To expect partner to help with paying for food shops?

He wants you to cut down on things does he? Easily done. Stop buying anything for him.
Say until the food and grocery shop is split (a third I guess if you pay for the kid, but half ideally) then he has to buy and cook his own stuff. You need to put your foot down.
If he claims he's not having it I'd be saying I think you'll find it's me who's not having it sunshine. Then tell him to leave. What a greedy freeloader.

Don’t forget when you kick him out, that you will be able to claim the single persons council tax discount, so even more savings all round. Enjoy your freedom , you are worth more than this deadbeat cocklodger.

He's terrible with money and never has anything left after the first week.
he is taking money from your child.

I'm happy with his £600 contribution towards the bills but questioning if hes right that he shouldn't need to pay for food.

He doesn’t pay for food, he doesn’t eat.

See if that changes his perspective.

Cocklodger

You are obviously not seeing eye to eye on the sharing of household expenses which do seem quite high. The point is could you manage financially if you asked him to leave. You are earning almost £4k a month between you which should be adequate. He does sound a bit selfish and irresponsible though. I would think about ending this relationship.

Oh god you have a man child. Cut him lose!!!

@Lunluna09 I have currently undiagnosed ADHD (1 child diagnosed, the other in the process) and I do kind of get how you've got yourself in that situation. I'm a people pleaser, always thinking I have to somehow "make up" for my quirks or living by the "anything for a quiet life" rule. However, I'm not a mug and neither are you. Come on. This man saw you coming. He's totally taken advantage, left you struggling, knowing you have a child, and tells you to "cut back". That's not ADHD, that's entitled narcissistic behaviour. The only thing you need to cut back on is him. Your life will be so much better without this sack of shit. Don't let him steal from your child because that's exactly what he's doing.

Cheeky freeloading bastard.
Time to tell him this arrangement of living together is not working out and he needs to live separate from you

Taking advantage of a single mother is the lowest of the low.

OP the money you are subsidising him should be for your child.

How on earth have you ended up feeding him for free.

He needs to pay his portion of the food shop , buy his own toiletries. Stop giving him lifts unless you are also going to that destination. You are not a taxi or Uber. Prioritise yourself and your child.

I think he's right, you should 'cut down on things', starting with his presence in your and your dc life. That should bring the expenses right down.

Get rid. I have nothing but disgust for these 'men' who would take take take from a woman and her dc and watch them struggle. How can you bear to look at him?

I think he's right, you should 'cut down on things', starting with his presence in your and your dc life. That should bring the expenses right down.

Yes to this

He's taking the piss. He needs to pay his fair share of the food bill and something towards petrol + car maintenance. Work out what you think is fair and tell him to pay up. If he refuses, tell him he'll have to buy & cook his own food from now on and no more lifts in the car anywhere!

Well you know you’re not BU. But surely you can see in black and white it sounds like you should break up with him as he is absolutely rinsing you and clearly doesn’t care or respect you to behave like this. I never understand when people post things like this saying AIBU? When clearly you must know this situation is dire. But you’ve allowed it and you don’t seem to want to end the relationship 🤷‍♀️

OP come on, he's taking you for an absolute mug.

Imagine being able to live like he does, rent, bills, car, heated, showered, fed and watered for the grand total of £19 a day as a grown adult.

Let me guess - you're also doing his laundry.

to the people saying he should only pay 1/3 of the rent.. ??? Children aren't expected to pay an equal share of the bills, they're children, so OP should not be paying an extra third for her child, that's bonkers. If he wants to live there then there are two adults running that household and they should pay equally.

He should be paying half of all household bills, the bit of extra utilities he's paying for which your child is 'using' is offset against the petrol/car costs that he's got the benefit of yet not paying towards.

food shopping.. depends on what your shopping looks like, but an adult man eats more than a child, and if there's school dinners etc, or if your partner drinks/smokes it's even more. I would for 2-3 months itemise everything you spend on shopping, work out:

what is specifically his: he pays for 100%
what is family stuff: he pays for 50%
what is specifically for your child: he pays 0%

work out an average of what that looks like and MAKE HIM PAY IT, I would never be with someone as selfish as this, but if I was I would turn in to the world biggest pedant and he would be paying for every little thing he has, even down to itemising takeaways/meals out etc.

Don't let him get away with it OP, he's using you and you're letting him!

Been a single parent for 15 years and this is exactly what I do. No man will ever live in my house!

How old is this man? Has he ever lived on his own or in a house share? He seems to have no idea what things actually cost.

I’m confused you say bills are £1700 is that including the cost of the car and what was the other £1800 you mentioned

Why have a cocklodger when you could easily get £600 a month from an actual lodger, who would also buy his own food and would not expect you to drive him around?

His split of the actual overhead, rent, utilities, and tax is fair at 600/1250. He still needs to pay his food and incidentals separate from that. If he wants rides, he needs to contribute towards running the car, otherwise he can pay for other transportation. If you need to buy something for the house, like new towels, you should both be paying for those sorts of things that wear out and periodically have to be replaced.

You know he's absolutely right, you do need to make some cutbacks.

Cut back on his food and toiletries (only biy for you and your child).
Cut back on lifts, you need to save the petrol and the wear and tear.
Cut back on loans to him.
In fact, just cut back on the relationship.