What would you do? Friend asking for money AGAIN

You're not her mum, I would first say I can't keep bailing you out, candles are not necessary (I been a guilty of spending money I don't have on nonsense and learnt) and she needs a side hustle, she can make, I "think it's" £300 before they start taking money from her benefits.
She can do cleaning, pet sitting or ask shops or laundrette if they need help.

Don't feel bad op! As stated she is NOT YOUR CHILD!

Ive been where you are now, twice, because clearly, I don’t learn.
What ive learned since is that decent people don’t borrow , like your friend is borrowing off you.
My old school friend and best friend of 4 years, never asked for money until my circumstances improved. She was in a tricky spot, I spent money to help her escape a relationship. She came to live with me rent free for 6 months. Rather than me leading a clearly higher standard of living, I bought us good food and took her on holiday with me and my daughter. During this time, I lent her money. She got a new boyfriend and the time was right for her to move out. I paid for the deposit for a rented house for her, £800 on top of the 2k she had borrowed. She dropped contact, got a good job , but nothing was repaid. Less than a year later, I received a letter from the landlord I had paid the deposit to. I went to the rented flat to find envelope after envelope with my name on. Basically it appears that whilst living in my house, she stole some of my paperwork and used it to steal my identity , to get utility bills on credit, order from a catalogue. I had to pay an additional £8000 of her debt. I traced her and went to see her, where she begged me not to go to the police, told me how much she cared for me and promised to pay me £50 a month. She was pregnant. I didn’t go to the police. She has never paid me. This betrayal was premeditated, when she was at her lowest and I was treating her like a sister. It will hurt me forever.
Another person I was friendly, but not friends with was endlessly borrowing £10 or £20 every week. I stayed at arms length really- I knew the next sob story of hardship was going to end in an ask for money. Her mum died. I was there when the undertaker came, so met them. Unbeknownst to me she told them that I was paying for it all, gave them my details, forged my correct signature on the order form (I have no idea where she got my signature)and for whatever unfathomable reason they believed ,her didn’t double check with me and didn’t take payment in advance. The undertaker was very very pissed when he personally brought the bill to my house and I said I hadn’t ordered the funeral and wasn’t paying. On questionning my ‘friend’ said using me was the only way she could get credit, she was definitely paying for the funeral but now at £15 a week to the poor gullible undertaker. She did pay it off, and I’ve not spoken to her since.
Please dont lend money to anybody - ever. People take financial advantage in all sorts of ways. I’m sorry - she is not your friend.

So she smokes, has pets, a child and no job.
These were/are her life choices, not yours.

Tell her to bog off and sort herself out

Feeling uncomfortable is a great way of wording it.

I don’t feel comfortable saying no or learn to manage your own money

I voted YABU because of this.

I actually think my 'friend' was buying hash for her off and on again boyfriend. I did ask her once and she said no it was for the taxis from the hospital!

She sounds like my 'friend' except after religiously repaying me within a week stopped paying me back at all. I also looked after her 5 cats - and I don't even like cats. I must have had a sign on my back saying 'MUG'!

If she hasn't got £3 without borrowing it, then I'd suggest that £3 is a lot of money - yes? Easy when you're spending other people's money, isn't it? And what about the cigarettes - buying fags when you supposedly haven't any money?

The OP is being a complete mug, and the friend is a user. Once the OP stops giving her money, just watch the 'friend' disappear.

I am also an idiot and lent money to a 'friend' who at the time was between jobs. It was £20 here and £20 there for taxis from the hospital. Buses are really bad where we live and finish early and she had already I presume fabricated serious medical issues. I had even been to the doctors with her and collected medication! Anyway each time she promised to pay me back. Then she got a regular job and I've not seen hair nor hide of her but plenty of posts on Facebook about her new nails, long weekends away and new clothes! It came to over £200 in the end and I'm on universal credit with a very irregular job eg I didn't earn anything last week and earned £90 the week before and about £90 this week. I've learnt a big lesson - I was very stupid and naive.

LOL - you'll help her this once. And next time? Because there will be a next time? And a time after that. Until you say no.

The lazy scouraging mare needs to get a job, any job and pay her own way like everyone else. Unless there is medical reasons.

If you have children. If you don’t, it’s still no

So you are working hard to fund her cigarette habit and other things. All that money you’ve spent on her could go in to a bank account for your own children.

She spends all her money on non essentials like candles etc because she knows you will bail her out for the important things like food. She is a user and won't change. Just tell her you can't give her money again and it will be interesting to see if it's your company she wants then.

Yes stop. I used to have a firm 'no lending to friends policy. until a friend from a hobby group (she was in poor health so not working and on benefits) asked me to lend £20 on Monday until her benefits landed on the Weds. After the first prompt payment back I'm sure you can guess the rest. she ended up borrowing £50 on a regular basis and putting it back in the account in dribs and drabs I had to keep tally of, and taking it for granted I would lend her. When I decided to stop lending to her I said I would write the last £25 she owed me off but would not lend again. She said 'I'll definitely pay the last £25 back!!' (she did not of course)
I realised over time that though she had got a sad life for various reasons, she really was quite a transparent user. She pops up occasionally when she wants something- posted a birthday card through for me last year which was an in for hinting she needed someone to mind her cat😁

However I’m too nice to say no and I hate it. She’s always grateful of the help but now I feel she may be taking advantage. I have also spent £100 this month on two trips out for us as a little pick her up treat.

I agree that you've been taken for a mug, OP.

Just tell her your circumstances have changed and you can't help any more. No more food, fags (I mean, ffs 🙄) or 'treat' days.

You have absolutely no reason to be bailing her out like this.

Friend, I've given you about ££££ over the past x years.

I'll give you this final £20 to help last you until payday, and I might still sometimes pay for your coffee when we're out together, but I'm not giving you any more cash. I'm feeling used and it's spoiling our friendship.

I know you find budgeting hard though, so I'm willing to come round to your house on Saturday, go through all your paperwork with you and help you set up a budget that enables you to have a little money left at the end of the month, to save for emergencies.

I'd give the £20 as a gift and put an end to it.

It's like having a cocklodger without the cock.

This made me laugh! OP, next time she asks, remember @StopStartStop’s wise words!

Green and callow* youth! 🫢

Shes very probably asking for money from all her entourage.
Tell her she needs to get a job, stop wasting money on superfluous crap,
When does it end ?....

I think it has to be a flat no. Giving a reason is just inviting the CF to find ways around it for you.

She sounds terrible. I’m a single mum and money is tight but I budget and go without luxuries for myself to ensure my kids want for nothing.
I wouldn’t dream of asking family or friends for money. I made the mistake once of lending a ‘friend’ money for bills and she never paid it back despite constantly posting her night out on fb!
She doesn’t sound like a friend at all.

But in my case, my friend who used to borrow money, she was really careful with it, didn't spend lots on clothes and really seemed to be careful with what she had. I don't know whether her family thought she was well off (she apparently sent money home) but her sisters both married millionaires in Nigeria (which I believed) and her DF (father) was a diplomat.

So I don't think she was bad at budgeting, or if she was, maybe me lending her money every so often helped her. She always seemed to have a 'scheme/business plan' on the go. No idea if any of it took off because it didn't when I knew her.