To expect partner to help with paying for food shops?

Course you should take his advice and cut back on things. Things like his food, his toiletries, driving him around, all the shit he's not paying for, basically. Then you'll have enough money to save and he can stop pissing his away on crap! Or if he can't, that's not your problem. He needs to realise what his fair share is, stop carrying him and using your DC's money to fund his selfishness.

I agree with much of this @Britpop123IMO if you’re married and have came to an agreement I think maybe it’s different. However, if I was unmarried and living with a man with a child and we earned the same I’d expect them to pay more overall . Especially in this case when OP will also (hopefully) be getting maintenance from the father since she has the kid 6 days a week.

I tend not to date guys with kids to begin with but I once got talking to a man who I think was looking for someone who would eventually move in and go halves. I pointed out to him a significant amount of the joint earnings would be leaving the household each month to pay for his child who lived with his ex. She didn’t even work so that wouldn’t be a great deal for me - working to hand over money for him to give to his ex.

Although as I have said upthread this guy is taking the piss . He’ll be saving hundreds at OP’s expense. I don’t know why you wouldn’t think to pay for your own food.

What kind of man can't buy his own deodorant?!

There are cuts you can make: reduce your food bill by 1/3 and no extra car journeys apart from your personal travel.

seriously, you need to have a grown up conversation about his poor money management before he bleeds you dry - which he will as he’s showing immature traits

My partner doesn’t drive. I pay for all my cars and they benefit from being driven around sometimes. I’d feel very petty to start asking for a share of costs

So you're paying approx £900 a month to live with him? 😳 Has he got a solid gold cock?

If he benefits from the car, he contributes towards it. Maybe not half, but not far off.

And you're spending way too much on that waste of space

Are you listening to everyone @Lunluna09

Brilliant!😂

Why do you have to live with him, I always say enjoy a shag and kick em out the door.

Interesting

one poster thought she should pay more and one (me) pointed out that on other threads that’s been said by many more people so there’s a bit of inconsistency

no one mentioned domestic work at all

You’re saying there’s an expectation that a partner support the child, pay their expenses, etc. I understand that the state (to some extent) expects that. I wonder if you’d be so strong on this view on one of the posts where the man has the children though?

how is the patriarchy supporting him when he’s obligated to support a child that’s not his? (I’m not saying that obligation isn’t right, just asking how that’s in his favour)

Fuck that.

Yes he should be paying food. Why on earth does he feel he shouldn't??

So you could sit him down and explain that the £600 doesn't cover food and he needs to start paying for his share. And that you can't afford the petrol for his lifts any more. And see what he says. But ultimately I think you know that he needs to leave.

Wow a rare moment of everyone saying the same thing on aibu.
Just a few pretending that op should pay lots more and no doubt do all the domestic work because she has a child.
My specialist topic on mumsnet is the patriarchy. Here we see an example of how the patriarchy aids unmarried men. He has moved into the family here and the state for one now treats the op and her "partner" as a traditional family unit and expects him to contribute to the childs expenses but he doesn't think that's fair so he is being financially and materially supported by his female partner. Despite the fact that he has the same wage as her.
Patriarchy is endlessly adaptable.

This. If he had to use public transportation he'd be paying for that so he should pay toward fuel wear and tear mot. It does sound like he is using you terribly. Get rid you will have more money instantly

Are you a complete mug? Why are you putting up with this?

This is financial abuse and he’s clearly gas lighting you if he’s got you to the point where you’re doubting if expecting him to contribute to the cost of feeding him is reasonable. Is he abusive in other ways? Do you feel safe? What does he contribute to your life?

So despite all the calls for him to be dumped immediately as a cocklodging abuser, op
is broadly right that he’s paying half of the truly joint bills and the only question is food

on that, yep he should be paying but given there are calls on other threads for the person with kids to pay more, and one poster on this thread, there might be merit in that

when my partner lived in my house I paid more as my kids were there.

😂😂😂

Maybe just buy your own food, and he can buy his.

It's more like being housemates than being a partner, but if the cap fits....

Hmmm bin him? As clearly by the time you leave paid everything you could be in the same position with or without him. So raise that to him and say its half or he leaves. Is it a joint rental/mortgage? Don't sell yourself short. 💐

Where the hell is his money going? Where did he live before? I'd tell him to go back there, it's not working.

I understand you putting more in the pot as there’s 2 of you but he should absolutely be paying for petrol and his own food and deodorant etc.

He must be absolutely laughing that he gets all his bills and food for only £600 a month.

I’m surprised you’ve let this slide for so long but you need to nip it in the bud.

Stop buying him food and toiletries and tell him to buy his own.
If he wants to be driven somewhere then he needs to give you petrol money.

Put your foot down, even if it’s over something minor.