To want to leave London

Where I live in Essex we have a lot of incoming Londoners. Probably be invaded by more now they got the Elizabeth line going as far as Shenfield

Do you still live where you grew up

Where does your dh have to commute to and what would your budget be?

Lived in Z2 & Z3 London 30+ years, we adored the place and still do, but in our mid 50s we were fed up with the general ASB/dickheadeness that we used to find sort of edgy and 'Londony'. Got a nice shock when the house got valued, sold up and moved to very pleasant small town up North.

Loving it. Don't miss London at all.

Okay so you've got lots of examples of how it's been done and where to potentially move where you'll know someone. Have you visited any of them? Caught up on how they're feeling? As they've all moved, have you and DH discussed doing the same?

I think living in London if you don’t love it must be tough. The cost, the crowds etc. I absolutely adore it here, as do my kids. So we can cope with the negatives. Everyone will have their own pros/cons list and it’s very personal.

We lived in London for 20 years (zone 3, nice enough area with great primaries, however no real secondary options).

We decided to make a big move north when DC were in reception and nursery, but many of our friends moved out to more affordable areas with easy access to London. There's a group on Facebook called Life after London which has lots of ideas.

I think it depends which part. Where we live in N London just outside zone 2 feels very safe. It’s not super posh or very poor which is probably the best balance. Friends who live in wealthy areas like Primrose Hill and Hampstead experience more burglaries.

Sorry, the above post was a quote fail.

I meant to respond to the OP saying:

We both have driving licences. I don't love driving though...

Left London for the coast and never regretted. There are obvious benefits, but what stands out the most to me is how everything from getting nails done to car valet is almost half the cost. Nicest cocktails in our area (with literal gold leaf) are £13, happy hour two for £8. Last time we went to London for a show it was £20 per cocktail, eek!

That's because you live in London though. Move much further out and you'll find it a different experience altogether. So long as you don't move to Birmingham, obvs.

Btw we did this whole thing when the kids were younger than yours, but ended up staying (in zone 4) with no regrets. We mainly looked around Sussex - Horsham, Brighton etc. but it wasn't worth it when we factored in travel costs and aggro, plus we actually got more for our money in London than Brighton because it was so hard to get a decent garden down there without paying £££. There are cheaper options of course, Essex is worth a look if that direction suits, but as I say, it's not a big money-saver unless you make a big move to truly detach from London environs.

Moving when they are young is easier. I left London when dd was born for ex's work reasons, never have gone back. My parents wondered if I would return after my marriage broke down but I just don't like it any more. I live 100m from the beach, major city 20 minutes by car, 2 hrs door to door to Oxford Circus if I so desire, but it's rare. If he needs to be on the office 2-3 days a week I would look at commutes no longer than 90 mins including getting to and from the station, not just the train ride

Those are all lovely and highly desirable areas still very handy for commuting though. Same with places like Chislehurst, Sevenoaks etc. There are plenty of really lovely areas further out, with a longer commute that are more affordable and likewise there are plenty of places nearer to London that are not quite so desirable which offer a good commute, but far less chi-chi surroundings.

Well yes because a lot of people have felt like you and that dream costs a lot - of proximity for London for work/the upsides but having all the comforts of a smaller non-London setting. To really pay less for a bigger property, you have to go much further or compromise on niceness of area and transport links. Definitely good to look around and give the idea of moving much more context. You may find you're better off where you are, but all depends on your budget and how badly you want to move.

Why not plan a few weekends out and about exploring, see if you like some of the smaller market towns or villages. Before you start house hunting proper. You can get a train to Sevenoaks, grab a coffee, walk up to knole park which is at the top of the high street (and the park is free) then head back into town for a lunch. Then pick another town a few weeks later. Just see if these places are for you- could you see yourself living there?

worth it before you waste time wandering round houses- or trying to convince your DP.

Depends on the clubs, can't assume you'll have as much choice unless it's a biggish town/city. Plus if you're feeling worn down as the 'endless' implies, it won't be easier having to drive them around more out of London where there's generally less good public transport. My DC don't even go to clubs as they're gamers so they 'use' London very little, but me and DH use it a lot. Is there a reason you don't want to or is it solely about the cost? Does DH feel that way? Have to say, it gets a lot easier when they're teens and you have more freedom.

Yep, people seemed to be getting more fucking feral by the day. So feral in fact I’ve just left London after more than 40 years there. It’s quiet, the people are friendly, it has the lowest crime-rate in the UK, low unemployment, beautiful scenery, the lot. It’s bliss

I moved from London to Bucks in the summer holidays after year 5 and dc1 started at a new school for year 6. There were quite a few new students and a good percentage went to the same secondary school. It was good not to have to worry about secondary school admissions because we moved in plenty of time.

You can move once the kids are in secondary but you might not get into a good school and there might be a longer awkward commute for your children in different directions. My kids walk 20 minutes to school and there’s lots of others who walk in the same direction so it became a good social thing.