To have bought this child school shoes?

I think it's a weird thing to do. I would have fished a pair of trainers out so she could get home ok but definitely not have bought new Clarks shoes. You also seem to be a bit self congratulatory. The other mum will give you a wide berth now. Lesson learned.

Yes agreed, lots of weird responses to this thread

Op said that she wasn’t actually expecting another thank you, more that the lack of acknowledgement seemed strange, which i get.

Op, please don’t apologise for anything. Clear the air if you need to, but don’t apologise. You mention Sophie being at your house a lot so it sounds like you also feed her quite a lot. This couple is also making the decision to have another baby while living in unsuitable accommodation and not providing proper shoes for their existing child. Sounds like you’re helping them a lot, you’re glad to do so and you have nothing to apologise for.

I would bet my sons clarkes shoes that the dad didn't translate that it was a birthday gift to the mum.

You say you didn't expect another thank you from her mum but are annoyed she didn't acknowledge the shoes. How else would you expect her to acknowledge them other than by thanking you?
She doesn't need to thank you, she didn't ask or possibly want you to buy her DD shoes. Dad has already thanked you. It sounds like you think mum should be eternally grateful.
I've struggled for money and would have felt totally humiliated if a parent had brought my DD new shoes. I'd feel humiliated now as I can afford to buy new shoes.
I think you thought it was a nice thing to do (even if you do think mum should be really grateful) but you crossed the line. You should have lent Sophie a pair of DDs shoes if you wanted to do something.

I really don't get why OP handed over the box, that made it very obvious they were expensive shoes. That plus saying about how the mum didn't say thank you makes it feel as if the OP wants more acknowledgement of her good deed. I would have down played that and said something casual like this. A cheap pair is one thing, buying expensive shoes then making it obvious that they were expensive wasn't necessary. The needed outcome was that the child had the shoes, not that the parents knew OP had spent a lot on them.

The double gifts may be mostly what annoyed your friend. It would have been better to wrap up a big packet of sweets and give this.

In your place, I’d text her and apologise. Say you’re embarrassed about what you think might have overstepped and you initially bought the shoes as a birthday gift then you thought about all the clothes she’s given you. That you’ve been wanting to pay her back in some way for a while now and you hope this hasn’t spoiled your arrangement. Don’t mention her behaviour. Don’t expect a response. Just let her process this. If she responds with ‘I thought the shoes were the birthday gift’, just repeat that you thought about this afterwards and felt that wasn’t enough because of how much she’s saved you.

I know I'd feel embarrassed and like a poor parent if someone else bought my child school shoes. Although I think what you did came from a really lovely place, I can understand friend's mum might be feeling embarrassed / annoyed.

I did a similar thing in diff circumstances - I sort of knew I crossed a line and was not expecting a thankyou ( never got one ) didn’t bother me if parent was offended because it was about a little girl - not them.

It was a good deed for you to do, but you went a bit overboard with presenting the box and old shoes, so of course the mum is embarrassed.

If you'd pitched it as "we went to the park, your DD shoes got destroyed so I picked up some new ones", then handed back the old shoes in a plastic bag, and not the box, the mum would probably be more comfortable with it.

Also, the dad had already thanked you, not sure why you feel the mum has to do the same thing.

Agree entirely. The parents should be more mortified that their child didn't have acceptable shoes than that someone else noticed and sorted the problem. Why should Sophia have to go about with cold, wet feet to save her parents' feelings?

Child comes first, feelings second.

And if they feel that the OP might think Sophia is "neglected" - well, why not call a spade a spade?

Have to agree with this.

I’m really not understanding all these ongoing replies about Sophie’s mum being ‘mortified’ and how it’s her responsibility to get new shoes. Why are people not more concerned about Sophie being sent to school in broken shoes? That’s what her mum should be mortified about. Not someone else buying Sophie shoes.

Absolutely this

The father thanked you, so no need for the mother to double thank you. Yes, you overstepped and hurt her pride. That's the sort of thing I should be taking care of for my child. It's way too personal for another parent to do. Maybe she doesn't feel thankful and isn't a hypocrite, so isn't going to say thank you where she doesn't mean it?

This. I'd be quite cross about it. It's overstepping a boundary and a bit weird.

You had good intentions but I would be mortified if another parent felt the need to take my child out and buy them new shoes.

Even as a good friend, this is overstepping and it did make her into a charity case. She's embarrassed, OP.

It might have been better as a good friend to have a conversation about whether you could buy Sophie a new pair of shoes for her birthday, before taking her out to get them.

Op if you’d have texted sophie’s mum about buying shoes, it’s also quite possible she’d have replied saying ‘oh no need to, we’ll get her some new shoes’ and then possibly not have done.

You mentioned they have another baby on the way so it sounds like they may benefit from being referred to a baby bank or something.

I have done similar before but I tend to give new items my kids have not worn much or cheaper items. Clarks school shoes are very expensive it would have come across like you were showing off you could afford them to buy and give away.
And whats with giving wet socks back? Simple to dry on rad

*broken shoes and wet socks!

ok yes, maybe op could have messaged her friend to let her know they were just popping out shoe shopping as her shoes had broken. But even then i don’t think it was necessary. The fact that op also just mentioned it to Sophie’s dad at pick up was also fine.

But the fact is, regardless of reason, the kid should not have had to go to school the next day with broken socks and wet shoes. It’s also ok to help your friends.

I think the most important thing in this situation is that Sophie has a pair of serviceable, water-tight shoes for school and the adults' feelings are secondary to that. Her mum will just have to find a way of getting over it.

If they were that close, then the friend would have asked. If friend had come to her and said "I'm skint and can't afford new shoes for my child, please help" then I would agree, but only if it comes from the one needing help. The other way round the op is effectively saying "I think you can't provide for your child, so decided to step in", which very few people ate going to appreciate being told. Maybe the friend doesn't see the op as close enough to have that kid of conversation with, hence why the relationship is now strained.

I have to be honest and say I think these suggestions are getting silly. These women are friends and should be able to be honest with eachother rather than having to tell fibs.

Just seen that Sophie is bigger then your own DD. In which case I would have said they were handed down to you by someone else, but you just don't have the space to store everything until your DD grows into it. I'd also have tried to offer before the old shoes broke, so it was a little less obvious.

I think there’s a huge difference though between being poor and not monitoring when your child needs new shoes. Op hasn’t referenced this family having money troubles and the dad offered to pay back.

Op references both soles coming apart, which i think is unlikely to have happened to both of them that day.