To ask him to leave ?

And this.

You are married, he will at best get 50% of the house sale or have to buy you out/sell and split the equity.

It’s bluster designed to again, manipulate and coerce you into being scared to leave as you think you’ll lose everything.

A court won’t make a mother and baby homeless.

Get your free half hour with a solicitor to find out what you’ll be entitled to. Also make copies of all financial information/wages/pensions/mortgage details etc and hide yours and your ds’s passports.

Things like this often go “missing” when they find out you’re serious about divorce.

@Lmox- look at Wikivorce and educate yourself. Don't let him stitch you up. You have rights

What did you say to him when you pulled him up on not helping? It seems like an overreaction from him to say you're not coming out with him. Unless you spoke to him like absolute shit unnecessarily then I can understand him not wanting to spend the evening with you.

I have ADHD, I cant see many reasons why I would go without my DH, unless he spoke to me like shit and I thought fuck you.

Not up to him , fortunately. He can't just decide he's keeping the house.

Jesus Christ, you read some stuff on this site but this guy is next level. Fucking prick!

I wouldn’t class him as manipulative just extremely thoughtless and taking me for granted

He honestly is Op - you’re probably so used to it you don’t see it.

Telling you he has taken it upon himself to cancel you going on the night out as you dared to ask him to help you and that he needs to be with people who “lift him up” is 100% manipulative.

He acts like this to “train” you into not asking him to do anything/defy him in the future as this will be your punishment (him forbidding you to go out, staying out all night/in bed the next day/generally making you feel like shit and leaving you to do everything alone.)

This is meant gently OP, but don’t be naive. He knows exactly what he’s doing.

Absolutely not BU

With regards to the house etc the courts will want to see your child housed so don't let this be a barrier to him leaving.

Can he give you at least 50% of the equity to buy you out if not no he can’t stay in the house. Get some legal advice now and don’t leave the house

I just got the rage on your behalf reading that OP.

So basically - you had to ask him to “help” (to look after his OWN CHILD ffs!) so he punished you by:

Taking it upon himself to disinvite you from the planned night out

Tell you he needs to be with people who “build him up” ie. not people like you, who ask him to you know, be an adult and look after his own child. Total manipulation.

Deliberately stayed out all night and probably loved the fact you will have been worrying about him

Stays in bed again the next day despite knowing you have a doctors appointment for your LO

Gaslights and victim blames you for being upset about his absolutely disgusting and selfish behaviour

All thus in 24hours? I’d be interested to know what other abuse he subjects you to and blames on his ADHD?

He is a childish, peevish, manipulative piece of shit and I hope you have the strength to not let him come home.

C’mon OP - you know this isn’t right and won’t get any better.

Gaahhhh I accidentally clicked YABU and meant to click YANBU!
Sorry!

Even with your child left homeless? As that's what he'd be doing, as he's clearly no help and couldn't look after him. And is damn well make sure everyone knew. Did you tell anyone that you were to go out with what he did? I think he's trying to push you to finish it for him

Sounds like a dick. I am not sure why people keep trotting out ADHD as an excuse for crap behaviours. If he manages to maintain a full time job and a social life then ADHD can’t be a real issue and is irrelevant.

This. He sounds like a lazy twat. So what if he’s got ADHD. Both my husband and l are neurodivergent but magically we both need to parent our twins

Leave him now. I wasted years on a very similar man. It didn't get better.

You deserve better and he might want to give it to you, but he probably can't.

My ex and son both have adhd and it is tough.

Sounds like a nightmare x

Put your earnings etc into entiltledto.... see if you're eligible for universal credit.

I did and I've got lots of help.

He has to keep you in the home until the divorce and financial settlement are made. Usually the property is split to allow the DC to have similar living circumstances in both homes. You may be entitled to more than 50%. Don't share custody with him he is useless - keep all of the messages as evidence.

Almost any of those events would be enough justification to kick him out. And this is just the list from a few days. You are making the right decision.

Sounds like he’s weaponising his ADHD to enable him to do exactly what he wants. You’ve done the right thing. He sounds utterly useless.

Pathetic manchild who uses ADHD as his cover for being pathetic manchild

Bin, bin, bin, bin, bin.

And then bin.

He isn't a dad at all. No decent bloke would stay out all night long anyway, but then to leave you to deal with the baby and everything whilst he dosses in bed until lunchtime with a hangover is really not on. He's crap now, he'll always be useless. Having ADHD is not an excuse for any of that. Get as much support as you can, from family and friends - and turf the idle twat out.

YANBU. Why are you being left to manage everything alone?

The text to his friends saying you were ill and not coming would have been enough for me, without all the other shit.

YANBU.