To expect partner to help with paying for food shops?

I earn similar to you, my partner earns 800 more. We both put £780 each into joint account a month which covers half bills/mortgage & spare money for shopping. Anytime either person goes food shop we just use joint account. The child benefit gets put into the joint account on top of our payments.

We both pay our own cars and personal bills (gym, phone) separately because we have one each. I would expect one of us to pitch in on fuel if we were getting drove around everywhere and the other person didn't have a car.

Ive never asked my partner to put in extra because he earns more, I'm comfortable with what I've got left and it sees me through. We have two children together and he has a son from a previous who we have shared care off. I’ve never asked him to put extra into the account for food for his son. You sound like you are being taken advantage off xx

Honestly. Your best bet is to get out now. I lived with someone like this for 9 years (he was also extremely violent but that’s another story) some month I’d be left with nothing and he’d be sat on a pile of new computer game. Finally plucked up the courage to ditch him 16 years ago (had also made the mistake of putting him on my mortgage 2 months before I ditched him so ended up loosing everything there and starting from the bottom but again another story )

fast forward I have been with my husband 15 years, married for 11. I take home £1800 a month and he takes home £3500. Household bills including food £1720 a month. We have one son. All of our money goes in one pot. All bills are paid, I leave £1500 in the bill account for household repairs/holidays/savings then transfer the rest out into another current account, if you want something you get it out of what’s left. We have never had a single argument about money. Even when he came out of work and I only worked 3 days and we had nothing and got behind on bills. What I’m trying to say is some people are mature money wise and others aren’t and these people don’t ever change. They’ll always have you funding them and basically being mum to them.
from someone who literally had to start again 15 years ago with debt coming out of my ears my advice is to get rid. He’s a financial and a time burden. He doesn’t sound like he has any respect for you and this won’t change. Don’t get older and look back and regret wasting your life with someone

I dont get it... you say your bills are 1700 but then you say he pays 600 and you pay 1800. I believe you, im just wondering how this works out? Also hes a massive cock, I wouldn't even bother trying to sort this out with him, just get shot of the freeloader and influence on your child

Yup.

Come on, op! You can do better.

This !

Tell him he is right, you need to manage your money better.
So you need him to buy his own food, and products, as you can't afford to pay for him.
Also tell him you won't give him any money extra next month so he needs to keep his own spending down.

OP, when he ‘borrows’ money, does he pay it back?

Yes he should pay at least a third of the food bill and if he wants lifts half the petrol. If he refuses I would stop buying anything for him and stop taking him places. (Or get rid)

He needs to contribute towards food as you could be putting a bit of money aside for things you need that pop up like car tyres, saving money for your child's future etc.
If he moans or disagrees then ask him to leave as why should you pay for all the food, you are not his mother.
If he was renting himself he would be paying so much more for rent, bills etc. Don't let him bully you and if he has an issue with paying for his own food tell him he can buy his own food or move out.

There are far cheaper cars you can get on PCP, I’d look into that.

Your partner is taking the piss. It seems he pays fairly to the household but why are you paying for his food? Does he not actually eat it? Is he not benefiting from the petrol you are purchasing? If he doesn’t wish to contribute to food, he shouldn’t eat it. He can do his own shop. And if he doesn’t want to contribute to petrol or the general upkeep of the car he benefits from, he should get his own or walk.

Youre not being unreasonable.

Either he splits the food shop or he does his own, including his toiletries.

Just stop doing it, OP.

Work out what the bills amount to and he pays half. Don't buy his toiletries etc in the household shop. And each time he needs a lift, charge him a couple of quid for petrol.

Lastly, never lend him money.

Just say no.

Yeet the freeloading cocklodger off the nearest cliff.

Since you both earn practically the same amount of money, why don't you split all the bills in half, instead of one paying one thing, and the other paying something else. Just work out the total cost of all bills and both put in the same amount of money to pay them all. Surely that would solve the issue of one paying out more than the other!

What’s he spending £1300 a month on (in a week)?!

I think you need to have a bank account where all the bills come out including petrol and food. I'd include running costs on the car because he's benefitting but if you want to keep that separate then do.

I suspect his contribution should be nearer the £1000 mark each month - then you both have around £900 a month each in your own accounts.

Bills £1250 a month, Groceries around £400 a month, petrol £100 a month

Means he should be paying at least £850.

YANBU
Does he/she pay you rent? If so, I would ask for more to cover food and make sure you have a contract.

Hmmn. You can't cure being dim.

The only thing he shouldn't contribute towards is your child.

But why are you living with a feckless, irresponsible adult? How are you benefitting by spending your hard-earned money on him instead of your child??

Why is all his money gone so suddenly after pay day?

Why is your choice of a partner, who will be a male role model to your child, so sad and pathetic?

Because he is feckless and useless and self-centred and sponging off you - you, who have just been so sadly and depressingly accepting of bad behaviour?

Do you honestly want your child if female - to pick such a loser?

Do you honestly want your child if male - to grow up like him?

The saddest thing is society is people who have such low expectations in relationships and cling in there.

@Sleepytiredyawn 😁

Cut down on feeding him, lifts and buying his essentials. And when he complains, tell him you took his advice.

This was my first thought. No way is this attractive. 🙄

sounds like he may have spending /
debt problems he’s not told you about or he is just a free loader either way - you need to sort this fast - He is sponging off you and it’s not ok.

Sit him down tell him he needs to start paying HALF toward food & petrol expenses like a grown ass man -
ask him if he has a reason why he thinks he shouldn’t (?!) but personally this would be a dealbreaker for me if he puts up a fight. The fact he’s doing this to you in the first place is disgusting.

Next time he runs out of money and asks for a hand-out, say no. Tell him you are already struggling and if he suggests you’re broke because you spend too much (which, by the way, sounds like he’s gas-lighting you) then tell him you will happily cut down on spending money on his food and petrol. It sounds like he has a serious problem with money and no idea how to budget, and he might even need some help, but it’s not fair that it’s affecting you in this way.

He needs to pay at least 1/3 of the food and toiletries or he needs to go buy and cook his own food.
Also, he needs to pay part of the car and petrol that is driving his ass around.
I would be surprised if he does his share of chores or if he pulls the "but Im a stepdaddy" card then as well.
I would rather get a second job for that 600 than deal with this man.

YANBU. I'm terrible with money myself so we have a Revolut pocket for shopping that we transfer a set amount to each month when we get paid. Then when either of us does a food shop we withdraw the total from there.