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AIBU?

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Original poster

To expect partner to help with paying for food shops?

364 replies

Lunluna09 · 20/03/2024 16:21

So I earn between 1.9-2k a month, my partner earns 1.9k so more or less the same.

We live together and I have a child from a previous relationship, and also a car, which he does not.

The household bills are almost £1700 a month, and he currently pays £600 towards this, which is fine as my car means my share is higher.

My issue is I also pay for every food shop, and also all the petrol, and I drive him around frequently. He thinks he pays his fair share in his words and doesn't need to pay more. I buy all his essentials, deodorant, etc

I'm currently spending £1800 a month on the rest of the bills, food/ essentials for the three of us and petrol and it's bleeding me dry, I've got nothing to put aside, ive had two flat tires this month and nothing to fall back on and I'm really struggling. I've brought it up to him and it's very much 'youll need to cut down on things' with no offer to help out even one week a month with doing a food shop.

He's terrible with money and never has anything left after the first week. If I mention needing more he makes me feel like I'm being unreasonable asking for money from him. He also frequently asks to borrow what little money I have from me through the month as he never has any.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Notwhatyouwanttohear · 20/03/2024 16:37

Cocklodger

Why are you putting up with this.

Guiltypleasures001 · 20/03/2024 16:37

Perfect I like your style Grin

Nanny0gg · 20/03/2024 16:37

@Lunluna09 Apart from spending your money, does he do anything useful?

NorthCliffs · 20/03/2024 16:37

What's he spending £1300 on in one week, OP? Is this the kind of man you really want in your child's life?

Or yours?

Nanny0gg · 20/03/2024 16:36

IncompleteSenten · 20/03/2024 16:28

Write a list. Two columns.
A - each and every single thing you pay for.
B - each and every single thing he pays for.

Take the list, roll it up and shove it up his arse.

😂😂

Perfect

PlumbersWifey · 20/03/2024 16:36

Which one is it, cocaine or gambling?

kalokagathos · 20/03/2024 16:36

A cocklodger

SantaBarbaraMonica · 20/03/2024 16:35

User.

idontlikealdi · 20/03/2024 16:34

Is he in your house? Is it rented or are you mortgaged? How long have you been together? is your child there FT?

Largely it's irrelevant though as I would be getting rid.

Nanny0gg · 20/03/2024 16:34

Frumpitydoo · 20/03/2024 16:24

YABU to have entertained this freeloading cocklodging waster for this long. He pays up or gets out.

^^This

oprahwindsock · 20/03/2024 16:34

IncompleteSenten · 20/03/2024 16:28

Write a list. Two columns.
A - each and every single thing you pay for.
B - each and every single thing he pays for.

Take the list, roll it up and shove it up his arse.

🤣🤣🤣

Serenity45 · 20/03/2024 16:34

Frumpitydoo · 20/03/2024 16:24

YABU to have entertained this freeloading cocklodging waster for this long. He pays up or gets out.

Nails it ^^

Mumof2teens79 · 20/03/2024 16:34

This is a bit confusing as you have included the car in the "household bills" but not food shopping or petrol.
What's the house situation? Mortgage? Rent? In who's name?

Rosindub · 20/03/2024 16:33

Let me guess - he moved in to your home. Time for him to move out.

anonqrtb · 20/03/2024 16:33

Well if he wants you to cut back then you should cut back.

No more buying food for him, you need to cut back.
No more free lifts, you need to cut back.
Ran out of deodrant? Best hop skippity jump down the shop and buy yourself some because i need to cut back.

Sasqwatch · 20/03/2024 16:33

ItsADoggieDogWorld · 20/03/2024 16:25

I think you'd be better off single. He sees you as a meal ticket I'm afraid. You have a child, you should not be subsidising his life. And more importantly he should not be expecting you to.

This

You are worth more than this OP

WoodBurningStov · 20/03/2024 16:32

If he won't pay petrol of food, stop running him around in the car and buy food for yourself and your dc only.

He's taking the piss completely.

Globetrote · 20/03/2024 16:32

He’s must be well pleased with himself on his financial good luck with meeting you. He’s a free loader so show him the door ➡️

Gettingbysomehow · 20/03/2024 16:31

I'm sorry but I think you should get rid. Your child is your first and only consideration. A partner should be paying his own way, should be responsible for managing his money and not borrowing off you.
I wasted 20 years on a man like this and had zero respect for him by the end. Don't be me.
Every penny he doesn't pay is taking food out of your child's mouth, clothing off her back and treats away from her.
You and your DD deserve better than this waster.

Evasmissingletter · 20/03/2024 16:31

IncompleteSenten · 20/03/2024 16:28

Write a list. Two columns.
A - each and every single thing you pay for.
B - each and every single thing he pays for.

Take the list, roll it up and shove it up his arse.

This

AnotherCountryMummy · 20/03/2024 16:31

What a freeloading fucker.

You should show him this thread.

usedtobeasizeten · 20/03/2024 16:31

Why would you think you were unreasonable?

Herdingcatz · 20/03/2024 16:29

I think his share of bills is fine. He needs to pay at least a third of groceries, all his own toiletries and sundries and petrol for when you give him a lift somewhere- I’d work it at 45p a mile to cover wear and tear on the car.

If he says that his toiletries need to be done as part of the weekly shop- they don’t- he can order online from boots or Amazon.

WarshipRocinante · 20/03/2024 16:29

Well, you’ve tried living together and it doesn’t work. Time to kick him out.

Seriously; they don’t change. Sometimes they’ll change for a couple months but they always slip back and it’s a constant uphill struggle, you’ll find yourself obsessing about money and worrying about the next pay day to see what happens.

Honestly, if you want to stay with him then you need to live separately. But… this is who he is. Fundamentally selfish and out for himself, bad with money so makes you cover him… think hard about ending this.

CoffeeBeansGalore · 20/03/2024 16:28

He can buy his own toiletries.
He should be paying at least a third of the food shop.
Stop ferrying him about if the journey doesn't benefit you.
Do not lend him any money.
You are paying £500 per month more than him. Almost double his contribution.
Is your car financed?