WWYD?

The decoration issue is interesting and one I can relate to .
when we last moved we bought the brand new show house so carpets , curtains and light fittings all thrown in .
We were pleased with ourselves saving so much money. However, for years I didn’t feel the house was “ours “ .

I finally realised I needed to put up curtains I had chosen and make my mark on it to feel really comfortable.

If you are only thinking about doing up one room now then it sounds like you are living with the previous owners tastes which are not going to be the same as yours! It really matters O P , well it did to me!

I think you are right about decoration . I would do your bedroom first and then the main rooms

Totally agree with this sentiment.

You doesn’t your mum move in with you?

Do consider if your mother might look to downsize in a few years.

Are there properties near you that offer a suitable size for her, location for shops/GP/local amenities? Is there a good local community with masses of things going on for older people?

You will never settle if you continue trying to be a ‘local’ somewhere you no longer live @merlinthegreatt.

You need to ask yourself if you genuinely want to be part of a wider community than a school one and if so you have two choices - make the effort to form that or move back.

Can you invite school mum friends to a night at yours? BBQ? Night out? Coffee? Cinema trip? Etc.

Cant your older friends visit you?

You say your mum dislikes the drive - but is she able?
Is there a train or bus to a nearby town? Could she come to you on a Friday every 8 weeks and you return her on a Sunday? Make her a part of your new life.

Have you joined any social activities nearby? Running club/gym/yoga etc?

Do your kids have extra curricular activities?

Also it’s one hour away - in the past week I have been to my nearest big city twice (55min in good traffic). Once for Sunday lunch with family at a restaurant and Thursday night to see a show at 7.30pm. Oh actually a third visit, I collected DS from the airport on Friday too. Not all visits need to be overnight/for hours on end.

Is there a train your mum could jump on and you pick her up from the station? Surely she'd like to spend time in your new home and has an interest in where you live?

You still haven't said why you moved.

I also agree form your tone and language its unhealthy and extreme reaction.

Op this sounds extremely unhealthy. Why do you feel such guilt that you need to stick to your mum at the expense of your primary family. It's natural for children to grow up, have families, move on or far away. You keep mentioning old friends too and seem to be stuck in that frame of mind. Would you be happy for your own kids to never explore, take up any opportunities anywhere, have their own families if they need to move away from you.

I don't know op. It's sounds like you do need to cut the strings as you are an adult with your own family. Your kids are settled and it seems like other than you, everyone has adapted and fine. It's a bit selfish to uproot everyone just because you want to be with your mum. An hour is nothing at all. Why do you need to 'rush' down to see them over weekends?

Why did you move to the new location in the first place? I think that's key to understanding the whole predicament really.

I might have missed something, but I am really not getting a sense of why you moved away? Reflecting on that and whether it has achieved what you wanted might be helpful.

Did you really even move away from her though?
It's an hour's drive. I'm not trying to be mean to you or belittle you but some people commute an hour to work and back every day.
Being a little more remote and having to drive more is just the price you pay for living in a village. I get your used to a different lifestyle but surely you knew moving rurally would mean a lifestyle adjustment?
I think given all the pros you've listed,I'd five it another year at least to get used to it x

Could you go and get her and she could stay at yours for the weekend sometimes?
What's public transport like?

You will never settle somewhere unless you are fully committed to doing so and that means going all in and making your new house a home by furnishing and decorating it to your style and joining in and making friendships as though you are there for ever. Otherwise you are just hovering in limbo. If you really are not prepared to do this then this is not the place for you and my advice would be to crack on now while the kids are v young and move back. The further up school they get the more disruptive it is for then to move.

My parents live 15 mins away and I don't see them every weekend. I only ever see them in an evening if they come over to babysit for something specific. Although they are together and my brother is near too, so it's not all on me. Do you actually miss seeing them loads, is it just a routine for you now, or is it guilt based? If you genuinely miss it, I don't think it would be that big a deal to move your child, especially if there are local schools with spaces.

Maybe you could spend the summer leaning in to where you live now: go to local events at the weekend, visit your mum every other weekend instead of every weekend, invite local friends round for a BBQ, just chill in your garden etc and see how you feel. If on balance you really miss 'home' then consider going back.

You sound very unhappy. I think you need to explore moving back.

You feel guilt and miss your mum. You miss your friends. You are trying to sustain you old life and have a new one it will push you to breaking point

You are doing all the fun things away from your home. So you are associating weekend and leisure time with "back home".

This means your new house is purely that, a house to work and do school from.

I don't think it healthy for you children as my mum did this- all the fun memories and treats were when we went to my grandmas in the home town. We never did anything fun at home.

You have three option

1. Carry on as now
2. Move back
3. Try and move psychologically as well as physically into your new home

From the tone of you post I think you should move back. You don't sound like you want to adjust.

You don't have to put yourself through this anymore though it fine to move back.

It reads like you just want to be within walking distance of your mum again. If that’s what you want, you’re never going to be happy in the new place. The kids will adjust quicker than you will x

In your situation I would move back and do it soon.

We moved back to our hometown last year as we wanted to be closer to family and friends.

Kids were 10, 7 and 6 at the time. 10 year old has additional needs and wasn't going to be changing schools but the the younger 2 changed schools. We were so nervous as their previous school was excellent. We're not in UK so classes slightly different but they moved after senior infants and 1st class (their 2nd and 3rd year of school respectively). They've both settled really well. The 7 year old took a little longer but the 6 year old slotted in so easily. He's done almost a year in the new school and he literally can barely remember going to his previous school. My 7 year old has made good friends in school who she's still in touch with now which made it a little harder for her to settle.

So basically what I'm saying is the younger you move them the better.

Why don’t you invite them over to you? It sounds as if you are doing all the accommodating in keeping up with everyone. Is anyone making an effort to make things easier for you?

@merlinthegreatt yes and I also read that you rarely see your old friends. So yeah 🤷‍♀️🙄

OP with all due respect, you have to look at your own life and your own family unit (your husband and your kids). Why do you feel guilty for “leaving” your mum? Are you expected to live near her at all times? As others have said, you need to make an effort to immerse yourself in your new life and give it a chance. It sounds like you have not done that and you rush home every chance you get. The happiness of your husband and your kids depends on how close you love to your mum? I get what you say about fiends living around the corner and being able to make plans on weekdays, but have you tried doing that in your current area, with your new friends? Maybe if you stop rushing back every weekend, you will have a chance of creating a similar network of friends.

And, while I get the home nostalgia (I’ve loved 150 miles away from where I grew up for 35 years), I know that there’s a reason I moved away. And that It’s not like I remember