To expect partner to help with paying for food shops?

It's not up to him to subsidise your child

If OPwas stepmother to her DP's child, she would be getting comments like "You shouldn't be with him if you aren't prepared to treat his children as your own" etc. Why are men not held to the same standard of care?

And a child won't be eating the quantity of food an adult does - and a OP probably won't eat as much as her DP does. He should be paying half of the food bills.

Stop feeding him

Stop driving him around

Stop being a mug

Do the household bills of £1700 not include food/toiletries? He's paying a little over 1/3 of the household bills. It's not up to him to subsidise your child, although by paying 1/3 rent he is already (if you were a couple with no child you could live in a smaller/cheaper property) - I assume their father is/should be paying their share toward those expenses?

If the £1700 excludes food, then you need to let him know and ask for his 1/3 share. If he doesn't want to pay, he doesn't get to eat - your shopping will be cheaper :-)

Would he be paying only 600 a month for rent, heat, groceries etc. if he lived alone? I doubt it.

What argument is he using to get you to pay for his food? It is so obviously unfair to you and your child. It’s almost as if he is charging his services to be your partner!

@Lunluna09 what are you going to do?

Unless he can subsist on fresh air, he needs to pay for food.

Also towards the car if you are ferrying him about.

Also buy his own personal products eg deodorant, shaving stuff etc

Also - stop lending him money. Do you get it back? If you do, has he "re-borrowed" it by the end of the week?

He's an arsehole and you are so used to the smell you don't notice it any more.

You need him to move out or pay you half the cost of the food bill as a minimum in advance each month.
You can't trust him not to spend the money on whatever he's blowing it on now if you don't get it when he gets paid.

If he doesn't pay up, even if you stop buying food for him he is going to just take it out of the cupboards and not replace it because that is the sort of low quality idiot you are shacking up with.

I hope he's really awesome in bed OP, because he doesn't sound like he's any good at anything else.

@SheepAndSword exactly, made the financial split incredibly easy. I was happy to cover the mortgage and maintenance but the subsidising him for the rest of the stuff did really grate after a while, when you're paying out nearly your entire wage and he can save 2/3 of his
People not believing this happens clearly haven't met these men who manage to make out you're asking for alot if they pay £30 for a takeaway on the £1k+ disposable income when you're paying your full wage keeping a roof over your heads. I think they make it seem like you're after their money dispute them spending an awful lot of yours

Stop buying him food🤷‍♀️

FFS these useless good for nothing men 😡

So you are basically feeding him and he is refusing to contribute? To his own food?

On God's green earth, WHY?

@Duckling771 at least he didn't have a claim on your house! Well rid.

@oprahwindsock I'm starting to wonder why it's so difficult to just say he pays for his food

So I often see on mumsnet topics of how much people charge their uni kids for room and board, the one who have part time jobs around studying and that's normally like £400 a month.
Your partner who earns £1.9k a month after tax currently pays £200 more than kids in uni....
of course he needs to pay for the food he eats (not even including his own toiletries!!) I would say his share of food per month including toiletries would be around £300, you do need to cut back. Cut back supplementing a grown mans outgoings.

I honestly can't understand why either of you would think that it's unreasonable for him to contribute to food costs?? He's eating the food so why should you pay for it all??

Even regarding the car - he is benefitting from there being a car in the household, so he should be contributing towards fuel as a minimum?

This man is taking you for an absolute mug, and you are letting him. Why are you buying his toiletries???? If he lived alone he'd have to buy them AND he'd have to buy his food, so why does he think food is free at your place??? Have you asked him why he doesn't think he has to pay for food at your place, but would have to pay for it elsewhere? Please don't put up with this horribly unfair situation any longer.

Op you have got to see that this isn't right.

Not sure how old you DC is but unless they are teen DC with a huge appetite there is no way they are consuming a 1/3 of the food. I would imagine it is your partner that probably eats more than anyone.

To be frank he sounds like a freeloading man child and I could tolerate living with someone like that.

Get rid and stop subsidising him

Hope you're using several different types of contraception because you defo don't want a child with this man

So are you listening to everyone?

He needs to go

@Lunluna09 I was in a similar situation with an ex for years, he paid for half household bills excluding my mortgage and as he didn't drive, I carted him about and drove to do the food shop and therefore paid for it all. He paid £700 a month for years, never increased the payment, I bought everything, toiletries, food, even clothes and his families birthday and Christmas gifts for him. When anything broke, washing machine, dishwasher, boiler etc he refused to contribute in anyway, despite living with me for years and benefitting from these things, even his mother thought he was being tight, I had to get loans to cover these as I just hadn't got the money(he had at least £30k in savings due to his subsidised living). By the time we split up, I worked out I would save money by not having him in the house, I would get 25% discount on council tax, I wouldn't need to buy all his snacks and toiletries and clothes etc. trust me if you work out how much it's costing you to keep this man you may decide you're better off without him
For £600 a month he probably couldn't even live in a house share and he'd have to pay for his own food and toiletries on top

After he left he went to live with his mother who got fed up of him living in her house, so forced him to find somewhere to rent, I got a text a few weeks after he left where he'd decided he had changed his mind about splitting up and I was actually wonderful ... I imagine it had hit home that he couldn't live with mommy forever and living by yourself is actually rather expensive and you have to cook and clean too.... I didn't take him up on his offer, i was quite happy without a cocklodger in my life

‘You’ll need to cut down on things’ I would suggest his toiletries and food. He’s not a keeper is he?

YANBU but you are being silly allowing this to go on as long as it has. From now on, shop for you and your child and tell him he needs to buy his own groceries. And if he needs a lift, tell him before he gets in the car, "That will be £x for petrol, do you want to do a bank transfer or cash?" and if he doesn't want to pay he can get a bus.

Food shopping (and car is used for joint purposes) should be incorporated into the household bills budget. You're obviously accepting you pay more to this budget as you have a DC living with you and I guess use the car a bit more on your own.

Why on earth have you been doing all this? Are you his mother or partner?!
He sounds immature and very selfish. What exactly does he bring to the relationship that means you don't want to ask him to leave immediately?

Ask him to move out. Problem solved.