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AIBU?

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Original poster

To expect partner to help with paying for food shops?

364 replies

Lunluna09 · 20/03/2024 16:21

So I earn between 1.9-2k a month, my partner earns 1.9k so more or less the same.

We live together and I have a child from a previous relationship, and also a car, which he does not.

The household bills are almost £1700 a month, and he currently pays £600 towards this, which is fine as my car means my share is higher.

My issue is I also pay for every food shop, and also all the petrol, and I drive him around frequently. He thinks he pays his fair share in his words and doesn't need to pay more. I buy all his essentials, deodorant, etc

I'm currently spending £1800 a month on the rest of the bills, food/ essentials for the three of us and petrol and it's bleeding me dry, I've got nothing to put aside, ive had two flat tires this month and nothing to fall back on and I'm really struggling. I've brought it up to him and it's very much 'youll need to cut down on things' with no offer to help out even one week a month with doing a food shop.

He's terrible with money and never has anything left after the first week. If I mention needing more he makes me feel like I'm being unreasonable asking for money from him. He also frequently asks to borrow what little money I have from me through the month as he never has any.

AIBU?

OP posts:
IncompleteSenten · 20/03/2024 16:28

Write a list. Two columns.
A - each and every single thing you pay for.
B - each and every single thing he pays for.

Take the list, roll it up and shove it up his arse.

Popetthetreehugger · 20/03/2024 16:27

Run for the hills !

Hatty65 · 20/03/2024 16:27

Stop feeding him.

Point out that his share of the bills covers the roof over his head, the council tax, the gas/electric and the water/phone bill etc.

It doesn't cover food. If he wants to eat then he needs to buy food. Or cough up half the cost of the food in the fridge/cupboards that you have paid for. If he wants a lift he can pay for the petrol - or get the bus. Or a taxi. If he doesn't want to smell he'll need to buy deodorant.

Or he could just fuck off.

It's not that hard, OP

IncompleteSenten · 20/03/2024 16:26

He's taking the absolute piss here. And will continue to do so until you tell him you're done subsidising him.

Xiaoxiong · 20/03/2024 16:26

So you pay

  • half the bills
  • all the petrol for trips driving him around as well as yourself
  • all the car insurance
  • all the food for 2 adults
  • all the toiletries for 2 adults

And he pays

  • half the bills?
  • AND he's always skint and borrowing off you, and makes you feel bad for asking

I think you have yourself a jolly fine cocklodger there. Give him the heave-ho and your food, toiletries and petrol will go down by half and you won't be loaning him money.

WotsitsMadeIn1927 · 20/03/2024 16:25

So you do as he asked and cut down on things. Start by not ferrying him about for an and don’t include any food or essentials for him in the food shop. He’s being unfair and very tight and bloody cheeky.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 20/03/2024 16:25

Easiest thing to cut back on is the freeloading prick eating your food.

ItsADoggieDogWorld · 20/03/2024 16:25

I think you'd be better off single. He sees you as a meal ticket I'm afraid. You have a child, you should not be subsidising his life. And more importantly he should not be expecting you to.

TinyYellow · 20/03/2024 16:25

Stop lending him money and stop driving him about. Consider whether or not you find someone with such a tight arse attractive.

Tatas · 20/03/2024 16:25

How is he being a partner?!

I think you perhaps need to split the bills differently. Do you need a much bigger house for your DC? Are they there full time?

Perhaps split the bills (without the car) into 1/3 and you pay 2/3 and he pays 1/3? But all bills, house, gas / electric, food shop etc. He should be buying his own essentials!

Don't drive him around anymore. If you pay for the car + fuel on your own, don't be his taxi. Charge him if he wants driving around, and if he objects then offer to split the car costs 50/50 if you're both benefiting from it.

VeronicaMars2023 · 20/03/2024 16:24

Please don’t think of it, or articulate it as “helping” to pay for the food shop. If he eats, he pays.

and no, YANBU.

Sophie3003 · 20/03/2024 16:24

Hello

Definitely not being unreasonable. I earn more than my husband (recently married) and currently we split the bills in half and we alternate paying for the food shops each week. I also have a daughter from a previous relationship but he has no issue paying for the shopping or half the bills.

Frumpitydoo · 20/03/2024 16:24

YABU to have entertained this freeloading cocklodging waster for this long. He pays up or gets out.

BruceAndNosh · 20/03/2024 16:24

What does he actually bring to your relationship?