To expect partner to help with paying for food shops?

OP doesn't want to answer about money loaned/given but it's a no brainer for food: he contributes.

He pays for all his toiletries.

OP, if your daughter comes to you in 20 years and says that her boyfriend pays for some of the bills, none of his food, none of his toiletries, doesn’t have a car (but expects her to ferry him around, without contributing to fuel), asks to borrow money from her, and berates her for not having enough money to loan him…what would you say to her?

It’s crazy how so many men take the piss
and crazier still how women let them - especially ones that have a child.

Of course he should be paying towards the food bill on top of his £600 contribution to bills. Why should he eat for free? And he should also be paying something towards petrol etc at least.

I have a mate whose long term partner lives with his parents down the road but he spends most of his time at hers. He eats dinner with her everyday and often breakfast since he stays overnight usually.

It took her about 5 years to finally ask him to contribute towards the weekly food shopping and even then he did it grudgingly.

So much this!

Here’s an idea: any time he wants you to drive him somewhere, pull up your Uber app and type in the address. The cost of the journey is what he pays you. If he wants to benefit from your car, he needs to pay for it. Like you said, tyres and petrol aren’t cheap. If he doesn’t like it, he can: walk. take the bus. call an Uber. buy a car. ride a bike. call his mum for a ride.

This.
Why would you even ask if you're being unreasonable?! He's completely taking the piss and you're allowing him to.

Let us just look at the money for a second.

Firstly go onto entitledto.co.uk and see if you would be entitled to anything were he to leave.

You say he’s giving you £600 but once he’s out and you have your single person council tax discount, £150-200 a month less spent on food and toiletries for him, however much you spend on petrol, and all the borrowed never-to-be-seen again cash …. how much is it reeeeeally?

We’ve got to be smart but happiness is also a priority. Good luck OP ❤️

He is a cf

You don’t say how old your child is but he should pay at least 30% of the food shop cost, more if he has expensive tastes like Gilette razors, steak etc

Stop driving him to work. He should be paying at least a tank or two of petrol each month. (I’m assuming how far away his work is and it’s not antisocial times etc)

^^ These 2 things should save a few 100 and your time. He is massively taking advantage of you and you are allowing him to take money from your child. Wake up and don’t waste you future on this man. He has a fucking cheek telling you to cut down while spending your money.

He’s totally taking the piss! He can’t just pay the house bills. He’s eating the food/drink so he needs to pay £200-£300 more.

Hell would freeze over before I partnered with someone that wasn’t fair.

Tell him he’s right & you do need to cut down on things so from today, he needs to buy all his own food & toiletries.

Meant to add in your position I'd send him packing as I wouldn't be able to unsee his attitude and willingness to let you struggle whilst he is knowingly taking the mickey.

missed his borrowing money off of you. did he do this before he moved in too?

are you a gullible single parent desperate for a man, any man? please op, he is not it!

Charge him for use of the car as a passenger. And let him starve if HE is choosing not to pay for any of it.

Jesus, you've got yourself a cocklodger. I'd be sitting down and laying it all out. I can guarantee he'll say he shouldn't have to contribute towards your child's food. He's getting away with murder. It should be a 50:50 split given he's taking full advantage of your car too. Any less than that and I'd be rethinking the relationship.

Get him out. You'll get £500 a month from UC and not have to pay anything for his share of electric/food/petrol.

I was about to try and give you a way if calculating the cost per mile of your car... but no. If he doesn't pay at least 40% of the costs, he doesn't get in it. Ever.

And yes he pays 40-50% of EVERY food shop. Or you stop feeding him. And please stop buying his toiletries snacks etc. And stop lending him money. He really is taking you for a ride.

Look at it this way OP, every £1 you subsidise him by is £1 less you can spend or save for your child.

OP, your issue, as other wise posters have said, is you mixing 'household bills'.

1.Household bills to allow you and him in flat =. he then pays half of that. no ifs, no buts.

2.food bills for 3 of you =. he then pays 1/3 of that. it would be good if your kid's food can be easily separated from bill depending on its age.

3.lastly, you car costs incl fuel. this requires honesty from you, how much you drive him around for and discuss with him what you feel is fair.

did you move him in hoping you will be quids in?

why did you move him in? he clearly doesn't want to feed you and your daughter and that's his choice. just ask him to pay his food contribution.
@Lunluna09

He knows you’re struggling and he is not offering anything. You need to start saying, ‘I can’t afford that this month so I’m cutting back’ (his words) then don’t buy the food he likes or the extra petrol or the deodorant etc.

I never normally reply to this sort of thread because I assume they have to be fake.

The alternative - that there really are so many women this pathetic out there - is just depressing.

Sorry to be harsh if this is real, OP, but get a fucking grip and throw this pillock out.

And all the pp replying with complicated sums and ways of talking to this cocklodger also need to get a grip.

There is only one answer to this “dilemma”.

A grown man paying 600 quid a month for everything?!! Hes got it made! Even more so if you're the one cooking the food and doing his washing.

He's none too bright either cos if he'd just upped his amount a bit you'd have been happy with it. But now you're posting on here about it, you're onto him.

Why shouldn’t he pay for food?? Every adult is expected to pay for food. What’s so special about him?? What a tool.

My god, OP. You're being taken for a mug. As others have said already, don't buy his food/toiletries and don't lend him money and don't ferry him around everywhere. If he complains about that then ask yourself if you deserve better. The answer will be a resounding YES! If you find yourself swithering about it then get back here and re-read this thread till it sinks in.

Where was he living before that he thinks 600 is a fair price for rent, bills, food, cleaning supplies and toiletries?!

He's taking the piss, how can you be attracted to someone who doesnt pay their way and knowingly leaves you with nothing to fall back on? Especially when you have a child to consider! He is using you and you are letting him.

Get rid. Council tax + no more lifts + lower grocery bill + lower utilities + self respect means you'll be quids in.

questioning if hes right that he shouldn't need to pay for food.

Why the fuck does he think 'he shouldn't need to pay for food'? If he wants to eat he needs to pay for food.

It's hardly rocket science is it?

Get rid of him, OP. He's literally taking the food out of your child's mouth.

IOD course he should pay toward his food. Ill, what planet would he think he shouldn't. He wouldn't go out for a meal and not pay.

As for toiletries, of course he should pay for these. Again he's not use them in a shop and not pay.

As for putting petrol in the car - errr yes! He wouldn't expect to get a taxi and not pay would be.

Can you try ‘it’s your turn to pay this week’ ? that’s what I do, my husband does care but he also never thinks about the food that magically appears!!

also re the car, stop giving him lifts. And don’t be buying his toiletries either.

he does sound a bit rubbish though …