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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WWYD?

56 replies

merlinthegreatt · 20/03/2024 06:31

This is not really AIBU but posted here for traffic.

I moved away from our home town a couple of years ago. I was (very) uncertain at the time as to whether I was doing the right thing - but nevertheless I went ahead and committed to the move

Two years down the line, we are still here. It's been an emotional journey and I have regretted my choice to move every day and tormented myself mentally . I have reached a point very recently where I think I am getting into a more positive head space for the following reasons:

  • I appreciate and value the area for my children to grow up in . It's a lovely place
  • I love the school and how we can walk there and everyone knows everyone (it's a village!)
  • it's very pretty and picturesque and there are some beautiful walks and places of interest.
  • I have made quite a connection with local people now - school mums and people in the community and I do feel like I am one of them now

However, I do not know if I am "happy" here for myself. I miss home still and hate that I get questioned "are we nearly there yet" at every drive back. It breaks my heart that we aren't close to my mum anymore (an hour away) and we rarely see her as much as we used to. It utterly breaks my heart and I worry and panic that I am not on hand for her when she gets older and needs my help. I also miss my friends from home as I never really see them anymore - our lives are so busy and whilst an hour isn't far it is significant when you have school runs and work to sort during the week.

We havent done anything to the house as I can't bare to spend money on it. But very recently I have made the decision to do up one room and see how that makes me feel. I am very sentimental and if I can feel like this is our house and our home maybe I'll be more inclined to stay.

How long does it take to settle? I would be heartbroken to change schools and risk bullying or not fitting in as "the new child". (I'm receptions at the moment )

WWYD? How long do I leave things?

OP posts:
Tatas · 20/03/2024 07:04

If for 2 years you've been beating yourself up for it everyday and tormenting yourself, is there a chance you've not given yourself the opportunity to be happy there?

Why did you move originally? Was it for the nice area? A job? Is your husband (guessing from the "we") happy there? Are the kids? Would moving back mean a change in lifestyle? Would they be happy to move back?

Honestly I think 2 years would be a good amount of time to give things a go, but it doesn't sound like you've actually given things a go - it sounds like you've given yourself a horrendous time of it mentally! Definitely do up one room and see how it makes you feel 😊 change can be hard. I'd think about the reasons behind moving back, especially if it's based around friends + family. 2 years is may be on the side where you'll be able to slip back into old routines, but bare in mind other people could have moved on / changed routine and you might not just be able to slip back into the old friendships you're thinking wistfully of.

Quitelikeacatslife · 20/03/2024 06:54

Lean into the idea, research what house you could afford, what schools (are there even spaces) , commuting time if relevant . Plan it before you go for it so you can visualise your new life there and not make it just a fantasy life . But an hour is not much and maybe you need to go back more often too

DustyLee123 · 20/03/2024 06:50

I’ve struggled at times with this, wanting to move back to where I grew up, but I know that where I live now is the best place to bring my kids up. I live in a village, my kids go to an excellent school, the high schools are far better here, there’s a Uni close by so they don’t have to leave home if they don’t want, better/bigger hospital. My kids would have a very different upbringing where I’m from, and it’s only 30 minutes away.
Ive decided that I am prepared to give up what I want so that they have better.

KaftasCastle · 20/03/2024 06:50

If you haven't settled in 2 years then it's unlikely you will - I'd move.

Life is too short to be so unhappy!

CaliforniaHereWeCome1 · 20/03/2024 06:49

Moving schools is no problem for most kids at reception age, if you’re going to do it it’s better to do it now than in a few years. It sounds like you want to move back to your home town. It will be more important to your DC to be with their grandmother and feel part of the community with your friends and their kids rather than living in a pretty village with picturesque walks.

Bythefireside · 20/03/2024 06:49

Just move back. I moved away from my home town 18 years ago. I wish I hadn’t. Wish I’d moved back when kids were young but now they have their own lives and I can’t move them away from here. If I had a time machine and could go back 16 years I’d go home.

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