Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my parents for financial help

589 replies

concernedchild · 20/03/2024 08:47

I'm 24, I live at home (I know this will attract a lot of criticism but I cannot afford to move out).

I earn £1300 a month after tax etc.

After saving for professional exams (I have to pay for them, I get no help from work) I'm left with £650 per month. Of this I have to pay for uni, all my own expenses and travel to work, as well as other savings.

I'm left with about £75 at the end of each month. From this £75 I contribute what I can to the house but it's not a lot. I feel like a failure. If my friends ask to meet up I have to say no because I can't afford it.

Travel alone is £200 per month. I can't make it any cheaper. Uni is £100 per month. My expenses aren't extravagant - I'm paying for my uni course, my phone, Spotify etc., I'm not spending hundreds on my nails or getting sun beds or anything like that.

I want to approach my parents and ask for some help with the exams but I feel like a total failure for even having to ask. The plan when I moved in after uni was for me to save up and move out, but I had to move company and took a pay cut. I can't relocate my job (I'm on a training contract and I'm unlikely to get another one).

I feel like I'm sinking. I'm working for basically nothing, I can't afford to grab a coffee on my lunch break or even go out at the weekends. I'm trying my hardest to get by but it's having such an effect on me mentally that I feel like giving up and quitting my job all together to find something in a supermarket that's better paid.

Am I being unreasonable to ask them for help? I don't expect them to say yes, I'm expecting them to say no, but I feel like I'm at my wits end. I don't see a point in anything because I feel like I'm wasting my time working and not getting anywhere financially, I feel like I'm behind my peers and I just can't do it anymore

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
Original poster
concernedchild · 20/03/2024 10:53

TrickyD · 20/03/2024 10:48

Of course you should ask your parents for help. I can’t believe the number of mean parents on here who would not help a child in your position. Good luck.

My dad's response was (in the context of me feeling bad for asking)

"Don't be daft! You're not asking for money for drugs and it was a well thought out message"

We're talking tonight so hopefully it will be positive

OP posts:
Original poster
concernedchild · 20/03/2024 10:50

@Mrsttcno1 the alternative is me not working or not having a career!! Sounds like you want everyone else to struggle because you did

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 20/03/2024 10:49

concernedchild · 20/03/2024 10:30

@Mrsttcno1 as I explained. I was in a different position when I started the course. The firm I was at had to close, unexpectedly, and I was thrown into a position of having to take whatever TC I could get or not go into the career I love.

And again, that’s your choice!

TrickyD · 20/03/2024 10:48

Of course you should ask your parents for help. I can’t believe the number of mean parents on here who would not help a child in your position. Good luck.

Original poster
concernedchild · 20/03/2024 10:44

dottydodah · 20/03/2024 10:42

I am sure they will try to help you out if possible .Maybe you could see if a small loan may tide you over? They may not know how much you are struggling

They've taken my initial message really well (it's made me cry!!) it seems they'd be open to discussing it which is a positive step

OP posts:
dottydodah · 20/03/2024 10:42

I am sure they will try to help you out if possible .Maybe you could see if a small loan may tide you over? They may not know how much you are struggling

Original poster
concernedchild · 20/03/2024 10:38

@Overthebow I cannot afford the travel to see my friends. Even to the next town over. I am really struggling

OP posts:
Overthebow · 20/03/2024 10:37

concernedchild · 20/03/2024 10:28

@Overthebow I totally understand that, but I am completely neglecting everything else in order to study for these exams and pay for them. I haven't seen my friends in months because I can't afford to meet them. I can't do things with my nieces or my family

Why don’t you suggest some free activities with friends and family? When we first started out working and me and my friends were all earning low salaries and saving up to buy houses we did evenings round each others places, walks and took our own picnics and coffee, camping trips away in very cheap campsites and again took our own food and drinks. Now we’re in our 30s and have more money we have trips away, concerts and days out. You don’t need to spend money to see your friends and family whilst you’re prioritising other things.

Original poster
concernedchild · 20/03/2024 10:30

@Mrsttcno1 as I explained. I was in a different position when I started the course. The firm I was at had to close, unexpectedly, and I was thrown into a position of having to take whatever TC I could get or not go into the career I love.

OP posts:
TigBitss · 20/03/2024 10:30

In fairness when I was studying and self funding I had to make those choices. They paid off when I qualified and then had plenty of money.

Mrsttcno1 · 20/03/2024 10:29

concernedchild · 20/03/2024 10:28

@Overthebow I totally understand that, but I am completely neglecting everything else in order to study for these exams and pay for them. I haven't seen my friends in months because I can't afford to meet them. I can't do things with my nieces or my family

Yes, and that was your choice ?

Original poster
concernedchild · 20/03/2024 10:28

@Overthebow I totally understand that, but I am completely neglecting everything else in order to study for these exams and pay for them. I haven't seen my friends in months because I can't afford to meet them. I can't do things with my nieces or my family

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 20/03/2024 10:28

concernedchild · 20/03/2024 10:06

@Mrsttcno1 do you honestly think I should be going without everything in order to pay for these exams? I'm already sacrificing so much and cancelling these plans would genuinely wreck my mental health

As an adult you make choices though, you want the TC, you want to qualify, that’s the choice you’ve made so you have to live within your means to achieve that goal. There’s lots of people working very hard who can’t afford to have trips away, concerts etc because you have to live a life you can afford. That’s real life.

Overthebow · 20/03/2024 10:26

concernedchild · 20/03/2024 10:06

@Mrsttcno1 do you honestly think I should be going without everything in order to pay for these exams? I'm already sacrificing so much and cancelling these plans would genuinely wreck my mental health

Lots of people have to go without to be able to do other things they want. You want to do the training contract and exams as it will give you great career opportunities, but this may mean going without other luxuries. You may be lucky and your parents may give you or lend you the money. Not everyone has this option and so they go without, not because they don’t want things or think their mental health may suffer if they don’t get to, but because they don’t have the luxury of parents money. I’m not saying it’s wrong to ask your parents, I absolutely would in your position, but please don’t get the mindset that you need and must have these other things, they are luxuries and it’s not unusual to have to go without.

Tahinii · 20/03/2024 10:24

I think you should ask because you have a firm and sensible plan in place. I’d want my daughter to ask and I’d want to help. My mum would be devastated if I was struggling and stressed and didn’t think to, at least, have a discussion with her. Please don’t feel bad. The worst they say is no.

AdoraBell · 20/03/2024 10:17

You are not a failure because of the financial situation. So many people are struggling and living with their parents because of the cost of living now.

Speak to your parents, have a plan ready to repay any money they agree to lend you.

Original poster
concernedchild · 20/03/2024 10:17

pickledandpuzzled · 20/03/2024 10:15

Good luck talking to your parents. I hope they appreciate how you feel and are able to help.

They may have conditions- I know mine would have 🤣. My mum still grumbles when other people don’t spend money the same way she does- I’m not giving her money, she’s just got a new phone! Etc.

I've presented what I think is quite a reasonable offer - £350 as a "security deposit", £100/ month until the final exam is completed in January, and then this rises to £200/month, with a commitment to paying off the outstanding debt within 6 months of qualifying

OP posts:
Lovesacake · 20/03/2024 10:16

Absolutely ask them, I would say yes in their shoes if I could and would be so proud of what you’re doing to make a career for yourself - good luck x

StrawberryJellyBelly · 20/03/2024 10:15

Op, please ask your parents for help.

pickledandpuzzled · 20/03/2024 10:15

Good luck talking to your parents. I hope they appreciate how you feel and are able to help.

They may have conditions- I know mine would have 🤣. My mum still grumbles when other people don’t spend money the same way she does- I’m not giving her money, she’s just got a new phone! Etc.

pickledandpuzzled · 20/03/2024 10:14

@concernedchild it’s not about what you should do, so much as about what you can do and what’s normal to the people around you.

Expensive treats and outings that support your mental health are a novelty to people over a certain age. There were no treats. Not for a limited time, not because we didn’t need them or didn’t work hard and feel hard done by. They just weren’t there, regardless of how we felt.

There will always be pushback from people who did without things you consider essential.

Original poster
concernedchild · 20/03/2024 10:11

I've texted them to lay the groundwork for the chat tonight and I feel sick, I hate that I've got to do this but I'm hoping that we can come to some sort of agreement

OP posts:
Original poster
concernedchild · 20/03/2024 10:06

@Mrsttcno1 do you honestly think I should be going without everything in order to pay for these exams? I'm already sacrificing so much and cancelling these plans would genuinely wreck my mental health

OP posts:
YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 20/03/2024 10:06

I'd say YANBU because I used a share of inheritance that mum passed to me (it was hers, she didn't need to share) to pay for my professional qualifications when I did my TC, but if they say no just keep on trucking, it's not forever and you will be well paid.

People don't realise how normal it is for small firms not to pay a penny towards qualifications, for a laptop, etc. There are so many people fighting for TCs that they have no need to offer any incentives. The big firms do of course but a) those placements are incredibly competitive b) they're normally big city based and c) you normally have to sell your soul in terms of work life balance!

Mrsttcno1 · 20/03/2024 10:04

concernedchild · 20/03/2024 09:56

@Mrsttcno1 no, I haven't. I said I am saving other money. If I had that much available to me I certainly wouldn't be stressed about the price of the exams!

But saving for other things is a luxury you don’t have right now.

Swipe left for the next trending thread