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Original poster

To ask my parents for financial help

589 replies

concernedchild · 20/03/2024 08:47

I'm 24, I live at home (I know this will attract a lot of criticism but I cannot afford to move out).

I earn £1300 a month after tax etc.

After saving for professional exams (I have to pay for them, I get no help from work) I'm left with £650 per month. Of this I have to pay for uni, all my own expenses and travel to work, as well as other savings.

I'm left with about £75 at the end of each month. From this £75 I contribute what I can to the house but it's not a lot. I feel like a failure. If my friends ask to meet up I have to say no because I can't afford it.

Travel alone is £200 per month. I can't make it any cheaper. Uni is £100 per month. My expenses aren't extravagant - I'm paying for my uni course, my phone, Spotify etc., I'm not spending hundreds on my nails or getting sun beds or anything like that.

I want to approach my parents and ask for some help with the exams but I feel like a total failure for even having to ask. The plan when I moved in after uni was for me to save up and move out, but I had to move company and took a pay cut. I can't relocate my job (I'm on a training contract and I'm unlikely to get another one).

I feel like I'm sinking. I'm working for basically nothing, I can't afford to grab a coffee on my lunch break or even go out at the weekends. I'm trying my hardest to get by but it's having such an effect on me mentally that I feel like giving up and quitting my job all together to find something in a supermarket that's better paid.

Am I being unreasonable to ask them for help? I don't expect them to say yes, I'm expecting them to say no, but I feel like I'm at my wits end. I don't see a point in anything because I feel like I'm wasting my time working and not getting anywhere financially, I feel like I'm behind my peers and I just can't do it anymore

OP posts:
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8
No3sept14 · 21/03/2024 00:05

concernedchild · 20/03/2024 08:47

I'm 24, I live at home (I know this will attract a lot of criticism but I cannot afford to move out).

I earn £1300 a month after tax etc.

After saving for professional exams (I have to pay for them, I get no help from work) I'm left with £650 per month. Of this I have to pay for uni, all my own expenses and travel to work, as well as other savings.

I'm left with about £75 at the end of each month. From this £75 I contribute what I can to the house but it's not a lot. I feel like a failure. If my friends ask to meet up I have to say no because I can't afford it.

Travel alone is £200 per month. I can't make it any cheaper. Uni is £100 per month. My expenses aren't extravagant - I'm paying for my uni course, my phone, Spotify etc., I'm not spending hundreds on my nails or getting sun beds or anything like that.

I want to approach my parents and ask for some help with the exams but I feel like a total failure for even having to ask. The plan when I moved in after uni was for me to save up and move out, but I had to move company and took a pay cut. I can't relocate my job (I'm on a training contract and I'm unlikely to get another one).

I feel like I'm sinking. I'm working for basically nothing, I can't afford to grab a coffee on my lunch break or even go out at the weekends. I'm trying my hardest to get by but it's having such an effect on me mentally that I feel like giving up and quitting my job all together to find something in a supermarket that's better paid.

Am I being unreasonable to ask them for help? I don't expect them to say yes, I'm expecting them to say no, but I feel like I'm at my wits end. I don't see a point in anything because I feel like I'm wasting my time working and not getting anywhere financially, I feel like I'm behind my peers and I just can't do it anymore

You should be so very proud of yourself. You’re doing so well and making amazing choices to secure a great future as a solicitor. It’s so sad that your company offer no assistance with this.

Speak to your parents. If you were my child, I’d pay your exams if I were able to. Likewise, my parents never said no to paying for quals.

Find a way but DO NOT quit your job. You’ll get there and the way you will have achieved it, to me, will make you infinitely more employable and mature than 90% of your peers.

x

Original poster
concernedchild · 20/03/2024 23:29

@StormingNorman unfortunately I took sick leave in the latter half of Feb so this month is a bit weak (that's what brought on my original panic) but I did treat myself to a lipstick and concealer 🤣

OP posts:
BellaVita · 20/03/2024 22:42

🎉👏🏻 well done OP

Mustreadabook · 20/03/2024 22:38

concernedchild · 20/03/2024 22:30

@Mustreadabook they don't even want repayments till I qualify. I've got lucky and I fully intend to ensure I put money aside each month to treat them like they deserve

Thats great. I wonder if they were worried you would be insulted if they offered! I hope you can relax a bit now!

Lovemybunnies · 20/03/2024 22:33

I’m a solicitor and my parents paid my mortgage when I did my LPC and training contract. I’m really pleased for you. I wish you all the best in your exams.

Mustreadabook · 20/03/2024 22:32

concernedchild · 20/03/2024 14:58

I used my overdraft, my dad paid it off for me once. They would send me the money to come home at the end of term

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The government expects them to top up your loan to the maximum loan level because their earnings have been assessed as them being able to pay that, hence you not getting the loan.

StormingNorman · 20/03/2024 22:32

Congrats on the outcome. You sound so lovely I was hoping they could gift it to you. Enjoy the rest of your training and your first month’s decent salary! Your are so committed, you can only be a success x

Original poster
concernedchild · 20/03/2024 22:30

@Mustreadabook they don't even want repayments till I qualify. I've got lucky and I fully intend to ensure I put money aside each month to treat them like they deserve

OP posts:
Mustreadabook · 20/03/2024 22:26

concernedchild · 20/03/2024 13:41

To those who don't think I'm being a spoilt little brat by asking for this, is this repayment schedule okay? I've put it to my parents that I'll pay on this schedule with two payments of interest - midway through the loan and at the end, which amount to 15% of the total loan

I understand paying interest so you are not taking advantage of your parents, but I was just looking for an ISA to put money in and the max interest I could get was 4.2%. How long are ypu paying over? Dont pay more than they would get in the bank.

SheepAndSword · 20/03/2024 22:22

Brilliant! Here's to a great future 🥂

RetirementIsGreat · 20/03/2024 22:20

If you were my child and going the uni, I would give you money. If you insisted on a loan it would be no interest. That is non-negotiable. I would take the repayment and put it in a separate account and gift them back the money when they move out. My parents would just give me the money if I needed for something and would be very upset if I tried to pay them back.

Glitterybee · 20/03/2024 22:20

OP I’m delighted for you ❤️

you sound like a brilliant daughter and I’m sure you’re parents are more than happy to help you.

StormingNorman · 20/03/2024 22:14

DriftingDora · 20/03/2024 17:25

You can think I'm trying to swindle my parents out of £5k, but I'm not.

Er, where exactly did I say this? Please tell me - but of course you won't be able to, because I didn't. 🙄

If you are training to be a solicitor, you will be asked much more searching questions by the other side, so it might be an idea not to jump to wrong conclusions or put words in people's mouths. That won't end well.

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Good one. You win.

DillDanding · 20/03/2024 22:05

24, studying and living at home? If you were our daughter, you wouldn’t have to ask. We’d be giving you as much financial help as you need.

Viviennemary · 20/03/2024 22:03

You will just have to wait till you pass your exams and earn more. You are quite young to be financially independent living on your own. Be patient.

BotterMon · 20/03/2024 22:02

Great outcome! It's not a sign of weakness to ask for help. I'll bet your parents had no idea of the situation and are delighted to be able to help you.

Good luck with the rest of your training and the future as fully fledged.

XelaM · 20/03/2024 21:51

MrsJaneIsTheName · 20/03/2024 21:45

Even if they were a “fool” do you have to constantly say it.?
I’m not agreeing with this conclusion, by the way, just pointing out how unproductive it is.

Unpleasantness.

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@Myotheripodisayoto You're the one who sounds like the fool. Do you know how unbelievably hard it is to secure at TC?!? It's extremely(!) rare for any firm outside the large international firms to sponsor the LPC. You clearly don't know what you are talking about.

Runnerinthenight · 20/03/2024 21:50

concernedchild · 20/03/2024 20:14

@Runnerinthenight bless you for helping your kids! I felt awful asking for help but my dad summed it up in that it's less than any of my siblings have had and it's a really good cause

Our kids didn't ask to be brought into the world - that was our choice! I will always do whatever I am able to do to help and support them. I'm so glad your parents also have that mindset. The very best of luck with your studies and your career!

DC2 is trying to make it in an extremely difficult field, and all of her course mates are loaded. We have faith in their talents! x

Runnerinthenight · 20/03/2024 21:45

brightyellowflower · 20/03/2024 21:27

It's like reading 17 pages of not living in the real world.

Well you clearly exist in a different universe!!

MrsJaneIsTheName · 20/03/2024 21:45

Myotheripodisayoto · 20/03/2024 09:17

As I said - you are a fool for taking a TC that isn't paying your fees. You will likely find they don't have a job for you when the TC ends.

If you are only bringing in 1,300 on a TC they are paying you barely more than min wage. What the hell law firm is this?

Even if they were a “fool” do you have to constantly say it.?
I’m not agreeing with this conclusion, by the way, just pointing out how unproductive it is.

Unpleasantness.

Runnerinthenight · 20/03/2024 21:43

JockTamsonsBairns · 20/03/2024 21:18

I wouldn't always be so "sure" I'm afraid.

I don't have much money, but I would give my adult DC the shirt off my back if needed.

My PiL's are the wealthiest people I've ever known - they own 14 BTL properties outright in London, and live in a £2.5m house...

4 years ago, my DH lost his job unexpectedly.

We had to move house into a rental. My DD's dance fees were due, and we couldn't afford the £45. I asked DH to ask his mum if she would help, given that it's her granddaughter, and that we would repay.
DH was reluctant, he said that she wouldn't help. I didn't believe him, so I asked her myself.

DH was right, she said no.
Apparently, we were "living beyond our means", so 8yo DD had to leave her dance class.

DH had a new job 5 weeks later, but it was a real eye-opener how some parents just won't help with costs temporarily - even when it's their grandchildren.

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What horrible people! I can't believe that someone so wealthy would care so little about their grandchildren!

I wouldn't forget!

Original poster
concernedchild · 20/03/2024 21:43

Britpop123 · 20/03/2024 21:42

Great update op

and you’re doing brilliantly. Working hard, self funding, it’ll all pay off for you in the future and please ignore those snippy posters who are making out you’ve done it wrong.

Thank you ❤️

OP posts:
Original poster
concernedchild · 20/03/2024 21:42

Lavenderflower · 20/03/2024 21:33

I have not read all the post but I am assuming you are studying for law - if my daughter was in this situation, I would happily help out. There is not harm asking for support. I think most parents would support their children trying to better themselves if they could afford it.

Yep it's law 🥲

My parents have agreed to help and it's such a weight off my shoulders ❤️

OP posts:
Britpop123 · 20/03/2024 21:42

Great update op

and you’re doing brilliantly. Working hard, self funding, it’ll all pay off for you in the future and please ignore those snippy posters who are making out you’ve done it wrong.

XelaM · 20/03/2024 21:41

OP - don't give up and stick with it! I took whatever TC I could get at the dodgiest high street firm that never even paid me on time and when they did it was the absolute minimum (I think around £19K p/a at the time). It was awful, but I stuck with it, left the firm as soon as I qualified and made a career in the City. I'm now on £150K plus bonuses at one of the big international City firms. Don't give up. Your financial issues are only temporary and your earning potential very high.

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