Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my parents for financial help

589 replies

concernedchild · 20/03/2024 08:47

I'm 24, I live at home (I know this will attract a lot of criticism but I cannot afford to move out).

I earn £1300 a month after tax etc.

After saving for professional exams (I have to pay for them, I get no help from work) I'm left with £650 per month. Of this I have to pay for uni, all my own expenses and travel to work, as well as other savings.

I'm left with about £75 at the end of each month. From this £75 I contribute what I can to the house but it's not a lot. I feel like a failure. If my friends ask to meet up I have to say no because I can't afford it.

Travel alone is £200 per month. I can't make it any cheaper. Uni is £100 per month. My expenses aren't extravagant - I'm paying for my uni course, my phone, Spotify etc., I'm not spending hundreds on my nails or getting sun beds or anything like that.

I want to approach my parents and ask for some help with the exams but I feel like a total failure for even having to ask. The plan when I moved in after uni was for me to save up and move out, but I had to move company and took a pay cut. I can't relocate my job (I'm on a training contract and I'm unlikely to get another one).

I feel like I'm sinking. I'm working for basically nothing, I can't afford to grab a coffee on my lunch break or even go out at the weekends. I'm trying my hardest to get by but it's having such an effect on me mentally that I feel like giving up and quitting my job all together to find something in a supermarket that's better paid.

Am I being unreasonable to ask them for help? I don't expect them to say yes, I'm expecting them to say no, but I feel like I'm at my wits end. I don't see a point in anything because I feel like I'm wasting my time working and not getting anywhere financially, I feel like I'm behind my peers and I just can't do it anymore

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
Original poster
concernedchild · 20/03/2024 20:06

@HorsesDuvets I'm definitely getting myself a foundation in the right colour 🤣 a few little treats but I'm going to stick to being mostly sensible

OP posts:
OdeToBarney · 20/03/2024 20:00

Myotheripodisayoto · 20/03/2024 09:03

Im confused about your sums.

If its a first degree you should be able to access student finance.

If its the law school part after the degree, you are supposed to get a training contract and the firm pay the law school costs.

If no one was willing to give you a training contract, you've taken a huge risk paying the fees without the employment. If you've agreed to a training contract without them funding your LPC you are a fool, easily parted from your money.

There are too many law students around, the good ones who will survive, are not paying for their LPC themselves.

I self-funded the LPC. I'd applied for vac schemes and TCs for 2 years with no luck. Once I'd done the LPC, I got offered a TC with a magic circle firm AND got my fees repaid.

I'm now a mid-senior lawyer in the city, earning very decent money.

You know nothing about law. You're also extremely rude.

Sillypede · 20/03/2024 19:58

concernedchild · 20/03/2024 08:47

I'm 24, I live at home (I know this will attract a lot of criticism but I cannot afford to move out).

I earn £1300 a month after tax etc.

After saving for professional exams (I have to pay for them, I get no help from work) I'm left with £650 per month. Of this I have to pay for uni, all my own expenses and travel to work, as well as other savings.

I'm left with about £75 at the end of each month. From this £75 I contribute what I can to the house but it's not a lot. I feel like a failure. If my friends ask to meet up I have to say no because I can't afford it.

Travel alone is £200 per month. I can't make it any cheaper. Uni is £100 per month. My expenses aren't extravagant - I'm paying for my uni course, my phone, Spotify etc., I'm not spending hundreds on my nails or getting sun beds or anything like that.

I want to approach my parents and ask for some help with the exams but I feel like a total failure for even having to ask. The plan when I moved in after uni was for me to save up and move out, but I had to move company and took a pay cut. I can't relocate my job (I'm on a training contract and I'm unlikely to get another one).

I feel like I'm sinking. I'm working for basically nothing, I can't afford to grab a coffee on my lunch break or even go out at the weekends. I'm trying my hardest to get by but it's having such an effect on me mentally that I feel like giving up and quitting my job all together to find something in a supermarket that's better paid.

Am I being unreasonable to ask them for help? I don't expect them to say yes, I'm expecting them to say no, but I feel like I'm at my wits end. I don't see a point in anything because I feel like I'm wasting my time working and not getting anywhere financially, I feel like I'm behind my peers and I just can't do it anymore

As a parent of a 24 year old, I know how tough it is. Just ask for help, it's what we're here for.

firstimemumconcerns · 20/03/2024 19:58

OP I have no idea why everyone is being so harsh!!

I have a few solicitor friends and some barristers. The ones who qualified easily were from wealthy backgrounds - dad’s a PwC partner so got them an internship with the law dept in house blah blah. You’ve done so well to get a TC. My friends are still doing their LPC and have got a funded scheme at the age of 30. They live with their parents and they would borrow money if they had to and that’s just how it is.

You should be proud of what you’re doing. It’s hard getting these jobs and once you qualify you’ll have so many amazing opportunities.

Hope it works out and good luck!

behindher · 20/03/2024 19:56

Virtually everyone I know with comfortable-financially parents were supported through studies heavily.

LT1982 · 20/03/2024 19:53

Myotheripodisayoto · 20/03/2024 09:03

Im confused about your sums.

If its a first degree you should be able to access student finance.

If its the law school part after the degree, you are supposed to get a training contract and the firm pay the law school costs.

If no one was willing to give you a training contract, you've taken a huge risk paying the fees without the employment. If you've agreed to a training contract without them funding your LPC you are a fool, easily parted from your money.

There are too many law students around, the good ones who will survive, are not paying for their LPC themselves.

This is a rather patronising post.

Not all firms pay for the professional qualification, in fact it is quite rare so it's not what the OP is "supposed" to do.

She's also not a "fool" for undertaking her TC without her SQE being paid for. A lot of people only get a TC after the post grad course.

Not a single one of my uni friends had our LPC (as it was then) paid for by a firm, and majority didn't have a TC when starting the LPC. None of us are fools and 20 years on we all have our qualifications and legal careers so good students often do pay for their SQE themselves.

You either qualified as a solicitor a long time ago and are out of touch or if you're not a solicitor you have no idea of what is actually involved

Daisy12Maisie · 20/03/2024 19:52

I would want my children to tell me and I would consider it a joint problem and help if I could. At least talk to your parents and see if they will help.

HorsesDuvets · 20/03/2024 19:47

concernedchild · 20/03/2024 19:21

My dad said exactly that!! This does also mean I can get a small sum into my house ISA, not much but some

Show quote history

That's great, regarding the isa, but do make sure to prioritise looking after yourself with a few treats and experiences.

I remember trying so hard to save for a house deposit when I was studying part-time and working full-time at the start of my career (not law).

The amount I was managing to save at that point was woeful in reality, and a few years later when I was earning more than double the salary it felt like I'd struggled for little benefit, since I then had over 20(!) times as much spare that I could save from each month.

Just worth bearing in mind while you're still waiting to start earning properly.

Anyway, I'm so pleased to hear your parents have been able to give you the cushion you needed to de-stress a bit!

TheOnlyAletheia · 20/03/2024 19:46

So glad that it’s sorted 🙂

Bonbonnes · 20/03/2024 19:42

Just ask them. If it was my child working and studying I’d be happy to help if i could afford it. Maybe offer to pay them back when you get a better job, which you will once you’re qualified.

LT1982 · 20/03/2024 19:41

Don't know how to edit post....but asking for help doesn't make you a failure whatsoever, not many people could self fund such a high course fee on a single wage

LT1982 · 20/03/2024 19:39

concernedchild · 20/03/2024 08:47

I'm 24, I live at home (I know this will attract a lot of criticism but I cannot afford to move out).

I earn £1300 a month after tax etc.

After saving for professional exams (I have to pay for them, I get no help from work) I'm left with £650 per month. Of this I have to pay for uni, all my own expenses and travel to work, as well as other savings.

I'm left with about £75 at the end of each month. From this £75 I contribute what I can to the house but it's not a lot. I feel like a failure. If my friends ask to meet up I have to say no because I can't afford it.

Travel alone is £200 per month. I can't make it any cheaper. Uni is £100 per month. My expenses aren't extravagant - I'm paying for my uni course, my phone, Spotify etc., I'm not spending hundreds on my nails or getting sun beds or anything like that.

I want to approach my parents and ask for some help with the exams but I feel like a total failure for even having to ask. The plan when I moved in after uni was for me to save up and move out, but I had to move company and took a pay cut. I can't relocate my job (I'm on a training contract and I'm unlikely to get another one).

I feel like I'm sinking. I'm working for basically nothing, I can't afford to grab a coffee on my lunch break or even go out at the weekends. I'm trying my hardest to get by but it's having such an effect on me mentally that I feel like giving up and quitting my job all together to find something in a supermarket that's better paid.

Am I being unreasonable to ask them for help? I don't expect them to say yes, I'm expecting them to say no, but I feel like I'm at my wits end. I don't see a point in anything because I feel like I'm wasting my time working and not getting anywhere financially, I feel like I'm behind my peers and I just can't do it anymore

Not unreasonable to ask. Even if it was a loan from your parents to help with course fees to be repaid when you qualify and earn more.

It's a lot of pressure to pay the fees fully from wages. Is there no professional loan scheme available, even if you saved half and borrowed half?

You still need to have a life while working and studying! If it's the LPC/SQE course I don't know anyone who self funded the entire course so don't pressure yourself

oakleaffy · 20/03/2024 19:36

coxesorangepippin · 20/03/2024 18:32

You live at home

Your parents are wealthy

You're studying to be a solicitor

Yes, you can ask them for money.

Not rocket science.

@concernedchild This.... But I understand exactly how you feel.

My siblings were helped out lots...I wasn't.

Be brave.

Fortune favours the brave!

LT1982 · 20/03/2024 19:35

TigBitss · 20/03/2024 08:52

It's £7800 a year for your exams?

Sounds like shes a trainee solicitor and if so yes that is the cost of the course

Runnerinthenight · 20/03/2024 19:35

@concernedchild I have to say, I really admire how you have held back from asking your parents for help, but I am glad you have done it! I think though most parents will help if they can.

I feel like I'm never getting rid of my kids lol! Even when they go away they come back! One of them is studying in a European uni and has zero funding. It's all from the bank of mum and dad. We do send money for small treats and there's 2 concerts coming up that we will have to fund plane fares for. Easter trip home cost £250. Monthly rent alone is £450. One is living at home paying a pittance while saving for a house deposit, and one is half way through uni, still living at home, and obviously not paying us.

They are not as reticent towards seeking help as you are, and we don't have thousands in the bank!

scaredofthefuture2024 · 20/03/2024 19:30

Really pleased with the outcome op! Good luck with your exams and qualifications.

Helpisso · 20/03/2024 19:27

That’s great news OP. I did the same for my daughter.As a Mum of adults there are so many problems we cannot solve for them so I was just happy that I could help in a constructive way.

TheFancyPoet · 20/03/2024 19:25

I was worried why would you feel such shame asking your well off parents for money. In my country the money the parents earn , especially when they earn a lot, is shared to the kids, or at least to the first born or the one who is the favourite let's say.

JanefromLondon1 · 20/03/2024 19:24

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns.

Sundew44 · 20/03/2024 19:23

So pleased it is sorted 🥰

Original poster
concernedchild · 20/03/2024 19:21

Montelukast · 20/03/2024 19:19

I hope you get this sorted <3 please know it will be really worth it when you qualify <3 also, you still deserve nice things as you are working hard.
I’m sure your parents will understand and want to support you as you have a very clear and sensible approach to borrowing money and paying it back.
please be a bit kinder to yourself, you are not a failure and you’ve already come so far :)
I don’t work in the same industry but worked minimum wage training, which was really hard but so worth it for the salary I have now I’m qualified ! you will look back and laugh you ever worried about spending money on a coffee - promise !!!!
xxx

My dad said exactly that!! This does also mean I can get a small sum into my house ISA, not much but some

OP posts:
Original poster
concernedchild · 20/03/2024 19:20

@eatreadsleeprepeat I say down and gave a whole SPEECH I had prepared in my notes app, talking through repayment and interest blah blah and my dad just went "we don't expect you to start paying it back until you've qualified, if ever, this is from us to you"

Safe to say I'm VERY relieved and I have a savings buffer now, and I will be putting aside an amount equal to what I have repaid into a high yield savings account to have a lump sum ready to give back to them 😂

OP posts:
Montelukast · 20/03/2024 19:19

I hope you get this sorted <3 please know it will be really worth it when you qualify <3 also, you still deserve nice things as you are working hard.
I’m sure your parents will understand and want to support you as you have a very clear and sensible approach to borrowing money and paying it back.
please be a bit kinder to yourself, you are not a failure and you’ve already come so far :)
I don’t work in the same industry but worked minimum wage training, which was really hard but so worth it for the salary I have now I’m qualified ! you will look back and laugh you ever worried about spending money on a coffee - promise !!!!
xxx

Huskysf · 20/03/2024 19:18

concernedchild · 20/03/2024 19:10

@6pence they said exactly that and they said my brothers have had much more!!

I am delighted for you! This is lovely news and you sound like you can breathe a little now and make some plans with friends as you should be doing- please enjoy your concert and your £2.70 coffee guilt free.

ignore the haters xxx big hugs OP

Tahinii · 20/03/2024 19:18

concernedchild · 20/03/2024 18:47

So they've gifted it to me and my worries were totally ridiculous

Worries are not always rational.

I am really pleased for you and I’m sure they only want to se you succeed and not work yourself into a state.

I think you deserve to enjoy your summer plans too! Life is short, enjoy. Sounds like you work hard and save hard.

Swipe left for the next trending thread