To expect partner to help with paying for food shops?

£138 a week, all in? Many lodgers pay more than that.

@sandyhappypeople yes, I'd help out with a temporary imbalance but not ongoing. Surely no-one can be this stupid, they earn the same.

Yup - so many of them too

The thing is if he moved out and paid for everything himself, rent alone would be £600 and then he’d have to pay all the rest. The useless control of his money is a red flag alone, he prioritises all his fun in the first week of the month and then has nothing left, he’s in it all for himself. I’d tell him to move out, I bet he finds money then, if you still want him.

You would hope they were but no, there are certainly people who accept being total doormats and are basically paying to rent a partner.
It's genuinely sad and I think it's normally due to very low self esteem and/or fear of being alone.

I wonder if posts like this are fake to be honest.

I can't think of one single reason why one person in the relationship would agree to pay for everything for the other person (who earns the same as them) then ask online if that's reasonable or not?

It's too ridiculous to be true.

How on earth can he say this? Ok, he’s a twat and he’s full of shit. Very entitled shit. You should just ask him to leave. You must stop buying anything for him: hi x, I’ve been thinking and it’s not working. You need to move out. I can give you a week before you have to be gone. Don’t eat my food, buy your own.

Best comment 😆

You do need to cut down on things. Cut out any food and "essentials" that he uses from your food shop, just buy and cook for you and your child. You need to cut out lending him any money and any lifts you give him.

He sounds like my ex - freeloader. It will never change. He’s a taker. These people are only ever interested in themselves. Hope you find someone that deserves you.

Me and my ex ended as he was beyond tight and i wrote out a spreadsheet of all the money i had spent in relationship and him to prove i had spent more as he was always demanding it was my turn to pay...

You are being taken for a mug. Stop buying his toiletries (he's an adult, for goodness sake) and stop driving him places. When he complains, tell him this is you cutting back on stuff. If this means he leaves, then you'll find out how much better off you'll be. Oh, and less stressed about money too.

If he wants to eat, he needs to pay. You pay for his toiletries. I bet you also pay for all the cleaning supplies and laundry detergent. These things are not free. He needs to pay his share or get out.

stop buying his stuff, stop making his dinner, and cleaning his clothes, stop driving him about. he is freeloading so he can fritter his money away on what he wants to ...... tell him when he complains that you don't have the money and until he contributes more then the situation will stay the same. taking away the actual car payment, i'd be splitting the bills equally (apart from kids stuff) and pay petrol money for when you take him places, he'd be paying a taxi driver if he wanted picked up so why no contribution to you??

OP I’m confused why you think you should be paying for his food and toiletries? He earns the same as you, why wouldn’t he pay for his food?! If he’s so bad with money he contributes X amount for food when he gets paid so it’s accounted for. Or you kick him out. Seriously stop funding him!

This. And cut down enormously on the food you buy for just one month. If you can, shop every day or two and just buy what you need for meals and children. Don't cater to his larger appetite (if he has one) or snacks, other than for the children. Put your saving well out of his reach and then see how he likes it.

‘You need to cut down on things’
yeah, his deodorant, and driving him around
xx

Sounds like a freeloader. Relationships at living together are built on trust and in my opinion all should go in the pot bills out and agreements on extra or savings etc but it doesn't sound like you could trust him like that which speaks volumes. - kick him out.

Wtf, chuck him out, you deserve better

@Lunluna09 Sorry if I have misunderstood but are you saying he only pays £600 towards bills etc. and the rest of his take home pay is his own to just spend on himself? Approx £1300?x

He's using you, and you are giving him free rein to do whatever he wants in his treatment of you.

Value yourself and your CHILD enough to stop letting this cocklodger take advantage of you.

600 quid all in .. can I come and live with you op.... seriously he's taking the piss.

He should pay for:

• at least half of the household bills including food to offset the loss of your single person council tax discount.
• all of his toiletries.
• the lifts to work etc at the price claimable according to HMRC as this will include wear and tear on your car. Last time I checked that was 45p a mile.
• his share of any trips or outings including hidden extras like car park charges.
• the occasional thing for your child, eg a Christmas present, because it’s an expected thing to do being part of the household.
• If giving him a lift to work increases your childcare costs, these as well.

Would your child be happier if he left? He’s not only monopolising your money but your time with your child.

I don’t see any advantage to him continuing to live with you. If you want one last shot at him seeing sense, I would create a couple of spreadsheets showing outgoings before (with today’s prices) and outgoings now including the extra mileage for him. Then tell him the best way for you to cut back is for him to move out. If he doesn’t want to, he needs to pay the extra x amount.

Please ensure he pays at least that or call it a day.

Adding

My partner & I are a great team, we support each other through the good & bad times over the years

You & your partner are not acting like a team !

If you lived alone, you would still need to pay for all the car, tax, insurance, petrol, repairs

However, if you lived alone, your food & snacks/toiletries would be cheaper.

To put this into perspective, my partner has done the below without me asking;

Changed flat tyres, brakes & has fitted new himself. We had 2 cars which we shared.

Regularly does weekly food shop

Regularly does cooking, DIY, cleaning

We have each paid for days out, holidays

Your "partner" sounds like a teenager. What sort of adult cannot buy their own food or toiletries ?

You would be better off living on your own
Date if you wish, but your date Iives elsewhere

Your "partner" is currently taking money away from yourself & your child !