To expect partner to help with paying for food shops?

Stop being his magic money tree for a start. The next time he wants money from you, tell him no.

This, I know, will not be easy - and it may well be that when he realises that you are not going to subsidise his lifestyle, he will move on to someone else who will. You really don't need someone in your life who is happy for you to give him money, give him lifts and buy his toiletries (!) and then tells you that you need to 'cut back'.

Of course, he's quite right. You do need to cut back - from him.

And you are still buying his deodorant , I wouldn’t buy him anything not even food.

YANBU and the fact that he makes you feel that way when you raise this is a red flag. You are being manipulated even if neither of you fully realise that. He may be lovely otherwise and just trying and succeeding to have his own way on this one, but you need to deal with it quickly. If you don’t nip this in the bud at this early stage, it will fester and damage your relationship. You also say he is bad with money. If you let this continue, it’s a recipe for resentment and unhappiness.

My lodger paid more than that!! Get rid. He is freeloading

Yes. This is ridiculous.
Figure out your actual household expenses (don't include the car if he doesn't use it) - Include rent/mortgage, gas, electric, broadband, water, council tax, netflix, homephone, home insurance. Divide this by two. This is your baseline expenses.

Then have an educated guess at what else is spent on the household - food, furniture, cleaning supplies, consumables, decor, garden stuff, etc. Then divide this my two, and round up to the nearest £50.

Add these two figures together, and that's how much you should each be putting into a joint account to pay your bills and expenses from.

If you both agree, you could pay slightly more because the child is yours (eg you pay 3/5, he pays 2/5) as child will use less food, and many of the costs would be the same if/ when they're not there. But he should be paying a fair share of the bills, and presumably he knew the child existed and agreed to take on some level of responsibility for them before you moved in together.

OP, I have only read your posts, not the whole thread. However, this man sounds like he is taking advantage of you.

If it is of any use to you, when I discussed splitting finances with my ex-partner and his DS we did it by "parts". Our tax system considers one adult working full-time as "one part" and a child as "one half", so our household consisted of 2.5 parts. For rent, electricity, internet, food, etc., he paid 1.5 parts to my 1 part. Or 3/5 for him, 2/5 for me.

Any functioning adult should be buying their own deodorant, and if he eats the food he should pay at least 2/5 of the food bill. As for the car, if he uses it then he should also pay - you are not free taxi. My ex had a car and although he was happy to drive about and was able to claim miles from work, I always gave him petrol money for weekend trips/days out/when he did me a favour like picking up my cat for me. That is what a supportive adult looks like and I don't think you have one of those.

I'd write down all the costs including petrol and split it in the middle.

Late to the party here, but food bills need to be split evenly, your child does not mean you pay more, I’ve got a daughter who lives with us and we split all bills in proportion to our earnings, I don’t pay more for food because my daughter is here. Family is family however it’s come together.

Ditch him!

What the hell are you spending on? Where are you shopping for 3 people for it to cost that kind of money.
Family of 5 hald that budget and we certainly don't go without.

We accidentally fell in to something like this. Other half is terrible with money so I ended up even putting money in his savings for him. We now sit down every month and look at in and out money. It has been really useful. He realised he was spending a lot of money when out and about driving for work so we put things in place to cut this down eg taking coffee / snacks / lunch to work. It was really useful. I still do all the savings in the relationship but he sends me money on his payday so it’s easier and fairer. He actually feels like he contributes more.

Literally just made an account because of this. Great response.

He should be bloody ashamed of himself. Appalling.

hes meant to be a partner not a child paying his mum keep. Why are you buying everything for him? All bills should be split equally. Yes its your car but he gets a lot of use from
it he needs to grow up and you need to set him straight

He should be contributing to food at least. I would stop buying all his toiletries.

Just because he asks doesn't mean you have to give it to him!

It is time for a talk and if he doesn't change then it's over. Decide what you want and stick to it. He's not the only man out there.

Are you in a relationship with my ex? 😆

If it helps you in getting angry, he’s taking cash from your child. Every penny you spend on his food is a penny taken away from your child’s future.

I would be telling him for example ‘shopping was 300, so you owe £150’.
if not, off you go..

You'd be better off getting a lodger.

I'd boot him.

He is not worth your time. He is using you and you are better off alone.

Another cock lodger. I use to put up with it in my teens and twenties as knew no better then. Bin him and enjoy your life, he’s taking the absolute piss.

Bin him.

He's treating you as a free taxi and as a free café. Won't put is hand in his pocket yet perfectly happy to put his hand into yours?

Cock lodger.

What exactly are you asking us?. I'm sure you know he is wrong.

Well, as he suggested cutting back then cut back on his shopping - toiletries, deodorant and food.

If you need to cut back further then he can also go..