To want to leave London

Small towns can be dodgy af too, with less to do. Not that it's a reason for staying, or going. Sounds like you need to talk with your DH first and foremost to see how he feels about moving and weighing up all the pros and cons together.

I think there's London and then there's 'London.'

Regardless of which zone you live in, you can be living in heaven or hell depending on your postcode.

I lived in zone 2 when I was single and loved it, but London has changed an awful lot since then. The population has gone from 6.5 million to almost 10 million for a start.

There are very few areas that I consider to be London proper (as opposed to places like Bromley, Wimbledon, Bexleyheath and Kingston which are technically in London boroughs, but not really London) that I would feel comfortable bringing up a family. Even the really nice areas in zones 2 - 3 are all cheek by jowl with some seriously dodgy areas. Unless you can afford to go absolutely everywhere by Uber it's not worth the hassle. People are fucking feral these days.

If you own your place now, can you rent it out and then rent somewhere you think you'd like to live for 6-12 months?

I tried commuting into London (50 min journey) and it absolutely was not for me. It was tiring, prone to regular disruption, insanely expensive, and I always felt I was rushing to get to work and rushing to get back. And I only had to do it for three days a week.

Having a 50 min commute on regional rail with trains leaving mainline stations at half hour intervals is not the same as having a 40-50 min commute on the tube or bus regardless of what anyone says. If the train is cancelled, you're screwed and there's no alternative other than a 1.5 hour taxi ride. And that is scary when you have kids to pick up/ be back for.

I was beyond happy to move back to London.

London can be a great place for teens. Independent travelling from age 12 ish on tubes and buses. Lots of free stuff going on. My kids had a ball. I gently pushed them to go to university outside of London and both are having a ball. But both are also determined to return to London to work once graduated somehow as they love ‘their’ city!

But you need to be happy too.

You'll never know what the right decision is, and there is no right answer as you'll only have the path you've chosen as an experience, rather than the other option to compare it to. If you can get more of what is important to you out of London, and that outweighs the benefits of staying then that's good enough, it doesn't have to be perfect.

If you're going to do it, do it while the kids are in primary, secondary is a different ballgame somehow. OH is central London born and bred, left, and you can't hardly get him back for a visit now, much to my disgruntlement! Would definitely not move back despite all his family still being central.

With a child in Year 5 you'll need to move quickly to get a good secondary state place. And I'd be cautious about moving to grammar areas as the dcs there could have been tutored for 2 years already by this point. If you don't manage to move before secondary school application close, then trying to move into a good school area might be pointless as you'd only get a place if other dcs leave, which is unlikely in a sought after school.

We are in London zone 2 and I think it's a wonderful place to raise our dcs. But we are fortunate enough to afford a large enough house here, private schools and all the fun activities on offer.

Does he want to leave too? I'm in Zone 3 and would love to be closer in, but as I have my daughter still at home (and four pets) need the space and garden I have. It's a good compromise though - close enough to commute in without extra cost (my daughter is at college more centrally), but leafy.
I'd do a lot of thinking before taking the plunge.

This opens you up to anywhere, really.

Yeah, but you don't need to drive either. We only drive if we're going away from London.

My DH moved high schools and state (he's an American) when he was 16 and it was awful for him.

OP do you both have driving licences? I’ve met people from London who don’t…would be necessary nearly everywhere outside of London.

Depends where you move to, Kent is on the Grammar school system, which makes it harder if you want to access the most academically outstanding schools

It's not terrible, but seeing as you can avoid it, makes much better sense to do it before the secondary applications for your eldest. Nothing is likely to change if you wait, except that your DS will get into the 'not decent' secondary there and then have to take pot luck of what's available in the area you move to. The only reason to delay is if you don't really want to move and will be reassured when he's in that secondary that it's actually fine and you're happy to stay put.

I'd move now. Primary ages.

I moved out of London to Oxfordshire
Commutable to Marylebone on the Chiltern line.

Found a lovely market town with the station a mile away. Great schools.
Moved out here when DD14 was 2.

'where did you go?'

Hampshire. Far enough for the air to be cleaner and the house prices to be slightly more sane. But still on a 45 minute train ride in to Waterloo when needed.

There are lots of places within about 45 min of central London. Maybe go for some day trips over the Easter weekend. You will want to move fairly quickly though if you are going to be in place for yr7 applications in October. Consider whether you want to be in a grammar school area or not and any deadlines for registering for 11 plus.

How does your dh feel about a longer commute, or can he change jobs

Pretend you've moved. Where? What's better or worse?

For example, if husband keeps his job, what dies hat commute look like? Can you work around that? Will you feel isolated or like he isnt pulling his weight if you have to do mornings and evenings as he is commuting?