To expect partner to help with paying for food shops?

Whatever pittance he gives you is being clawed back, so he gives you nothing - what's he spending it on, beer, drugs, prossies....?
Get rid of this knobwomble or it'll get worse - my ex SIL's husband had a gambling problem, behind her back he remortgaged the house and spnkd it all away......
Don't be naive ....

You are funding an extra child, a free-loading Man Baby!

Boy, is he onto a good thing - telling you to cut down?!?!? This leech needs to go home to his Mum and see how long before she gets fed up of his constant 'take' and no intention to 'give'.

He's neither use nor ornament.

He sounds like an entitled shit. Ditch him and find someone more responsible and caring.

Is there any particular reason you split it equally in half when you earn more?

Baffled. Half of £1700 is £850 so he's not even paying half the bills, yet you earn the same and if he's paying £600, he has £1300 left a month to spend on whatever he likes. You buy all food, toiletries, petrol, car insurance, fix car & pay £1100 towards the bills, plus have a DD to worry about?? No wonder you are struggling. This guy has absolutely no clue what things cost...you need to write a budget out with him, showing him what things cost with a break down of his share (with admittedly less for petrol & less towards stuff for your daughter but he could chip in towards car insurance since you both use the car), then you say he has to start paying his share or you must separate as freeloading is a deal-breaker for you. Tell him if the half share isn't available on the next pay day he must move out, you then give him the one month eviction notice from that point...if he's not gone, put his stuff outside & change locks (if you rent, unless his name on tenancy, then no prob; if you own the home & he's not on deeds, then no prob)...he will soon learn the cost of living when he has to find somewhere to rent on his own. What is he spending the £1300 on that he then also needs to borrow from you? DD is way more important than this douche.

Dear Lunluna

Why do you allow this? You live together, he's your partner, you should be paying absolutely everything 50-50.
If he insists it's not his job to pay anything towards your child, you could agree a split 60-40. But he's the other earning adult of your shared household so he absolutely MUST start to carry his weight.

If he won't, he can move out. You're not responsible for floating a freeloader, sorry.

He's living the dream, £600 to cover all his bills, all his food, free access to a taxi, cook, personal shopper, delivery driver (and I suspect cleaner and clothes washer). Can i be your boyfriend? I can't understand these relationships at all, doesn't he WANT to help you and why would you be with someone who's not a team mate trying to make your life happier!? I think if he isn't contributing your only choice (other than to chuck him) is to bill him for every lift, refuse to buy or cook anything he hasn't paid for and basically go on financial strike unless he's paid for it. Honestly, 5 months of living together, you should be in the honeymoon period, this will only ever get worse and I think it's just not a nice relationship for you.

In all seriousness now, what are you doing with him?! You are not his mother! I honestly couldn't even look at a partner that treated me with such disrespect. He needs to pay up, or get out. I read a lot of stuff on here and rarely comment but I just can't leave this one and I really hope you see it. In fact. Show this to him:

You are not paying your fair share
She is not your mother
You don't get to decide what you contribute when your partner is struggling
Grow. Up.

I think he definitely will argue it, he already sees the car and her kid as her expenses not his

You are being taken for a total mug. Stop driving him around, completely. Stop paying for his food, do not just any of his toiletries etc. He is not your child, he is your partner, your 'equal'!

Your kindness is being taken advantage of and will do so as long as you allow it.
You are partners - you are not his mother.

Set your own financial boundaries and be clear that you feel you are contributing more to the household outgoings.

I dont know if this would help but my husband and I have worked out how much we put into our joint account each month based on a split percentage dependent on our earnings (this covers all our bills, car and food shop budget - all essentials).

We work this out by dividing your own salary by your combined salary

E.g my salary is £27,005 , my husbands is £39,000. Combined is £66,005.

27,005/66,005 = 0.41 = 41%.

Our household outgoings per month are - 1650.
41% of £1650 = 676.50.

It sounds like your percentage based on earnings would be close to 50/50. If you present this to him with facts and figures, he can’t argue as it’s worked out the most fair way.

i hope this helps and hopefully he will see the error of his ways. Unfortunately, he will continue to abuse your kindness until you’re willing to do something about it.

Well more fool you for buying all his groceries then.. why can't you tell him to now buy his own?

OP, do not have a child with him. Please don’t, he is not a keeper.

Not if she has hold of the credit card. I do with my partner and it works very well

oh, hell no. She will end up paying for half his hotel bill with his coworker or girl he met at the gym. Or his $30 lunches.

Is this really what we have become programmed to accept in this modern world of equality?! Laughable.
What is he actually bringing to the table here? Sounds like zero.
I’d Kick him out and aim a lot higher with my next partner!

That's a ridiculous spilt of expenses. I am not sure where you live but he would struggle to rent a room in a shared occupancy house including bills for £600 a month and that would be without food.

All household bills should be split 50/50 like rent/mortgage, electric, water, gas, broadband. Then each part for own cars and stop driving him round unless he gives you petrol money. Did to be split between the three of you and you pay two thirds if he wants to be picky about your child. This would lead to a much fairer split, teach him to budget better and free up some of your money for emergencies etc.

Hi there
You earn the same ish amount so ALL the things you BOTH use should be split in half. If you wish to stay with him, you need to get a credit card that is solely used for joint expenses....like:
Food
Rent
Bills
Petrol...yes...because he uses it too
Meals out unless one is treating the other
Takeaways
Anything else you have to share
At the end of the month, tell him he owes you £500 or whatever. If he doesn't have it, chuck him out. Or get him to get a credit card and you pay him half at the end of the month.

thanks for the belly laugh!

This.

Every day of the week and twice on Sunday!

Why on earth are you buying his deodorant fgs??? He's an adult and can pay for his own deodorant at the very very least.

But I 100% agree with @VeronicaMars2023's post above.

OP won't answer that

My husband and I both have 2 children from previous relationships we both pay half towards mortgage utilities and car . I pay for majority of the big food shops and fuel throughout the month my husband will do 1 food shop after pay day and buy bits throughout the month.
his older child has lived with us full time since end of last year (his other child comes every other weekend my 2 children are home 50% of the time ) we’re a team and if I told him I was struggling he would without question give me whatever money I asked for .

your partner knows you’re struggling and hasn’t offered any help at all he has shown you who he really is .

Also stop driving him everywhere until he steps up. You aren’t his mum.

he should absolutely contributing to food. Not really much else to say. You wouldn’t expect someone to fund feeding you, would you?

Ask him to be a partner not a freeloading lodger.

Yanbu. He eats the food you pay for. He uses the toiletries etc you pay for. He gets free rides in the car for which you pay the maintenance and petrol costs. If he can’t see this when explained to him then send him an itemised bill at the end of every month for every single slice of bread, sausage, tube of toothpaste and mileage costs for every time you’ve driven him so he can see exactly how much you’re paying for him.