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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Grey area of group holiday finances

364 replies

Lalalalala555 · 19/03/2024 09:35

Hey.
Looking to see what is considered 'fair' from external perspective.

Ive gota holiday cottage booked for three nights. Fr Sa Su.
Invited friends (two couples).
It sleeps 6.
So theres me and my partner, and then two other couples invited.

We posted in a group chat saying how much it would be each if they wanted to come.
We have done it so that its a set amount, as the cost of the cottage is fixed as booked already and non refundable.

We said it would be 110 each for them.
For my partner and i we decided we would pay a bit more (124).

After posting in the group, one of the other couples want to pay less as they dont want to stay the third night.
They want to pay 2/3 of the cost of 1/6 of the total (if that makes sense).

Its tricky for what is fair. As if they pay 80 instead each, then it means its 200+ each for my partner and I.

Its this wanting to pay for how much someone will be present at the property vs there is already a fixed cost.

Obviously it benefits them to pay less. And us if they pay more.

I don't feel its entirely fair that we would have to pay 3* the amount they pay, for choosing to stay an extra night.
They also will benefit from not having to check out at 10am on the Sunday, which would be the case should the cottage have been booked fri and sat only.

There was no clear consultation in making the booking, we did it after having had a few casual chats about the weekend but not with group consensus. As we are attending an event and the local accommodation had sold out. This one place came up months after so we just booked it.
Hence why we offered it for being cheaper for them.
We didnt know how long they would stay, but they had the option to decide what works best.

Thanks!

OP posts:
learnandlive · 19/03/2024 16:21

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Original poster
Lalalalala555 · 19/03/2024 16:20

Stormyweathr · 19/03/2024 16:15

I was in a similar situation where I was invited to a group booking family holiday and was told a set price for a room for me and my partner. I agreed this price however I then found out that the entire group was bringing their children and that the children were going free!! So this was a big big cottage that slept 30 and some couples had 3 children each, it worked out there was 5 rooms that the children would have in total. I was not taking any children with me therefore I then politely declined (it caused a few arguments as I had said yes before knowing this) and I did feel really annoyed and that they were trying to take advantage of me

this is a bit different and I can see their point but also why should you have to foot the bill.

Hey. Thanks for taking time to reply.
There arent children coming on this trip.

Just wondered which bit you think is unjust / can see their view?
Thanks :)

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Original poster
Lalalalala555 · 19/03/2024 16:18

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Thanks i found your reply.
It sounds great for you that you have a friendship group youre happy in.
And that you rarely come up against moral dilemmas. That's nice. More peace is nice.

Unfortunately in my case. I have been having a moral dilemma about what is and isn't fair.
Im glad that the people in the friend group can speak up.
And I want to make sure that what I'm suggesting is fair. And hence using mum's net for advice and testing the morals of what I'm thinking.
Fair enough if you dont choose to do the same for yourself.
If you find these situations easier as well that's great.

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learnandlive · 19/03/2024 16:18

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learnandlive · 19/03/2024 16:17

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Stormyweathr · 19/03/2024 16:15

I was in a similar situation where I was invited to a group booking family holiday and was told a set price for a room for me and my partner. I agreed this price however I then found out that the entire group was bringing their children and that the children were going free!! So this was a big big cottage that slept 30 and some couples had 3 children each, it worked out there was 5 rooms that the children would have in total. I was not taking any children with me therefore I then politely declined (it caused a few arguments as I had said yes before knowing this) and I did feel really annoyed and that they were trying to take advantage of me

this is a bit different and I can see their point but also why should you have to foot the bill.

DisforDarkChocolate · 19/03/2024 16:09

If the pay less then they piss of at 10 am on their last day and leave their room clean.

learnandlive · 19/03/2024 16:06

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pavedwithgoodintentions · 19/03/2024 16:06

I wouldn't worry at all about 'moving forwards'.

They chose this. They tried to get you to even more heavily subsidise their weekend away unfairly, and then stropped and threw their toys out of the pram when you wouldn't. That's on them, not you.

Frankly, I'd be kind of hoping that both couples would now pull out so you can invite some decent friends to join you and enjoy your weekend with people who are selfish and rude.

Original poster
Lalalalala555 · 19/03/2024 16:04

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What would you do?
Bearing in mind cant go back in time and change what has already happened.
How would you move forwards?

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learnandlive · 19/03/2024 16:03

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Original poster
Lalalalala555 · 19/03/2024 16:02

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I agree with you.
It is a bit of a nightmare.

The people are family to my OH.

But then i dont know if you meant that more in the way that I am the problem.
:s

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learnandlive · 19/03/2024 15:58

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learnandlive · 19/03/2024 15:57

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Original poster
Lalalalala555 · 19/03/2024 15:56

Mnk711 · 19/03/2024 15:47

OP my advice is don't do the pay for it as a birthday/Christmas gift thing, the kind of people it sounds like these people are will expect another gift nearer the time. Also it undermines the clear boundary you are trying to put in place. They get what they want and now even get it for free. Again this is rewarding bad behaviour.

Just message them and say - understand you're looking for somewhere else, please let us know by XX date if you want to take the room at £100 as if you don't by then we will ask other friends to come along so we can split the cost.

That way they can't complain if you fill their slot (or rather they can bit they are clearly unreasonable if they do).

Thanks so much. Your help today has been so valuable to me. Thank you.
Thats a good idea to send a deadline.

I wanted to give them a last last chance.

Thanks i think you guys all solved the issue.

The fair amount for them to pay is over £100. And we give them a deadline to change their mind.
And then its sorted.

Either way im at peace because i feel certain we've been fair and done the right thing.

Yay.

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learnandlive · 19/03/2024 15:56

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Original poster
Lalalalala555 · 19/03/2024 15:52

WorriedMumofTeen16 · 19/03/2024 15:50

So the cost is 740. 6 people staying both Fri and Sat and 2 people staying sun. 14 "shares" if you like. £52.86 pppn or £107.72 per couple per night.

So your offer of £100 was reasonable. Sorry they're being arsey about it

Yes!!
Omg yes
My partner just used chap gpt and had the same outcome.

OP posts:
WorriedMumofTeen16 · 19/03/2024 15:50

So the cost is 740. 6 people staying both Fri and Sat and 2 people staying sun. 14 "shares" if you like. £52.86 pppn or £107.72 per couple per night.

So your offer of £100 was reasonable. Sorry they're being arsey about it

Mnk711 · 19/03/2024 15:48

Also XX date should be tomorrow night or something, not a week from now.

Mnk711 · 19/03/2024 15:47

OP my advice is don't do the pay for it as a birthday/Christmas gift thing, the kind of people it sounds like these people are will expect another gift nearer the time. Also it undermines the clear boundary you are trying to put in place. They get what they want and now even get it for free. Again this is rewarding bad behaviour.

Just message them and say - understand you're looking for somewhere else, please let us know by XX date if you want to take the room at £100 as if you don't by then we will ask other friends to come along so we can split the cost.

That way they can't complain if you fill their slot (or rather they can bit they are clearly unreasonable if they do).

NamingConundrum · 19/03/2024 15:34

Could he message along the lines of "Oh well, thats a shame. Thanks for letting us know you can't come op has some friends interested in coming for the full time so they can take your space. We were willing to subsidise up to you paying £100 as we really wanted you to be able to come but we totally understand if you can't make finances work." I know you don't know that yet but phrases as you'd rather they came so were offering them a deal but if they are trying to play silly buggers and manipulate you into paying more they'll simply lose their spot?

Original poster
Lalalalala555 · 19/03/2024 15:22

DinnaeFashYersel · 19/03/2024 15:15

You booked it and are covering some of your costs with this invitation. You chose to do this. You need to accept what they are offering or invite someone else.

Thanks yes. Initially we offered 110 pp, and that means its 220 per couple and 300 for us. At this point we'd said it's a fix price. Stay how long you want.

They then said oh we only want to stay two nights so we should pay less.
We offered 100pp which means we pay 170pp. (200 per couple and 340 for us)

They wanted 80pp and us pay the rest.
Which means 160 per couple, but 420 for us.

We lowered to 100pp. But its just too much to subsidise.
I'd feel bitter knowing theyve all paid 320 total and weve paid 420 total
It just doesnt seem fair.
Because we wouldn't let them choose to pay what they want they said no.

Which is fine.
And i can ask my friends now.
Or we pay for the full thing.

But either way now dont feel bitter or manipulated.

OP posts:
areyoutheregod · 19/03/2024 15:16

But maybe this is where i stop being nice and accommodating for others and start thinking about whats best for myself instead. Because they did have the option. And they've already been sat on it for a few weeks before raising the issue.

oh so they took a few weeks to even tell you? Do not wait any longer, they sound like a pain and inconsiderate to you. They're clearly not bothered about how you feel or if it affects the relationship, so you shouldn't overly worry either. Go and see if you can get other people in the room, and since you organised it, please take one of the doubles and not the singles!

DinnaeFashYersel · 19/03/2024 15:15

You booked it and are covering some of your costs with this invitation. You chose to do this. You need to accept what they are offering or invite someone else.

Original poster
Lalalalala555 · 19/03/2024 15:12

Mosaic123 · 19/03/2024 14:49

Let's us know what happens with the other couple.

This is the kind of thing that can have long lasting consequences.

Would you consider saying to them OK, it's free and is your Christmas/birthday gift from us? For the sake of family harmony? Everyone saves face

That is a really interesting idea. As a birthday /Christmas gift. Will think about that!

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