Page 3 | Grey area of group holiday finances

Lalalalala555 · 2024-03-19T09:35:54+00:00

Hey. Looking to see what is considered 'fair' from external perspective. Ive gota holiday cottage booked for three nights. Fr Sa Su. Invited friends (two couples). It sleeps 6. So theres me and my partner, and then two other couples invited. We posted in a group chat saying how much it would be each if they wanted to come. We have done it so that its a set amount, as the cost of the cottage is fixed as booked already and non refundable. We said it would be 110 each for them. For my partner and i we decided we would pay a bit more (124). After posting in the group, one of the other couples want to pay less as they dont want to stay the third night. They want to pay 2/3 of the cost of 1/6 of the total (if that makes sense). Its tricky for what is fair. As if they pay 80 instead each, then it means its 200+ each for my partner and I. Its this wanting to pay for how much someone will be present at the property vs there is already a fixed cost. Obviously it benefits them to pay less. And us if they pay more. I don't feel its entirely fair that we would have to pay 3* the amount they pay, for choosing to stay an extra night. They also will benefit from not having to check out at 10am on the Sunday, which would be the case should the cottage have been booked fri and sat only. There was no clear consultation in making the booking, we did it after having had a few casual chats about the weekend but not with group consensus. As we are attending an event and the local accommodation had sold out. This one place came up months after so we just booked it. Hence why we offered it for being cheaper for them. We didnt know how long they would stay, but they had the option to decide what works best. Thanks!

Original poster

Lalalalala555 · 20/03/2024 19:23

Bongosbingos · 20/03/2024 17:47

Sorry if you've said this, I haven't read the whole thread, but if they pay 80 each, that's only 30 each extra for you and your partner if thr original price for them was 110 each?

It works out actually a lot worse. Its because the price is already set. Like is 740. Someone has to cover that.
So, if they wanted to come, we said 220 per couple.

Ie 440 others and 300 covered by us (80 more already). And we said its booked for this long. Come for as long as you like. Offer is there if you want to join.

Issue is, they decided a few weeks after saying yes. That they wanted to stay two nights and pay less.
If they each pay 80. We'd also want to be fair to the other couple. So everyone pays 80 each. Because its not fair to charge the ones that complain less than the others just because they complain.

Which means 320 covered by others. And 420 my OH and ie.
Ie four people pay 320 and we as two pay 420.

That was not sitting okay with me.
As it just does not seem fair.
The offer was if they wanted to come, it's 110pp. Take it or leave it. Stay as long or little as you like.

Using char gpt the fair way to calc is in couple nights. Which means its total/7 ie two couples decided to stay 2 nights and us 3.
Even this is questionable in itself because them choosing not to stay the full time is a choice. Ie they dont have to come if they dont want to. And the cottage doesnt offer a lower occupancy reduction. It also has fees for booking and cottage fees which are over £150 irrespective of how many nights.
Also booking for three nights meant it was cheaper per night than for two.
And finally as a group it was clear we needed somewhere during the day on Sunday. Which just wouldn't be the case if the Sunday night hadn't been booked.

... Summary apparently maths fair way is 2/7, 2/7, 3/7.

Moral fair way would be 1/3,1/3,1/3 as its each couples choice if they want to leave early. And they will use and benefit from the third day.

And if they did pay 80.
It means as a couple they pay 160.
Wheres my OH and I pay 420.
And they have access to use the same thing as us.
And they will be making use of the third day.
But even if they didnt.
160 is not 2/7 : 3/7 ratio to 420.
Ie my they'd be paying about 21% total.
Leaving everyone else to cover 79%.

Just not okay.
Was hard to say no as they were saying we were being unfair.. And i dont want to be unfair. Or be seen as unfair.
But in this instance I don't think our offer was unfair.

Fair enough if they want to haggle if they go about other things in life this way. But the entitlement thing of it and saying we're being unfair isn't nice.
Fair enough if they just simply don't want to pay that much to go on a trip.
But it's the wanting everyone else, who are supposidly people they care about ie my OH and the other couple (. Not sure how far I fit into that equation.) to pay more so they can pay less.
Especially after they'd already agreed a few weeks ago.

Anyway im having a bit of a longer reply than i expected.

They decided not to come. And i didnt sleep well last night worrying and today knowing that has brought me peace because i was anxious about how they'd conduct themselves.
And now that's not an issue because they won't be there.
Peace.

OP posts:

Wexone · 20/03/2024 18:58

LalaPaloosa · 20/03/2024 18:09

I will never forget doing all the work making arrangements and booking restaurants and places to stay in a trip to Prague. I found the most stunning 3 bedroom apartment and my boyfriend and I had a room, and two single friends had a room each. They selected rooms first and we took the last one. When we came to leave they insisted on splitting costs 4 ways. I expressed surprise and they had clearly discussed it between them and insisted it was only fair to spliy it per person. I ended up paying half the cost of the apartment. I was furious and won’t ever put myself in that position again.

but what they asked for was right? it was 4 people not 4 couples so therfore split 4 ways. why did you pay double ? did your boyfriend not contribute

Wexone · 20/03/2024 18:56

Lalalalala555 · 20/03/2024 18:18

Its a good few months before the event.
:)
I will try to remember. I dont know if aita posts get deleted after a few days.

I think I'm going to try not to rub it in their faces intentionally. Im just going to behave as i would had this all not have happened. Which probably still is insta posts but i dont want to modify behaviour either way.

It will influence future encounters ect because its added to my experience of them. Just going to try to protect myself and my partner.

I imagine from their angle they are probably feeling miffed they didn't get the outcome they thought theyd get and wanted. So i imagine that it may show up in comments and behaviour in the future. We'll see. It will be interesting to see how they conduct themselves following on.

Show quote history

I say they were very miffed as they probably done something similar before and never were told no. so it's been good that you pushed back and said no. if you get any comments in future I would just prepare some smart ones back

Imisssleep2 · 20/03/2024 18:50

I think it should be split equal and if they leave early, so be it. What happens if you let them pay less and then they say o we can stay the extra night after all.....

upthehills1 · 20/03/2024 18:40

I think they either pay their third or don’t come and you can offer it to someone else.

Is there a 3 night minimum stay at the cottage? Kind of tricky as you had prearranged it but I’d just say that’s the booking so take it or leave it.

Changingplace · 20/03/2024 18:22

LalaPaloosa · 20/03/2024 18:09

I will never forget doing all the work making arrangements and booking restaurants and places to stay in a trip to Prague. I found the most stunning 3 bedroom apartment and my boyfriend and I had a room, and two single friends had a room each. They selected rooms first and we took the last one. When we came to leave they insisted on splitting costs 4 ways. I expressed surprise and they had clearly discussed it between them and insisted it was only fair to spliy it per person. I ended up paying half the cost of the apartment. I was furious and won’t ever put myself in that position again.

Why on earth didn’t you discuss how you’d split the costs before the trip? To be honest I agree with them anyway, why should they subsidise your trip, per person makes sense in that scenario but it’s madness not to have agreed beforehand.

Why didn’t your boyfriend pay his share? He's the CF if you paid his share!

Original poster

Lalalalala555 · 20/03/2024 18:18

Wexone · 20/03/2024 16:18

Come back to us Op after the event to let us know how you got on. I bet the couple that turned it down over 20e will be raging - they will have fierce FOMO
Stick loads of pics etc on insta as well juts to rub it in more 😅
I wouldn't be as talkative to them now next time you see them

Its a good few months before the event.
:)
I will try to remember. I dont know if aita posts get deleted after a few days.

I think I'm going to try not to rub it in their faces intentionally. Im just going to behave as i would had this all not have happened. Which probably still is insta posts but i dont want to modify behaviour either way.

It will influence future encounters ect because its added to my experience of them. Just going to try to protect myself and my partner.

I imagine from their angle they are probably feeling miffed they didn't get the outcome they thought theyd get and wanted. So i imagine that it may show up in comments and behaviour in the future. We'll see. It will be interesting to see how they conduct themselves following on.

OP posts:

LalaPaloosa · 20/03/2024 18:09

I will never forget doing all the work making arrangements and booking restaurants and places to stay in a trip to Prague. I found the most stunning 3 bedroom apartment and my boyfriend and I had a room, and two single friends had a room each. They selected rooms first and we took the last one. When we came to leave they insisted on splitting costs 4 ways. I expressed surprise and they had clearly discussed it between them and insisted it was only fair to spliy it per person. I ended up paying half the cost of the apartment. I was furious and won’t ever put myself in that position again.

NatM70 · 20/03/2024 18:04

User478 · 19/03/2024 09:50

Reply:

Great, we'll leave on the Saturday afternoon too so no one's stuck doing all the cleaning alone on Sunday morning!

That's still 1/3 each couple!

This!

Bongosbingos · 20/03/2024 17:48

The other couple are still staying the extra night so still pay 110 each

Bongosbingos · 20/03/2024 17:47

Sorry if you've said this, I haven't read the whole thread, but if they pay 80 each, that's only 30 each extra for you and your partner if thr original price for them was 110 each?

sandyhappypeople · 20/03/2024 17:16

Lalalalala555 · 19/03/2024 12:26

Nice maths!
Yeah its only one couple have kicked a fuss about cost.
But i dont want to charge one couple less or more than the other.
Because that's not fair.

It would be we pay about 210 each ie 420 my partner and i.

And they pay 80 each or 160 per couple.

160:420 does not seem fair. When theyre staying 2/3 of the time. And will be using the place on the Sunday as well. Just not the night.

But maybe that is what is fair.
Thats kind of the question.

Its that thing where i dont think it seems fair and so i think id have either a bad feeling about it over the weekend.
Or we ask other friends.
Or just pay the whole lot.

Show quote history

unless they are leaving at 10am on Sunday they need to pay for the full 3 days, they wouldn’t have the choice to pay for 2 nights then stay around the full third day anywhere, in fairness to you sometimes you just have to book things otherwise it never gets organised.

id approach it like that to be fair, and say if they don’t want to pay then the other couple and you two will have to split the cost between you for their shortfall, and see if they are CF enough to push the extra cost onto the other couple.

they are being selfish.

Wexone · 20/03/2024 17:03

ForNaiceHiker · 20/03/2024 17:01

after the event?

this op will be updating the thread every 10 mins based on the dedication to this thread!

Show quote history

and I am loving that
too many start a thread and then dissappear
we will get to hear the end of this one hopefully

ForNaiceHiker · 20/03/2024 17:01

Wexone · 20/03/2024 16:18

Come back to us Op after the event to let us know how you got on. I bet the couple that turned it down over 20e will be raging - they will have fierce FOMO
Stick loads of pics etc on insta as well juts to rub it in more 😅
I wouldn't be as talkative to them now next time you see them

after the event?

this op will be updating the thread every 10 mins based on the dedication to this thread!

Wexone · 20/03/2024 16:18

Come back to us Op after the event to let us know how you got on. I bet the couple that turned it down over 20e will be raging - they will have fierce FOMO
Stick loads of pics etc on insta as well juts to rub it in more 😅
I wouldn't be as talkative to them now next time you see them

BlokeHereInPeace · 20/03/2024 15:24

You dodged a bullet here, they would have been nasty tight people and would have happily fucked off before the cleaning up begins. Their attitude was shitty. Absolutely no way to behave.

Stressedoutmammy · 20/03/2024 15:02

I think they should pay what you offered them, that is what I would pay if I was them. But be prepared that they say it’s not worth it and don’t go at all.

northernbeee · 20/03/2024 14:31

So friends who are staying 2 nights instead of 3 want to pay less - you can't let someone else have their room for the sunday night so the cost is for the weekend not per night. Also you're being generous taking the single beds while paying more anyway. Your friends are being unreasonable.

Original poster

Lalalalala555 · 20/03/2024 13:54

LAMPS1 · 20/03/2024 13:38

A standard self catering property weekend booking is for three nights.
You pay a fixed price.
The property owner can’t rent their bed spaces out to two other strangers for the third night, while two other couples are staying there. So that should be pretty obvious to them. It isn’t a B&B.
But spell that out to them anyway, in case they hadn’t realised.

Give them the option to do the right thing …that is to pay their share of the booking equally, regardless of how many nights they are staying.

If they still protest, then you as the person who made the booking will have to just pay up, unless the third couple take pity on you and offer to share the cost of awkward couple’s third night.

If there is another couple who could replace them if they decide to cancel the whole thing, then you could give awkward couple the option of paying up equally or pulling out altogether as another couple are interested in their place.

Thanks for this.
This is actually pretty much exactly what we've done.
Had some sound advice on this thread.
And ive moved through the issue with some really lovely people i dont know helping out navigate it.

And got to a point where I think it all feels good and peaceful.
Atleast around the trip.
The quibble couple dropped out. And arent coming at all.

And the other couple are coming and its going to be lovely.
My OH and i will stomach the cost if needbe. Its not the other couples fault that the quibble couple dropped out.

Weve asked some other friends to see if they'd like to come.
:)
But either way it's good.

Okay there may be drama fall out from the couple that dropped out.
And they're family so I'm kind of anxious they'll spread stuff in OHs family and blame entirely me.

But life can be like that. Will be okay.

OP posts:

Scaffoldingisugly · 20/03/2024 13:41

Op please take the best room for yourselves! You absolutely deserve it!! We go with family. Same island. Always a different house due to availability... Set event annually. I book and gather in deposits. All earning adults pay equal share per night x by how many nights they sleep.
Some of us go for 2 weeks. Some 1 week. We pay most of the food as we have dc and they don't. No issues there.. Worked well for a decade now.

LAMPS1 · 20/03/2024 13:38

A standard self catering property weekend booking is for three nights.
You pay a fixed price.
The property owner can’t rent their bed spaces out to two other strangers for the third night, while two other couples are staying there. So that should be pretty obvious to them. It isn’t a B&B.
But spell that out to them anyway, in case they hadn’t realised.

Give them the option to do the right thing …that is to pay their share of the booking equally, regardless of how many nights they are staying.

If they still protest, then you as the person who made the booking will have to just pay up, unless the third couple take pity on you and offer to share the cost of awkward couple’s third night.

If there is another couple who could replace them if they decide to cancel the whole thing, then you could give awkward couple the option of paying up equally or pulling out altogether as another couple are interested in their place.

Coconutter24 · 20/03/2024 13:33

Lalalalala555 · 19/03/2024 12:55

Update:
We offered to split it 100pp and then my partner and i pay 170pp.
But they said no.
If theyre not paying 80 ish theyre not coming.
And so now they've said they're not coming.

Fine without me.
But now nervous about if they are fine or actually quite pissed off.
And biggest concern if my partner is okay.
And also if they say mean things about me to my partner.

What fun.

Hopefully everyone reading this is learning from my experience.

“And also if they say mean things about me to my partner.”

Sounds quite childish.

Has your partner been concerned that you’re ok dealing with all this? Don’t worry whether anyone says anything, you’ve told them how much it costs they can either accept or decline. Yes you booked it without all agreeing first but it still costs money so why should you pay more? They either pay or they don’t go 🤷‍♀️

Original poster

Lalalalala555 · 20/03/2024 13:27

SpidersAreShitheads · 20/03/2024 13:19

Aah OP, that sounds like a great outcome.

The only people missing out are the couple who have quibbled at paying an extra £20.

I think the fact that they wouldn’t be heading off first thing Sunday morning means that morally, it’s not just two nights. They’ll be getting full use of the facilities while they have a relaxing Sunday and head off later in the day while you have to clean up and get out early the next morning. So actually, if you get down to it, the split is actually three nights and two full days (disregarding checking in day and checking out). So you and nice couple should have to pay for 5 slots each (three nights and two days). Grumpy couple have to pay for 4 slots - two days and two nights. For a total cost of £740, this means grumpy couple’s share is £211 - roughly £105pp.

Nothing about their suggestion of £80pp was fair. You’d already offered to pay more than your fair share from the start AND you were taking the crappier room. Honestly, they can just fuck off with their £80pp!

I would rather pay the full whack myself than feel taken advantage of. If it were a family member who was skint that would be different but that’s clearly not the case.

Have a lovely time!

Yep with you on the conclusion.
Its a shame, but its important to protect your own peace.
And I was nervous to (hence mumsnet post). And after the outcome I'm glad we did prioritise it.

I'm looking forward to the trip.
Yesterday I was just so anxious all day about it. Its just not what you want to be feeling for the rest of the time.

It's a shame. But i think we were really nice and reasonable. And end of the day we've both set boundaries and they didnt overlap. And so they don't come. And we pay more.
Both parties got to make their call and that's where we're at.
I didnt want to set a president (especially as they're relatives to OH) that would then live on into future arrangements. Ie it was important to stand up, speak up and not let ourselves feel taken advantage of.
:)

OP posts:

martinisforeveryone · 20/03/2024 13:20

rookiemere · 20/03/2024 12:08

I know OP has it sorted, but have you noticed it's always the ones moaning about petty things that never actually organise or book anything themselves.

I gave up on the family holidays when one relative would come back with "well we need x,y and z and could it be cheaper." I would be like "Sure why not link me what you've found" which always led to radio silence.

Show quote history

Absolutely. It’s a pretty thankless task, and especially if you don’t even end up with the nicest room.

I think I misunderstood the original premise and that lead me to being on the fence.

It sounded like there was a vague plan for three related, childless couples to take a break ‘somewhere’ Then OP couple had an event that required staying in a certain location, on a certain weekend, for three nights when a accommodation was scarce, hence seizing the booking and retro fitting other guests?

As this was all to suit OP I’d have said that any other couples’ payments mitigate their unavoidable expense. It’s all well and good to say with hindsight, but I’d have said the king room is £Z, the others Y and X for however long you stay, up to 3 nights. Give the others the choice. Any money back is a bonus.

But on the other hand, these particular other guests sound cheapskates who try to take the advantage, for which they have form. On that basis, no matter how you portion out the maths it sounds like they still want to pay less than a fair share.

You need to go away with very like minded sharers, or someone always has to suck it up.

SpidersAreShitheads · 20/03/2024 13:19

Aah OP, that sounds like a great outcome.

The only people missing out are the couple who have quibbled at paying an extra £20.

I think the fact that they wouldn’t be heading off first thing Sunday morning means that morally, it’s not just two nights. They’ll be getting full use of the facilities while they have a relaxing Sunday and head off later in the day while you have to clean up and get out early the next morning. So actually, if you get down to it, the split is actually three nights and two full days (disregarding checking in day and checking out). So you and nice couple should have to pay for 5 slots each (three nights and two days). Grumpy couple have to pay for 4 slots - two days and two nights. For a total cost of £740, this means grumpy couple’s share is £211 - roughly £105pp.

Nothing about their suggestion of £80pp was fair. You’d already offered to pay more than your fair share from the start AND you were taking the crappier room. Honestly, they can just fuck off with their £80pp!

I would rather pay the full whack myself than feel taken advantage of. If it were a family member who was skint that would be different but that’s clearly not the case.

Have a lovely time!