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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be absolutely over life with genital herpes

163 replies

ChristmasGutPunch · 20/03/2024 14:26

Was diagnosed just before Christmas and since then the symptoms haven't stopped for a single day. Not one! Can't have sex with my partner. Can't concentrate on my job because of the constant tingling and sciatica. Can't enjoy a holiday or a film or a book. Mumsnet was so kind to me at the time and I had a lot of hope but the people who were fine again quickly are on another planet from me. The weirdest part is it's HSV1, which is supposed to be milder!

Tried to get a follow up appointment at the GUM clinic but they are booked out so I need to call back in April to see what's available. I know they can't offer me anything more anyway. I think it makes them uncomfortable having to see patients like me became it's obviously just a depressing case of hope for the best/get used to a reduced quality of life.

If this is what my life is going to be like now I don't think I can do it. I know sex is just one part of life but being unable to be spontaneously intimate or even reliably sit down comfortably is just torment.

What a shitty, tawdry, pointless, ridiculous thing to have ruined my life. I actually cannot believe this has happened. Feel like I've gone mad. And I can't believe people still have carefree sex when this stupid thing is out there. I suppose it's not that bad for most people.

What's my aibu? That I can't live with something that doesn't seem to bother most others that much, I suppose.

OP posts:
shorttwoshot · 20/03/2024 16:50

You have my total sympathy, the first few months were awful for me. I've been on aciclovir maintenance treatment for a few years now and it does generally keep it under control. I wonder whether it might be worth trying this again but giving it three + months to allow it chance to work?

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 20/03/2024 16:49

ChristmasGutPunch · 20/03/2024 16:45

Thanks. I was on them for six weeks and my doctor told me I was probably making it worse by stopping my body from building antibodies fast enough. I haven't felt at all different since I stopped them. Maybe should try again but it's horrible taking medication every day when it doesn't seem to do anything.

I’d speak to the sexual health clinic about it. DDs GP was well meaning but not massively helpful. It took a while before she was prescribed the 6 month course and it made a massive difference.

I know it’s horrible when it seems to be doing nothing, but sometimes it’s worth persevering on the chance that it will help.

ChristmasGutPunch · 20/03/2024 16:45

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 20/03/2024 16:43

How long did you have the antivirals for? One of my DDs had to have the antivirals daily for 6 months and it made a massive difference after the second month.

she was ready for giving on up them just before they started working.

Thanks. I was on them for six weeks and my doctor told me I was probably making it worse by stopping my body from building antibodies fast enough. I haven't felt at all different since I stopped them. Maybe should try again but it's horrible taking medication every day when it doesn't seem to do anything.

OP posts:
ChristmasGutPunch · 20/03/2024 16:44

No pants is absolutely the right move, though. Thank goodness tights season is coming to an end. Now if only the feeling of aching dread in my spine would go away.

OP posts:
YetMoreNewBeginnings · 20/03/2024 16:43

ChristmasGutPunch · 20/03/2024 14:52

I've tried antivirals and they don't work for me at all. I feel like screaming but I have to pretend to be fine so my family doesn't panic. It is like a waking nightmare.

How long did you have the antivirals for? One of my DDs had to have the antivirals daily for 6 months and it made a massive difference after the second month.

she was ready for giving on up them just before they started working.

ChristmasGutPunch · 20/03/2024 16:42

Thanks, I've honestly tried everything. Lysine several times a day. I know some people say it gets better after a year (but then no one seems to find it this awful in the first place!) so I guess all I can do is wait but it is no exaggeration to say this seems to have ruined my life so I don't understand why it isn't warned about more or taken at all seriously by doctors. I get that if they can't do anything they can't do anything but I wish they'd recognise the total body horror it is for some people. Plus the risk I'm presenting to anyone I might be intimate with for the rest of my life.

OP posts:
Previousreligion · 20/03/2024 16:41

You poor thing. Is it possible that you have an additional infection? I know of someone whose herpes wasn't seeming to clear (open sores had gone though) and they had BV and thrush on top.

Sorry if you've already tried this but the main thing that helped me was wearing skirts and going commando as much as possible. And sleeping naked or cotton nightie.

I really hope you get well soon.

Crunchymum · 20/03/2024 16:39

I am sorry to hear your plight OP, it sounds miserable.

There has to be something out there that can help? I imagine it's the last thing you want to do but you probably need to pester your GP and GUM clinic to find some respite for you. Keep going back, keep asking for ways to relieve your discomfort and pain.

Are there support groups out there? Forums / FB groups etc? Maybe other sufferers can share things that have truly helped them.

Boopeedoop · 20/03/2024 16:31

Try the supplement L-lysine. It's really good for coldsore breakouts.

Also salt baths may be soothing?

ChristmasGutPunch · 20/03/2024 14:53

I keep thinking "maybe after a month, maybe after two months, maybe after three months" but there has been no let up.

OP posts:
ChristmasGutPunch · 20/03/2024 14:52

I've tried antivirals and they don't work for me at all. I feel like screaming but I have to pretend to be fine so my family doesn't panic. It is like a waking nightmare.

OP posts:
StrawberryTwister · 20/03/2024 14:41

I've read threads on mumsnet where people really downplay herpes (genital) as if it's something you get once and never happens again but as a close relative suffers from it I know from them how often they get it at it's a constant thing for them so you are not alone they have to take medication daily and it's nothing like what I've heard described on here that it's a minor thing that happen once and never comes back again. It's really affected their life.

FlippityFloppityFlump · 20/03/2024 14:34

That sounds really tough to be having outbreaks for so long. Have you tried taking antivirals?
You can take them at first sign of an outbreak (first tingle or whatever you get first) but I believe you can also take them as a preventative thing if you are getting it often.

You can get it via super drug without needing to go to GP, you need to fill in forms and their GP looks at it

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