Grey area of group holiday finances

Absolutely spot on x

Op, please don't overthink it ...... Have a fabulous time regardless!!

I think you sound like you had good intentions but personally I would never book anything in the assumption people will be happy to take leave from work without double (and treble) checking with them first. There are many reasons why people can’t or won’t take leave and some people account for their leave years in advance!

I also think that if, in reality, they would have clearly said “we can only stay till Sunday” if you had asked them in advance it’s not fair to expect them to pay for a night they would never have agreed to. What the other couple are paying is a bit of a red herring really. But I also agree that they are being a bit silly not to go at all for the sake of £40 unless they are completely skint.

But it sounds like you would be happy to go on your own anyway so just chalk it up to experience and have a nice weekend.

And then they said they want to pay less or theyre not coming.

There are some people who seem to consider it a missed opportunity to not haggle about the price, especially when they know your alternative is to pay in full.

Fair enough, though I wouldn't be choosing them to join any plans again anytime soon. Best to know that this is how they are.

Since they are family, if you ever have that situation again, just for fun you might try putting the ball in their court and asking them what they think would be a fair contribution.

Then you can say thanks, but no thanks.

I know I am projecting here, none of my friends are like this though some of the family are. I deal with it by making ever more generous offers to see how low they will stoop before saying 'hey, that's not fair on you'. Four decades, they still haven't so I see them as a group a lot less than I would otherwise and catch up individually with the people whose company I do enjoy and where this kind of thing just doesn't happen.

Another word of warning, given they replied to your partner, I would absolutely leave it all to him in future. Just don't leave yourself wondering whether what you offer is 'fair'. Leave him to it.

Sorry I haven't read it all but I would say it should be split three ways regardless how many nights they stay.

Are there three bedrooms? Or is it two bedrooms and sofa bed in living room? If the latter, then I'd be inclined to accept the £80 but they stay on the sofa bed.

It's not like you can invite someone else to stay that third night to re-coup the costs.

Would you have still booked that accommodation if the other couples were not coming?

Also all those people saying about just sucking it up to protect the relationships- no, don't. This is how you end up with nasty relationships rooted in resentment. You have to set clear boundaries and then accept that some people will push against them. That's ok. Just take the heat out of the argument by being kind and honest- sorry, we couldn't afford to subsidise the room to that degree, would have been great if you could have come- next time.

If you give way on these kind of things then people will always expect that and you will hate them. Don't give yourself a peptic ulcer.

OP I think you're overcomplicating all of this. You offered them the chance to come on a trip, at less than the price it should cost. They said no and wanted to pay less, but the trip doesn't cost less for everyone, so you said no. They don't want to come at a higher price. That's fine, then they don't come and you invite someone else. Things cost what they cost - I'd love a Mercedes but I can't afford one so I don't have one, I don't go to Mercedes and ask for one at a knock-down price. If there is any bad feeling afterwards from them that is 100% because they are dicks. I'd just say sorry we couldn't afford to subsidise your room any further, but understand you felt unable to pay more so you dropped out. No harm done on either side. Don't delay inviting your friends, get it done, if they wanted to come then they had their opportunity. Don't go begging them.

Tell them they have to check out at 10am .they are cheeky imo.

Let's us know what happens with the other couple.

This is the kind of thing that can have long lasting consequences.

Would you consider saying to them OK, it's free and is your Christmas/birthday gift from us? For the sake of family harmony? Everyone saves face

YANBU. The deal you were offering was £110 for three nights, not £80 for two.

I'd ask some other friends if they'd like to come.

You are absolutely not unreasonable OP. Options were come and share a cottage for £110 per person or decline invite if you don’t want to come/don't want to pay that much. I’ve had someone try to negotiate similar when I was sorting out a weekend away for a group and I always just say I’m sorry but that gets far too complicated. It’s x per room or y per person but if it doesn’t suit you no worries at all & we won’t be offended in slightest if you can’t make it.

I bet most people suggesting you are a CF etc are the ones who never do the organising/coordination. It’s pretty much always those people that moan the most about group events.

Send this:

‘Sorry, I checked if we could reduce the stay to 2 nights but we have to pay for the Sunday night whether we use it or not. At least you’ll be able to stay until after lunch instead of being out by 10am!’

And take the best room - you’re paying more & there’s no point it being wasted on the last night.

Absolutely genius!

I think you’ve done the right thing. They were being tight. What would happen on the trip when you go to pay for meals out or supermarket shop? “I don’t drink red wine so I’m not paying for it” etc

Just ask your friends now and get them in place. If they come back saying ok we’ll pay £85 they are dicks.

I think what happened was they divided the £740 by 18 (6 people x 3 nights) and thought it worked out roughly £40 pp per night.

Then decided that £80 was all they were paying, not considering that someone else will have to pay more if they pay less.

It doesn’t work that way.

If it was agreed 3 nights at the start and all couples would pay 1/3, then they should honour that (even if their plans have since changed).

If you booked it and then invited them to join you, I think they then have the right to say they can pay less.

Again, wouldn’t waste much time and energy on it if you are close friends. Not worth falling out with friends over and learn a lesson for the future (make it clearer about what everyone is agreeing to).

I’d just accept it this time but ask the couple leaving early to do their bit of tidying up before they go.

I think you made a rookie mistake of jumping the gun and booking something without firming up dates and a budget beforehand.

To be honest, I strongly object to other people deciding how I should spend my time and my money and would consider someone a cheeky fucker who tries to manipulate me into subsidising their holiday booking in that way.

If it’s a family situation, that makes it worse because you can’t easily walk away and some people hold grudges forever.

In your shoes, I’d still apologise and tell them that you got a bit carried away with the excitement of a group getaway. Don’t leave it on a sour note.