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Original poster

To ask my parents for financial help

589 replies

concernedchild · 20/03/2024 08:47

I'm 24, I live at home (I know this will attract a lot of criticism but I cannot afford to move out).

I earn £1300 a month after tax etc.

After saving for professional exams (I have to pay for them, I get no help from work) I'm left with £650 per month. Of this I have to pay for uni, all my own expenses and travel to work, as well as other savings.

I'm left with about £75 at the end of each month. From this £75 I contribute what I can to the house but it's not a lot. I feel like a failure. If my friends ask to meet up I have to say no because I can't afford it.

Travel alone is £200 per month. I can't make it any cheaper. Uni is £100 per month. My expenses aren't extravagant - I'm paying for my uni course, my phone, Spotify etc., I'm not spending hundreds on my nails or getting sun beds or anything like that.

I want to approach my parents and ask for some help with the exams but I feel like a total failure for even having to ask. The plan when I moved in after uni was for me to save up and move out, but I had to move company and took a pay cut. I can't relocate my job (I'm on a training contract and I'm unlikely to get another one).

I feel like I'm sinking. I'm working for basically nothing, I can't afford to grab a coffee on my lunch break or even go out at the weekends. I'm trying my hardest to get by but it's having such an effect on me mentally that I feel like giving up and quitting my job all together to find something in a supermarket that's better paid.

Am I being unreasonable to ask them for help? I don't expect them to say yes, I'm expecting them to say no, but I feel like I'm at my wits end. I don't see a point in anything because I feel like I'm wasting my time working and not getting anywhere financially, I feel like I'm behind my peers and I just can't do it anymore

OP posts:
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Original poster
concernedchild · 20/03/2024 12:50

ABitBright · 20/03/2024 12:48

I'm working for basically nothing

You aren't though. You will get a good career out of this. It's hard but it will get better. I'd ask your parents and see what they say. Are they any hardship funds at whichever body runs your exams?

If I was your Mum I would be proud of you and want to support you.

And I'm aware of that, but month to month when I'm turning down plans because I can't afford them, when I'm not even able to grab a coffee at lunch, when I can't afford to replace the skincare I'm running out of, I feel like it's all for nothing

OP posts:
IWillBeWaxingAnOwl · 20/03/2024 12:50

Dweetfidilove · 20/03/2024 12:46

Glad your parents are open to discussing. Whatever you do, try not to quit. Qualifying is an arduous process, but usually worth it in the end.

Im amazed how many people still do not recognise that good training contracts are extremely hard to get/competitive and outside the big firms, many will rinse as much as they can out of you for as little as possible, because you have to train to qualify.

Yes absolutely, I suspect it's because it used to be better but now it certainly is not the certainty that firms will pay exam fees etc.

Up north (Scotland not Newcastle 😉) seems to be a bit better - I know several where even smallish firms paid fees and gave time out for exam study.

Good luck OP, in your parents financial position id just gift that.

ABitBright · 20/03/2024 12:48

I'm working for basically nothing

You aren't though. You will get a good career out of this. It's hard but it will get better. I'd ask your parents and see what they say. Are they any hardship funds at whichever body runs your exams?

If I was your Mum I would be proud of you and want to support you.

Dweetfidilove · 20/03/2024 12:46

Glad your parents are open to discussing. Whatever you do, try not to quit. Qualifying is an arduous process, but usually worth it in the end.

Im amazed how many people still do not recognise that good training contracts are extremely hard to get/competitive and outside the big firms, many will rinse as much as they can out of you for as little as possible, because you have to train to qualify.

Original poster
concernedchild · 20/03/2024 12:42

skipskippy · 20/03/2024 12:37

You are in a very unusual (and unfortunate) situation OP. Ordinarily the firm would sponsor you and would require you to have completed the SQE prior to commencing the TC. Not a mandatory requirement but generally a very strong preference. If you are completing the SQE alongside the TC you would expect the firm to sponsor you. You are somehow in the worst of both worlds here - are you sure you cannot apply elsewhere? Are you working in the charity sector?

I'd be unlikely to be accepted and now I'm part way through I doubt many firms would want to take me on. I don't live in a city so it's so different here in terms of funding for courses etc

OP posts:
Original poster
concernedchild · 20/03/2024 12:40

Devon23 · 20/03/2024 12:37

Student loan

Would sink me with interest and ultimately lead to me dropping out of my TC

OP posts:
RMNmama · 20/03/2024 12:38

I’m taking a guess that you’re a trainee solicitor? It’s a hard and brutal process but once your exams are done and you qualify things will get better. Difficult as it is try not to compare to friends as they’re not in the same position as you - you all have different support systems etc so it’s just unhelpful and makes you feel bad. Sounds like you’re already doing all you can. Unfortunately it’s a case of remind yourself this is not forever, it will get better and this sacrifice now will be worth it financially once you qualify. i think there’s no harm in asking your parents for help but be prepared for a no so you’re not too discouraged if they don’t agree.
Good luck with the exams and uni, you’ve done amazing to get this far!

Devon23 · 20/03/2024 12:37

Student loan

skipskippy · 20/03/2024 12:37

You are in a very unusual (and unfortunate) situation OP. Ordinarily the firm would sponsor you and would require you to have completed the SQE prior to commencing the TC. Not a mandatory requirement but generally a very strong preference. If you are completing the SQE alongside the TC you would expect the firm to sponsor you. You are somehow in the worst of both worlds here - are you sure you cannot apply elsewhere? Are you working in the charity sector?

Original poster
concernedchild · 20/03/2024 12:36

Nosleepforthismum · 20/03/2024 12:33

Aww sounds like your parents are good eggs and I’m pleased for you OP. Having said that, you are also in a really fortunate position anyway where you have your living expenses and food all paid and accounted for. I might be in the minority but my friends and I don’t have any money spare for fun stuff really so we are used to going on walks and the occasional bottle of wine at each others houses and scope out all the free stuff nearby. Just remember, your exam fees aren’t forever (much like nursery fees) so you just need to accept your social life will take a bit of a battering for now BUT it will get better!

I totally understand that but I'm in the position where I can't afford petrol/train tickets to go and see them, I book annual leave to just sit at home studying because I can't afford to do anything.

OP posts:
Cricketmadmum · 20/03/2024 12:34

Bless you! You sound like a lovely thoughtful daughter who is well-motivated and having a tough time. I hope this works out for you.

FrangipaniBlue · 20/03/2024 12:34

Myotheripodisayoto · 20/03/2024 09:03

Im confused about your sums.

If its a first degree you should be able to access student finance.

If its the law school part after the degree, you are supposed to get a training contract and the firm pay the law school costs.

If no one was willing to give you a training contract, you've taken a huge risk paying the fees without the employment. If you've agreed to a training contract without them funding your LPC you are a fool, easily parted from your money.

There are too many law students around, the good ones who will survive, are not paying for their LPC themselves.

What a helpful post......

Nosleepforthismum · 20/03/2024 12:33

Aww sounds like your parents are good eggs and I’m pleased for you OP. Having said that, you are also in a really fortunate position anyway where you have your living expenses and food all paid and accounted for. I might be in the minority but my friends and I don’t have any money spare for fun stuff really so we are used to going on walks and the occasional bottle of wine at each others houses and scope out all the free stuff nearby. Just remember, your exam fees aren’t forever (much like nursery fees) so you just need to accept your social life will take a bit of a battering for now BUT it will get better!

SetinTime · 20/03/2024 12:30

OP you're broke now but it wont be forever. I don't see any issue with asking your parents for a bit of help until you're done paying for your exams, if they can and are willing to help. And well done on your achievements so far. You a far from a failure!

Original poster
concernedchild · 20/03/2024 12:28

@sandyhappypeople good idea!! I will amend my plan and put that to them tonight, I feel so sick at the thought of the conversation but I know it needs to happen

OP posts:
sandyhappypeople · 20/03/2024 12:27

concernedchild · 20/03/2024 11:54

The proposal I've made for repayment is well within my abilities now, and hopefully by the time January next year rolls around I'll have had a pay rise!!

Show quote history

Try not to factor in hopefully's though if you can help it, the best way to do it is under promise then over deliver. Drop the amounts down per month and put the rest that you can afford into a savings account as a 'float'. Then when you think you're ready, pay it back to them as a lump sum from your float account, you don't have to tell them about that so it can be a nice surprise!

Anything can happen, you didn't think that original employer would close, but it did, so my point is think of the worst possible situation (losing your earnings for example, or being off ill) and work to that, if they have plenty of savings they won't mind that at all as long as you're paying something every month.

beanii · 20/03/2024 12:27

Exams are £7800 a year?

What are you wanting to do when you leave university, is it truly worth it?

Original poster
concernedchild · 20/03/2024 12:24

PickledPurplePickle · 20/03/2024 12:23

Your parents are already subsidising you by letting you live at home for free

Take out a student loan

I essentially would be taking out a loan, I've got a repayment plan sorted. My parents would rather I saved for a house than paid rent, because frankly the amount I'd be able to afford to pay would be pitiful

OP posts:
Original poster
concernedchild · 20/03/2024 12:23

Silvers11 · 20/03/2024 12:21

@concernedchild Glad you got at least a hopeful reply from your Dad. Please though, do tell them exactly how bad you are feeling about things as you have here.

I will, my thing is I'd become emotional about it and feel so so bad about that, because I then feel like I'm blackmailing them into it. But I'll sit down with them and explain that the exams are all over the country, as it stands I might not be able to afford to travel to them etc., and that this would help me a great deal

OP posts:
PickledPurplePickle · 20/03/2024 12:23

Your parents are already subsidising you by letting you live at home for free

Take out a student loan

Silvers11 · 20/03/2024 12:21

@concernedchild Glad you got at least a hopeful reply from your Dad. Please though, do tell them exactly how bad you are feeling about things as you have here.

scoobysnaxx · 20/03/2024 12:19

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scoobysnaxx · 20/03/2024 12:16

Myotheripodisayoto · 20/03/2024 09:17

As I said - you are a fool for taking a TC that isn't paying your fees. You will likely find they don't have a job for you when the TC ends.

If you are only bringing in 1,300 on a TC they are paying you barely more than min wage. What the hell law firm is this?

You are so fucking rude.

She is 24 years old and studying for a great career.

@concernedchild don't listen to nonsense. You are NOT a failure. Law isn't easy.

Absolutely ask mum and dad for some help. I'd absolutely want my children to come to me and I would've gone to my parents. They would have wanted me to go to them and they would've helped me if they could as it would've been for my future and career.

You're clearly not a CF who cannot manage money asking to be thrown some cash to pay your direct debits.

Hecatoncheires · 20/03/2024 11:58

And, bloody hell, some of the responses on this thread are harsh. I had a child/teenhood where money was really, really tight and there's no way that my parents could have helped me out financially - I worked whilst I was at school and funded my way through university and have worked full-time since I was 20 (am mid-50s now). Doesn't mean that I would stand by and watch my own daughter struggle when I could help her just because I had it tough. Fuck me.

GnomeDePlume · 20/03/2024 11:56

Don't feel bad about asking.

If you were my DC and all you needed to take a great weight off your mind was throwing some money at the problem, then I would be more than happy to do the throwing.

Problems solved by the judicious application of cash are the easy ones to solve.

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