused about why my mum was annoyed at the time. It was only when I was older that the penny dropped. We were poor and my mum felt embarrassed and ashamed. It just makes me feel sad for my mum when I think about it now :(

I'm confused
Her Dad thanked you, and was very grateful
That's good.
Her mum gave you the socks back (your daughter's socks back) a couple of weeks later and didn't say anything about the shoes.
Maybe she didn't think she needed to? Doesn't mean she wasn't thankful.

You have to let people have their pride. It is always better to lie and claim shoes you give a child are spare ones your MIL bought for your DC that do not properly fit her - maybe they will fit your child? Pride matters.

Your heart was in the right place and you had the purest intentions. But it probably embarrassed her mum.

Presumably they're at work if OP did school pick-up?

If they’re such good friends, why not ring them, explain what happened and that you’re replacing the shoes wi th out expectations? You put them in an awkward position. And if they’re friends it’s odd you didn’t ask.

You don't know what the dad said to the mum. He may have said he felt belittled or embarrassed.

Hardly ‘barely knew’ 🙄

But Sophie is bigger than OP's DD, so I would assume her shoe size is larger, too.

I think it's weird that the mum is weird about it. I'd be so thankful, what a great level of friendship. Sophie had Clark's shoes and you bought her Clark's shoes. Like for like.

I also think it's extremely reasonable for both parents to say thank you.

I agree you could easily have lent her a spare pair of shoes of your daughters

Dad said thank you- I'm not sure why mum needed to as well- and you'd stated they were a gift. You've also decided she's now weird with you- it was a singular play date, after a party- maybe she was having a rough day. You seem to be looking for something that maybe juts isn't there.

I just can't believe that you don't see why this would offend someone. Its basically "these weren't good enough so I've replaced them". The insinuation is that either they can't afford to provide for her properly or are just being crap parents and not bothering. Neither of these is going to make a mum feel good is it?

Complaining about the cost of things is her opening up to you and now it's turned into a charity thing, something she didn't ask for. You've probably made her feel really inadequate.